It's not surprising that many of my posts will be about children or parenting. I am not a sad childless, barren woman. It's when I conceive that I turn into a freaking monster. Otherwise my sanity and love for the world keeps me happy.
I read this on http://tiempoquepara.blogspot.in/2011/06/dimensions-to-immorality.html
I can see how I am turning into the people who influence me...an extension of my teacher, some things from parents, my boss...If i am able to influence people around me, do i get to be immortal too?
Also, I saw "Ship of Theseus".
In some way they talk about immortality. About living long after the physical body is dead. I don't know if the atma exists. Do we have rebirth? Is there something called moksha?
These are beyond my understanding. But, let's attack a small piece of the pie.
Why do we have children? Its a basic instinct? Is it the sex that allures to people or the fact that they are procreating? If they knew that every act of theirs could lead to a new life and they have to spend a lot of their lives tending to the young ones, would they still have sex? Whats so enchanting about cleaning potty and spending hours making your young one eat?
Today, when I was telling my spouse that spending 4 hours each day commuting to work is a criminal waste of time, I remembered this. I am also one of those on the road, adding to the agonies of the road. If I don't have a child, my child will never be a small cause for the ever burgeoning road traffic, will it?
I am still very confused if we should have a child, one way or another.
I have heard this often "Mein jo nahi karpaaya, mera beti karegi".
"I will make my daughter into a doctor".
Do people have children to achieve immortality? To correct the mistakes they committed?
To see what they could not see? To carry on as a small part - as the basic gene makeup of their children? Are these unknown reasons why people crave to have children?
I feel, I am very immature and prejudiced to have children. Most people are, just that they don't realize and I have realized it. My immaturity and my weaknesses will definitely affect my child's growth more than my compassion and enthusiasm will.
I relished and watched one of my favourite tamil serials. Penn.
I remember vaguely that I used to like each episode. I never remembered the stories. I would not have understood most of the themes also. But now, through a kind soul, I got to watch it. I am grateful to that person for putting up the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96dip9Hv4wU
If you can understand tamil, please watch it. It shows how the sharp tongue and sort of immaturity of a mother burdens the daughter. Her tongue dents her much more than her love for her daughter could redeem the hurt. Towards the end, she expresses all her love. Why didn't she do it before? Maybe she was young and immature. She didn't know how to react to such a violent and naughty daughter. She was disappointed with her daughter's choices. We've all had such mothers. Who dump their immaturity on us. Whose shortcomings affect our childhood. The kind of dents this kind of atmosphere creates may or may never be rectified. For me, I'm 34 now. Slowly I am letting go of my grudges. I am trying to forgive their shortcomings in not providing me what I wanted. They were too immature and caught up in livelihood struggles. They were totally consumed by each others behaviours. I can see my aunt spending a lot of time understanding her kids and sharing a lot with them. So, in my family atleast someone is doing it right. Some children have better childhoods than me. I am afraid if my shortcomings will hinder my child's growth. Will I be able to do a decent job of parenting? What if my child starts liking someone else more than me? I will find it difficult to deal with it. I need to become more open and more mature. Maybe that's what is god's plan too. To make me near perfect for motherhood and then bless me with it. I shall wait... and see...
I read this on http://tiempoquepara.blogspot.in/2011/06/dimensions-to-immorality.html
I can see how I am turning into the people who influence me...an extension of my teacher, some things from parents, my boss...If i am able to influence people around me, do i get to be immortal too?
Also, I saw "Ship of Theseus".
In some way they talk about immortality. About living long after the physical body is dead. I don't know if the atma exists. Do we have rebirth? Is there something called moksha?
These are beyond my understanding. But, let's attack a small piece of the pie.
Why do we have children? Its a basic instinct? Is it the sex that allures to people or the fact that they are procreating? If they knew that every act of theirs could lead to a new life and they have to spend a lot of their lives tending to the young ones, would they still have sex? Whats so enchanting about cleaning potty and spending hours making your young one eat?
Today, when I was telling my spouse that spending 4 hours each day commuting to work is a criminal waste of time, I remembered this. I am also one of those on the road, adding to the agonies of the road. If I don't have a child, my child will never be a small cause for the ever burgeoning road traffic, will it?
I am still very confused if we should have a child, one way or another.
I have heard this often "Mein jo nahi karpaaya, mera beti karegi".
"I will make my daughter into a doctor".
Do people have children to achieve immortality? To correct the mistakes they committed?
To see what they could not see? To carry on as a small part - as the basic gene makeup of their children? Are these unknown reasons why people crave to have children?
I feel, I am very immature and prejudiced to have children. Most people are, just that they don't realize and I have realized it. My immaturity and my weaknesses will definitely affect my child's growth more than my compassion and enthusiasm will.
I relished and watched one of my favourite tamil serials. Penn.
I remember vaguely that I used to like each episode. I never remembered the stories. I would not have understood most of the themes also. But now, through a kind soul, I got to watch it. I am grateful to that person for putting up the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96dip9Hv4wU
If you can understand tamil, please watch it. It shows how the sharp tongue and sort of immaturity of a mother burdens the daughter. Her tongue dents her much more than her love for her daughter could redeem the hurt. Towards the end, she expresses all her love. Why didn't she do it before? Maybe she was young and immature. She didn't know how to react to such a violent and naughty daughter. She was disappointed with her daughter's choices. We've all had such mothers. Who dump their immaturity on us. Whose shortcomings affect our childhood. The kind of dents this kind of atmosphere creates may or may never be rectified. For me, I'm 34 now. Slowly I am letting go of my grudges. I am trying to forgive their shortcomings in not providing me what I wanted. They were too immature and caught up in livelihood struggles. They were totally consumed by each others behaviours. I can see my aunt spending a lot of time understanding her kids and sharing a lot with them. So, in my family atleast someone is doing it right. Some children have better childhoods than me. I am afraid if my shortcomings will hinder my child's growth. Will I be able to do a decent job of parenting? What if my child starts liking someone else more than me? I will find it difficult to deal with it. I need to become more open and more mature. Maybe that's what is god's plan too. To make me near perfect for motherhood and then bless me with it. I shall wait... and see...
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