The guy with a stutter and the woman who was called ugly

I shall forever remember this article..I have gone through the same thing...internalizing and identifying my weakest point as the center of everything and feeling low.

http://therumpus.net/2012/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-97/

Also:
http://www.superstarmagazine.com/labelled-the-worlds-ugliest-woman-lizzie-talks-about-beauty-happiness/

If ur the only person on the planet, would u even know that u stutter or your fat or ur dark or ur ugly?
Just because a whole group of diverse people inhabit this planet.. who all look so different, we compare. We label a few as beautiful.. some as ugly.. some as stutter proof and some as stuttery.

Depending on the level of crudeness or cruelty of the society + the level of internal strength in a person..every person reacts differently. The way we're conditioned from childhood or some incidents in adulthood.. any strong incident can catapult anything to a bigger issue...or if things happen when ur in a weak state...

I sympathize with anyone going through such internal conflicts. I pray for every person.
I pray that they find strength to conquer this.. and become strong individuals.
I know how hard it is...sometimes you can end up spending your entire life.. with this sick feeling and that is the worse thing that can happen to you.

New year resolutions

I have never made resolutions for new year.
Resolutions happen mostly on some of the strange days where you find yourself wiser by a particular "thought" or "idea".

This year, there are some key topics I want to focus on.
I want to repeat some things like a mantra and its effective to repeat and internalize these.

1) To stand up for myself.
Whether I work, or sleep or laze around...
Whether I choose a low paying job or choose to study..
Whether I wear a brand or khadi
Whether I am out in shabby hair or all decked..
I will stand by myself. I will respect who I am and my choices.
I will not feel apologetic for the choices I make.
I will not feel sympathetic for what I am or what I have become.
I will stand by myself...my right and wrong choices...
I am good enough for me. Repeat this a million times...
I may not be good enough for you, but I am good enough for me.

This is all about belief, self-esteem and confidence.

Quoting from Chanakya Neeti:
Low self esteem is probably the biggest cause behind failures in life. The foremost requirement for accomplishing something big will be to build a high self-esteem.

My shop closed not because it was recession not because I was lazy not because it was high priced or not because products were not good...it closed because I stopped believing in my dreams. I started feeling apologetic for my choice.. somehow I started feeling it was a second-class thing to own a shop..I felt hurt when I met customers who did not behave well with me because I had a huge ego..I expected them to be polite and respectful... I was affected when a few silly folks told me we wudn't make it...I also had issues whether we should sell costly products because there was an ethical clash there - I myself hated overpriced products but my products were costly because I was buying them for more price and I had no choice. We used great jars and great packaging and all that added to the cost. So, there was a huge moral conflict. When there were no customers my hopes were down and I had no energy to revive the business or infuse new ideas and energy. The worst thing that can happen to a business is the owner becoming negative or skeptical. Not lack of cash, not lack of people.. The energy I had when I started started waning due to negativity. I was waiting for some positivity for sometime but since nothing came, I lose it...You start a business only when u have the confidence to see it not growing for 10 years.. that's a bench mark. Believe me 10 years is a long time.. I had no patience to hold on to a difficult pregnancy for 9 months.. I could not stay in a suffocating company for 1 year..I cannot do something I do not love, even for 1 day.. so, there you go. I am not the person who had the confidence to back my decision without seeing any success - for 10 years. So, we failed. I own up. Today, 2 years of relaxation and richer by having read tons of articles, I am growing to be a confident woman. A person who is strong inside, cannot be fragmented or cracked, but soft and polite on the outside.

In today's faced paced world, we have no time to think. We follow the herd without knowing what we want. We have no time to stop and correct ourselves because we hardly have time to sleep or eat also. So, we forget our real aspirations and dreams. Hence it's all the more important to know ourself well.. and be confident wherever we are in life. Whether you're a janitor or Facebook CEO - all men are actually equal. The society projects some jobs as white collar and some as beneath our status. It's all bullshit.

If we give in to such class concepts, in our inferiority complex, we will under-perform. We will meet tons of people who will feel we are worthless or we don't do great jobs. That's fine. Unless you have confidence, all this will bother you.. bother you so much that you'll go mad or commit suicide feeling so negative about oneself.

Also, today it's almost a crime to want to have a relaxed life or feel happy. You have to keep moving, keep changing and adapting.. as fast as the new gadgets that get released.. so you're considered backward and incapable...if you want a relaxed life, it's a crime. Don't give in to that shit. This productivity frenzy is propagated by those who want to make more things and sell more fast, to make a fast buck.. and fill their wallets. India is a spiritual country. Since ancient times, man's well being was considered of utmost important than material things. That's the right way to look at the world.
This western way of living is not right for most of us.

2) Stop looking at others. No comparisons. Seriously.. don't even look.. don't give a damn.. Just look at yourself and how ur doing ur daily activities. Each of our lives and constitution - physical and mental, our capabilities, our values, our tolerance for different issues is so different. Even if this means not appreciating others, its ok. Don't give a damn.

We are at a point where we are exposed to people so different from us. That should not bog you down.

3) Stop fearing things. No need to live in fear.. whether its abt being jobless or childless or penniless.. Just deal with whatever happens. Deal with the things you fear, head on. Whether it's your fear of driving or fear of learning a new language or fear of dancing... let go a little and just attack the issue.

4) Resolve issues then and there. Do not carry hurt and pain. No matter who it is.. ask them for an explanation or voice your discontent or hurt and get a complete picture...give others a chance to explain or apologize or convince you...else forget it.

5) De-addict from romantic movies and Koffee with DD :-) Total time waste :-)
     i.e reduce unproductive, energy or time consuming activity or activity that u hate doing.

6) Deal with this motapa thing well.. Today, every single day, the flab around my waist bothers me sooooo much. I just can't say. I want to achieve 0% body fat. I hate body fat. But like I observed, the more I obsess over it, the less it budges. The things that have worked for me are those which I have not cared much about..the things we obsess about.. drain us. I somehow want to make peace with my weight but continue healthy habits...

7) Write clearly. Don't deviate - if you have other points that are interesting, cover under appropriate subject, not under this. Be precise. Answer precisely. Don't waste anyone's time writing long mails. Have a clear train of thoughts. Have clarity of speech.

8) Respond to important calls and mails :-)

I am slowly moving the Robin Sharma way, I can feel it... Maybe one day I will turn into a motivational speaker!

And last one:


9) Use time efficiently or in the best possible way.

P.S: I am kind of reconstructing myself.. brick by brick so that I emerge a strong person.
I have moved from "restless mind" to "imperfect mind". Now I am moving to a perfect mind. Once I achieve that, the world and the people and their opinions will no longer affect me. Till then, I may need to be a devil, if required.
You need to have a strong core and doesn't matter how you achieve it. If you need to push people or alienate them or isolate yourself or tell them on the face about their flaws or go about trumpeting your achievements...you go ahead and do it.It's a transitory phase.

All transitions have turbulence. We need to deal with the turbulence and I have resolved to deal with mine. Some relations need to be severed. Some hearts will break. But, eventually things settle down.

Is art sneaking its way into our lives discreetly? A revival of art?

When I grew up, I had no friends or family pursuing art, because we are TamBrahms. No one in my community did that. I didn't know what art was. I didn't know that music or movies or literature was art.

I was definitely enamoured by these things but did not know it was art. Today, after reading tons of articles by Maria Popova, I kinda know what art is. I have understood in my own special way what art is, and what an artists does. She has collected tons of definitions from artists here http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/06/22/what-is-art/ and each definition is as unique as the artist themselves. It reminds me of my visit to Bistro Claytopia. They display hundreds of glazed articles painted by different people. You cannot hold one and say its superior to another. All are beautiful in a different sense. Each one depicts the artist just like each one of us is a unique feature of god. Each of us is divinity. We may not be externally beautiful but we all have aspects that are unique to us.. that are beautiful in unconventional ways...it's wrong to perceive one as above another or one profession as better or nobler than another. 

All art is autobiographical; the pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.

To me, an artist or a creative person is someone who experiences so much joy in his/her work - someone who is attuned to divinity, who is passionate, who is insane in his love for art, who goes sleepless, who goes hungry - all to express his art.

Today, unknown to us, art is creeping into our lives in many secret ways.. through secret doors...as secretly as this guy, who's there in every pic.

http://www.viralnova.com/this-mans-ability-to-blend-in-will-blow-your-mind-and-maybe-scare-you-a-little/

Through social media, people promote art! We promote pictures and photographs.. we promote bird watching.. we tell stories.. we share links to art.. we share food photographs...we share recipes....
To me, most of what we're doing this way, is art!

Digressing a bit here:
Does anyone promote their code here? (Some people promote and market themselves, which is a different thing) Do you write about your thesis hereon twitter or FB? Do you think it so beautiful enough to share? Or you think it is beautiful but it will bore other people?
(Sure, I have seen some code which is real art. Some algorithms which are just beautiful. I have felt poetic seeing it and have been filled with gratitude for the coder).
But, the way we are made to follow deadlines and other unproductive tasks, we are unable to express our love for these things...

Most artists have the luxury of enjoying the process of making their work (Except bookwriters or film makers probably). That time...luxury of time, by itself helps one enjoy things more. If you're always working for deadlines, your work will be more dead, than alive...we need alivelines so that on the other side of the line, we are alive.. not dead..

Original meaning of deadline:  line drawn within or around a prison that a prisoner passes at the risk of being shot.

People wanted you to cross it so that they could shoot you. This word could have only be coined by a sadistic person, not by a happy person. Why would I want you dead?
Deadlines mostly cause "dead" work and "dead" workers.

How about alive-line?or alive circle? A circle in which you are alive and thriving.. and outside which also you're not just alive but ecstatic!

I personally have wanted to touch, feel and enjoy my work...and have never had that luxury for long. As long as I was in the rat race, I did not understand this basic instinct. I thought I was a mismatch and slow worker, hence I was always feeling inferior.

Whereas this was a part of me being suppressed, in order to survive...to fit in..Now, I know that I'm woven from a different thread. I like relaxed work..and today's pace of work, can hardly be called relaxed...We pass through lives like bullet trains. We have no idea whether we're passing through tunnels or rocks or buildings or mountains.. then, we spend 5 lacs on a 5 day Swiss holiday to see the mountains, whereas every day we were passing by mountains :-) We don't need expensive food or travel or clothes to keep us joyful. Most businesses want us to believe the opposite though. But, the truth is happiness is there around, not in the wades of cash we carry or in the diamond studded phones we use.

Quoting J.Krishnamurti here:
http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=48&chid=56794&w=&

If your eyes are blinded with your worries, you cannot see the beauty of the sunset. Most of us have lost touch with nature. Civilization is tending more and more towards large cities; we are becoming more and more an urban people, living in crowded apartments and having very little space even to look at the sky of an evening and morning, and therefore we are losing touch with a great deal of beauty. I don't know if you have noticed how few of us look at a sunrise or a sunset or the moonlight or the reflection of light on water.

Having lost touch with nature we naturally tend to develop intellectual capacities. We read a great many books, go to a great many museums and concerts, watch television and have many other entertainments. We quote endlessly from other people's ideas and think and talk a great deal about art. Why is it that we depend so much upon art? Is it a form of escape, of stimulation? If you are directly in contact with nature; if you watch the movement of a bird on the wing, see the beauty of every movement of the sky, watch the shadows on the hills or the beauty on the face of another, do you think you will want to go to any museum to look at any picture? Perhaps it is because you do not know how to look at all the things about you that you resort to some form of drug to stimulate you to see better.


So, back to art:
Children's books, sand art, watercolors, photography, architecture, travel, food, literature, the tattoos, the rangolis - everywhere there is art.. Where there is art, there is joy. There is the feminine..(the last one is my bit)

As someone rightly said - We live for art, everything else.. is just to pay the bills.
We remember art and artists beyond their mortality. We don't remember our bosses, or we'd rather not remember them even while they're alive. That's the power of art.

And Joy is Everywhere;
It is in the Earth’s green covering of grass;
In the blue serenity of the Sky;
In the reckless exuberance of Spring;
In the severe abstinence of gray Winter;
In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame;
In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright;
In Living;
In the exercise of all our powers;
In the acquisition of Knowledge;
in fighting evils…
Joy is there Everywhere.

- Rabindranath Tagore, 1861-1941
Nobel Prize in Literature, 1913

“If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
- A Man without a country

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=4985

http://www.viralnova.com/beach-art/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/09/10/nurse-lugtons-curtain-virginia-woolf-julie-vivas/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/08/29/henry-hikes-to-fitchburg-d-b-johnson/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/parisbreakfast/sets/72057594114774269/

http://www.whatsforlunchhoney.net/2010/03/rosewater-and-raspberry-macarons.html

http://www.whatsforlunchhoney.net/2013/07/Venice.html

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=647000608664265&set=a.647000595330933.1073741825.100000629964344&type=3&theater

http://www.buzzfeed.com/tjb2/44-amazing-places-you-wish-you-could-nap-right-now-7kc6

Escaping the mundane-ness of everyday life

When I look at each day, it is pretty similar to the previous day or the day before that...
So monotonous sometimes that I feel I am re-living an old day.
In this boredom, we look out for entertainment. Our lives are pretty un-interesting to us.
Anything from food to travel to movies to music can entertain us.
We're interested in the lives of others. We gossip about celebrities near the coffee machine as if we knew them too well. We long for their lifestyles.
We just want our lives to be a bit more entertaining so that we can be more happy.

Many aspire to be celebrities.

What would happen if our lives themselves were so much fun that we don't need a separate entertainment?
Why is it difficult to accept "doing nothing"?
How can we totally immerse ourself in our experiences? 

Once you're married, after a year or two (months for a few people), the newness and excitement wanes. It's a dull affair then on. Same with most other things. That's why the chase is better than the life after the win. Nobody makes a movie on the "happily ever after" part - coz that's mundane.
There will always be millions of new love stories.. but after marriage, it's all the same for most.

I am just wondering, irrespective of who I am, can I make my life more joyful and entertaining
- so that I don't need any other form of entertainment..
- so that I greet each day with a smile and not a dull look..
- so that I don't take my relations for granted...
- so that I have enough energy to do what has to be done during the day and not whine about my work..

How do children start having these feelings like us? They get bored of their toys too..
Why does it happen? Why do they get bored?

Too many questions but no answer as such.

======================================================================
http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=48&chid=56794&w=&

Having lost touch with nature we naturally tend to develop intellectual capacities. We read a great many books, go to a great many museums and concerts, watch television and have many other entertainments. We quote endlessly from other people's ideas and think and talk a great deal about art. Why is it that we depend so much upon art? Is it a form of escape, of stimulation? If you are directly in contact with nature; if you watch the movement of a bird on the wing, see the beauty of every movement of the sky, watch the shadows on the hills or the beauty on the face of another, do you think you will want to go to any museum to look at any picture? Perhaps it is because you do not know how to look at all the things about you that you resort to some form of drug to stimulate you to see better.

It is only a mind that looks at a tree or the stars or the sparkling waters of a river with complete self-abandonment that knows what beauty is, and when we are actually seeing we are in a state of love. We generally know beauty through comparison or through what man has put together, which means that we attribute beauty to some object. I see what I consider to be a beautiful building and that beauty I appreciate because of my knowledge of architecture and by comparing it with other buildings I have seen. But now I am asking myself, `Is there a beauty without object?' When there is an observer who is the censor, the experiencer, the thinker, there is no beauty because beauty is something external, something the observer looks at and judges, but when there is no observer - and this demands a great deal of meditation, of enquiry then there is beauty without the object.

Beauty lies in the total abandonment of the observer and the observed.

Will power is a depleting resource. The art of self-control.

At the marriage, we were discussing, it's not difficult to control your urge to eat junk. All of us can do it. But, to be able to do it 365 days a year, consistently, is the challenge.
So, what we need, is not just exercise and diet charts but supreme will powers which work with us, 365 days, 24 hours, till we reach our goals. If only there was a pill for willpower! Phew!

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/11/27/the-psychology-of-self-control/

“Everyone’s self-control is a limited resource; it’s like muscle strength: the more we use it, the less remains in the tank, until we replenish it with rest.”

People naturally vary in the amount of self-control they have, so some will find it more difficult than others to break a habit. But everyone’s self-control is a limited resource; it’s like muscle strength: the more we use it, the less remains in the tank, until we replenish it with rest. In one study of self-control, participants first had to resist the temptation to eat chocolate (they had a radish instead); then they were given a frustrating task to do. The test was to see how long they would persist. Radish-eaters only persisted on the task for about 8 minutes, while those who had gorged on chocolate kept going for 19 minutes. The mere act of exerting willpower saps the strength for future attempts. These sorts of findings have been repeated again and again using different circumstances.
We face these sorts of willpower-depleting events all day long. When someone jostles you in the street and you resist the urge to shout at them, or when you feel exhausted at work but push on with your email: these all take their toll. The worse the day, the more the willpower muscle is exerted, the more we rely on autopilot, which means increased performance of habits. It’s crucial to respect the fact that self-control is a limited resource and you are likely to overestimate its strength. Recognizing when your levels of self-control are low means you can make specific plans for those times.

Fortunately, Dean points out that there are a number of strategies we can use to counter our depleted willpower. One of the key ones is pre-commitment — a way of “restricting the choices of your future self” by removing the stimuli that you know would trigger your bad habits. Doing that while your self-control is high, and your willpower reservoir full, protects you from succumbing once it dips low.

The 10,000 hour effort to excellence or mastery - myth or reality? Different perspectives

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.in/2014/01/10000-hrs-meditation-practice-isnt.html

Key takeaway:
a)  All practice isn't the same; dedicated practice focused on skill elements that are difficult for you is much more effective.

        b)  There is great variability in how long it takes to achieve "mastery" in sports, games, arts, and presumably meditation.  This variation is larger in more complex tasks (meditation?).

        c)  There is a significant genetic component in determining how long it takes and whether or not you will achieve mastery in any skill, and after achieving mastery, whether you will continue to improve.

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/22/daniel-goleman-focus-10000-hours-myth/

Along with hours and hours of practise you employ your full concentration on improving a particular aspect of your performance that a master teacher has identified.

The second necessary element: a feedback loop that allows you to spot errors as they occur and correct them.

Kick

There is something that I so totally overlooked. While analyzing what I'd like to do - I completely ignored what is it that gives me a kick..no..not my gym.. not cooking.. sometimes eating..but mostly when I read some interesting things, I get kicked..and when I watch powerful scripts made into movies, I get a kick. So, these are 2 things that can totally absorb me. Sad that I never recognized it in this way, earlier.

The world is flat

Really...the world has become flatter than you can imagine.
Not only do you own an iPhone and eat Udon noodles or Irish cream coffee...your thoughts and perceptions, wants and desires, your aspirations and goals.. all have become universal.

Imagine.. I go to a remote part of Assam and people are disappointed that I don't own the latest iPhone and don't do whatsapp.. I'm like the most backward creature they have ever met (not that it bothers me). So, now I come back to namma IT city and need to upgrade myself The internet has democratised and levelled things beyond one's perception. Also, I attended an Assamese wedding and its like Paris fashion week. The reach of the internet is alarming and unless there is some maturity, we'll end up being a depressed nation.

At Isha yoga, they ban TVs, newspapers,mobiles, magazines and books. At first it looks very stifling. You feel that they're going to lock you in a room and brainwash you with no one for help.

But then today, 2 years later, it all makes sense. One construction worker looked at me in awe because my car doesn't have auto lock. Another teacher in Assam is disappointed that I do not own the latest gadgets. Everyone knows whats latest, whats fashionable and who's doing what.
This has only made people terribly disappointed with their own lives. Earlier your benchmark or comparison point was ur classmate who studied like you or a cousin closest in capabilities to you.
Today, it's no longer the case. A student in Palani can envy someone in Pennsylvania. 
Envy has cross "neighbourhood" and travelled across the globe.

The more people you know, the more false ideas you have, about their life and the one thing that is actually true - your life and you - start appearing inconspicuous. But, that's the only thing you have, the only thing you can improve and the only thing that actually satisfies you, and you're abandoning that for some false shows.

I've seen this with myself. I pore over fashion mags at my parlour. Once a year I buy my Vogue/ Marie Claire copy to see colorful pics. But, what that has done to me is, created some space for aspirational jewellery, aspirational bodies, aspirational makeup and so on. When you expose yourself to certain things for long, you internalize them and start aspiring them as if everyone around you looks like that or owns those things. You step away from reality. Somebody else's experience and though process becomes yours when you read articles. You will turn out to be some version of the author himself because he, his thought process and his vocabulary are now yours too!

Eventually, we have very less original experiences and thoughts. We're all a borrowed bundle of thoughts and desires now. Someone deep in Thiruchendur wants a face like Scarlet Johannason.
You cannot blame her, because we are all so tuned to pick some things from society without evaluating it. When you bring in someone like Tamannah or Hansika amidst Priyamani and Trisha - everyone feels that white is superior, while everyone around is far from that Rin ka safedi.
So, the local population suffers. 

When we start eating pizzas and pastas, idlis and dosas will suffer. I don't know if the sales of idlis and dosas has gotten affected by this or in fact increased because, overall the population eating out, is quite huge nowadays.

We all tend to move as a herd.. behave collectively as a society. We all may be suffering from the same ailments though we may fiercely deny that. When I look at my mother I wonder. She is so confident, smart and productive. There are reasons to it. She doesn't use the internet. So, Scarlet Johannason does not torture her. Also, she does not spend 2 hours a day on facebook. She has no one to compare her life against. She's content. If she had to live in this generation, this ailment would have afflicted her too. Look at weddings.. many people are dissatisfied when everyone turns up in their fashionable best and you - at the best - look average. So, when so many people congregate, you need to be cautious of what you take in. Facebook is a congregation of millions of people with varied backgrounds, varied mindsets, varied experiences. So, we need to be all the more cautious about what we digest there.

Staying disconnected from this crazy world has greatly improved my thought process. Staying with tons of people.. surrounded by tons of news and tons of stories only made me duller. It was a very conscious decision not to get an iPhone/ iPad and avoid apps...You no longer own the iPhone. The iPhone and the apps and the people you are connected to "collectively own and influence" you if you are not a strongly grounded person. I have a relaxed life precisely because I am less connected. 

It pays to be disconnected. By disconnected, I do not mean, switch off your iPhone for 2 hours. I mean, be cautious how much it rules your life. When you're in a stressful job, you have no time to think. To even be productive in a job, you need some free time, so that you evaluate and see what you can do better. If your life is crowded, there is no silence, no original thinking - you're only consuming mounds of data floating across, written by not so qualified people. So, it's important to step out, evaluate things with a clear mind and decide a course of action.

The last 2 years of non-working period have improved my clarity of thought. I am sure that all this will help me when I get back to work. Had I not done this, I'd have not grown at all. I'd still be having a job, more bank balance but wondering and feeling dissatisfied. I'm glad it all happened.

Smart gadgets and smart homes

After my recent rant about how all my time and energy is spent housekeeping, I was looking
at what's new at the Las Vegas consumer electronics show.

LG announced a new Home Chat smart platform that works with its home appliances. All you have to do to manage all your smart home appliances is send them a text message.
This will work with appliances such as a refrigerator, washing machine, robotic vacuum machine among other things. Just send them a command via text message, or just ask them a question like, "Hey refrigerator, what groceries do I need?" And it will tell you.

http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-ces-2014-samsung-lg-lead-smarthome-push-with-connected-appliances-20140106,0,4381746.story#axzz2qO1rRQPU

On reading the above kind of smart appliances, the only thing that came to mind is this.

When smart gadgets + internet started connecting people, most people expressed that FB made them quite upset with their own lives.

Now, with smart homes becoming a reality, if my fridge and your fridge talk to each other, they too will get depressed and one will need to go to rehab.

Fridge 1: OMG! Your the latest model? I was upgraded 7 months ago! Poor me!
Fridge 2: Oh! Yeah! Also, I'm the best shade of pink!
I've been voted the most photogenic fridge so far. Also I have a
100G connectivity and I have George Clooney's Aston Martin in my
friend's list. Also, my handles are all embedded with swarovski.
Fridge 1: Holy you! Also, JLaw endorses you. Lucky you man...
Your owner eats cronuts and Kahlua mousse and wears Prada!
My stupid guy eats ridge gourd and potatoes! How gross!
Fridge 2: Yuck! I'm un-friending you. You stink! Bye.
Fridge 1: Commits suicide by short circuiting itself.

Unless people reach a certain level of maturity, this obsessive level of minute-by-minute info sharing by others is going to make some feel that their as-such good lives are really depressing and unsuccessful. Instead of smarter appliances we need deeply rooted and self-confident people.

I am glad that flowers and trees do not facebook each other. Else, they too would start comparing who's more beautiful and who's more popular and join the rat race and die.

The only people who are content and happy and those who are not connected. eg: My mother, the wise lady at Nature Cure hospital, etc.

 

What I did in 2013

A great part of 2013 was spent, either trying to lose weight or being depressed after a binging session or trying to think of ways to justify to others why I cannot lose weight.

On the same lines, if anyone has a problem with my weight, I invite them to become my neigbours.
One of the 2 will happen.
a) You'll fall in love with my food and stop complaining why I'm fat.
b) You'll convince me to eat better to lose weight.

Either is ok with me.

Dear Sugar #64: The useless days will add up to something.

http://therumpus.net/2011/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-64/

Dear Sugar,
I read your column religiously. I’m 22. From what I can tell by your writing, you’re in your early 40s. My question is short and sweet: what would you tell your 20-something self if you could talk to her now?
Love,
Seeking Wisdom
Dear Seeking Wisdom,
Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.
In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best woman friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, You should run away from me before I devour you, believe her.
You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do ecstasy with them, say no.
There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.
One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.
Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.
You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.
Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.
One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.
Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.
Say thank you.
Yours,
Sugar

Swaraj University

http://www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/a-new-school-of-thought/article5538472.ece

The undeserving rich of America

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/20/opinion/krugman-the-undeserving-rich.html?_r=0

Good looks and the shaadi issue

Too much importance is given to looks these days. What that has done is, alienated many people. I have heard from many that the facebook selfies of these glamorous creatures has left many cringing and unhappy. The average Joes and Joneses are left feeling as though their life is not worth living. While it's upto every person how they tackle this issue, the worst part is, if you're someone average or so-called below average - looking for a partner, you're in for trouble. In today's world, it seems almost impossible to get married if you're not good looking, not well educated, not earning well, not slim, not fair. We think that what is appreciated is the best thing to possess.

Since people with these qualities are appreciated more and can easily find a partner, the rest of us have to tug in and try and fit into the mould. This is how society forces us to follow some ideals, few of which don't make sense. Atleast the slim part - could be attributed to health consciousness.. but many of the other requirements do not offer anything to one's wellbeing but we have to spend enormous time and energy fitting into that mould. It takes much more self rootedness, courage and confidence to not conform to such moulds.

I am sure that in the years to come, there will be a revolution by those who feel left out. If that happens, it would be a welcome change.

P.S: Was thinking of roaming in the sun and doing some chores but the threat of coming out tanned, made me ditch the plan and take an a/c car ride. If we did not have to bother so much about how we look - we'd spend less on parlours, less on clothes, less on shoes, makeup and perfume, less time grooming...that we'd have abundant time for other things. But now those "other things" don't exist at all.. all we want to do is, dress and look pretty. Anti-beauty revolution required badly.

Also, I had to literally keep repeating "I may not be good enough for someone else but I'm good enough for me" all the time, throughout my Assam trip. I also had to refrain from looking at other women who attended the wedding, lest I feel inferior about myself. There's just nothing you can do It worked to a large extent and I came back with my ego and self confidence almost intact. Huge achievement, cheers!

Why people would rather read about meditation than actually practise it?

For starters, I am part of that gang.
We had this discussion at 2 different occasions and I thought it worthwhile to jot it down.

Many people start meditation for various reasons. Initially they sense a certain calm and bliss because most of us lead such hectic lives. So, they get hooked and go ga-ga. But after a few days, the effects seem to vanish. You no longer feel that initial kick. So, they give up.

The thing with any spiritual practice or for me, even my gymming sessions is, I don't see any immediate results. I know some people who are crazy about running (read husband and other species like him). I gives them an instant high and they feel energetic all the time. That is a huge reward. For many people like me, I see no energy rise after my 90 minute gym workout. I do it, because I need to exercise. So, when we have to regularly do things that do not seem to carry instant rewards, we tend to drop off. I think it is for similar reasons that most weight loss resolutions get tossed out of the window.


For those wishing to lose a lot of weight, it's a very slow process. You'd much rather eat that pastry and stay happy and fat than slog at the gym to see results after 3 years.

But then, what's it with reading about spirituality or meditation? Most of the times, when I read some spiritual article, it is pretty enlightening. I feel "wow"!
You have learnt something new. That's a good kick for people like me. So, many of us prefer to read about meditation than actually practise it.

But, the truth is, no amount of reading will make you self-realized. Only when you do your sadhana religiously and progress step by step will you get any close to self realization.

Pushing people away

This post is very related to the previous post.
In my recent meeting with a lot of people, I observed that certain people did not come forward to help a certain party. I was curious, why so, because they were all close cousins.
Then, I observed the happenings for a few days and saw that one party did not show the right expressions or emotions at times. This could have pissed off party no 2. Even I felt a bit pissed and decided to back off from any such gathering the next time. It's unfortunate that we do not realize the ways in which we push people away... If someone is not helping someone, we should not just blame them without analyzing their situation. Maybe it's pointless or thankless to help that party. Lesson no 1,00,345 learnt. When will life stop teaching lessons.

Relations hurt as much as they heal

My wise friend Rads said "you should keep relations on the surface.. like the waves.. if you go deep, there is a high chance you will be hurt".. wise words...
I have seen that many relations carry a lot of hurt. Am wondering why it happens and what best a person can do, to not get hurt, to not hurt or to heal oneself after getting hurt....

What I did recently after a totally uncalled for incident was, to just not think about it...or rather not think about it too much... to prevent myself from being hurt again.. or prolong the pain. I think if we carry forward our hurt feelings from everyday life, our hearts will sink in an ocean of hurt and negativity.
So, we should clear the hurt account each day, as much as possible so that the next fresh day can start beautifully.

Also, note to myself: People don't view relations with the same warmth or sincerity as you may do. So, it's better to not go overboard with some relations unless one is certain of closeness.

Also, an eternal trick is: Talk less... even "do less" is good :-)

P.S: After this post was written, I read J.Krishnamurti's page. It so beautifully explains what thoughts are: http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=48&chid=56796&w=&

We carry our burdens all the time; we never die to them, we never leave them behind. it is only when we give complete attention to a problem and solve it immediately - never carrying it over to the next day, the next minute - that there is solitude. Then, even, if we live in a crowded house or are in a bus, we have solitude. And that solitude indicates a fresh mind, an innocent mind.
To have inward solitude and space is very important because it implies freedom to be, to go, to function, to fly. After all, goodness can only flower in space just as virtue can flower only when there is freedom. We may have political freedom but inwardly we are not free and therefore there is no space. No virtue, no quality that is worth while, can function or grow without this vast space within oneself. And space and silence are necessary because it is only when the mind is alone, uninfluenced, untrained, not held by infinite varieties of experience, that it can come upon something totally new.
One can see directly that it is only when the mind is silent that there is a possibility of clarity. The whole purpose of meditation in the East is to bring about such a state of mind - that is, to control thought, which is the same as constantly repeating a prayer to quieten the mind and in that state hoping to understand one's problems.

That thing abt confidence

So, today was one of those unusual days when I was very confident while stepping out of the house. There was a silly thing which might have contributed to it...donno.

I have heard people say, "When you dress well you feel confident", "When you look great you feel confident".. many weird statements also..like "My Jimmy choos make me feel confident"...
So, my guess is sometimes these clothes or makeup or shoes make people feel confident.
If we use the external appearance as a major guideline to confidence, there will be days when you feel your skin is bad,  or you look bloated or your dress doesn't fit well, etc etc. There will be a thousand reasons not to feel confident. But, truly, we don't need a Jimmy Choo or Louis Vuitton to make us feel confident. These things cost a bomb and that kinda confidence is truly a costly luxury!

When we feel relaxed, content and good about ourself we do feel confident. That is an armour for anyone stepping out of the house.
I was wondering, if I could feel confident just like that, for no reason, without spending a bomb, that's the best thing you could truly wear. I have heard many actors say this "Wear your confidence".
I used to wonder what that meant. I truly understand how one feels when one is confident. It feels so great. You don't feel inferior or little. You feel you can handle the world. So why don't we feel confident always? What causes us to feel less confident? That will be my next observation.

Everything changes.. and the fight for survival

Yesterday we were discussing some things at the gym. The trainers were moaning about the ridiculous pay their boss dished out and how they were all depressed after seeing some situations.
I looked back and saw my own life. In 2009 my company closed, making both of us jobless with a huge loan to pay. I sold off my dear car and shifted to Bangalore, I move I never liked.
Then, all of a sudden I got a job, with a superb pay package, something even I never expected, something way better than all the guys who had worked with me got. Then, just as it came, it turned out to be a stressful job with really shitty people with no values and I quit (though I wanted to continue working).

Then, last year this time, my husband switched jobs. He had 2-3 fantastic offers in terms of money. We picked one which we thought would offer most security and less stress. Turns out, that was the most stressful job he ever had. I know many people who were a bit jealous abt his new job - pay package. But end of 6 months, guy quits job and end up jobless. It's been 6 months now.
Our small savings has dwindled. One of us needs to get a job soon, else we'll have to borrow to run the home, which I do not like. I think he too has settled into the comfortable groove of staying at home and now, it's going to be very difficult for both of us.

So, all the happiness of having that superb offer are gone. There is nothing to rejoice about, 6 months down the lane. That explains in brief, how transitory things are. Things around us can change so much, more so due to this globalization effect and weak economies across the world.

Someone in a Tiruppur spinning mill can lose his job if someone in Wall Street made one big mistake. That's to summarise the effect.

There are tons of people in low paying jobs, earning a pittance. There's a daily struggle to feed the family. Education is not even a thought on their mind.

Given that "the mass of men lead quiet lives of deaperation", how do we solve the issue?

I go back to Sadhguru's words. It makes more sense now.
We have made this survival process and economic prosperity the core of our life.

"When economy becomes the only important thing on the planet, the survival process is automatically being put into a divine position. The masculine is bound to be dominant and in this system, women will suffer.The survival process has become the ideal. This is fundamentally a wrong way to structure a society. If aesthetics, love, music, dance, art and craft were as important as money, business and the stock market, you would see that the feminine would naturally play a significant role in the world."

Today, all these struggles, which we go through, are struggles for survival... economic prosperity..comparison, to fare better than the other, for security and comfort. I feel if we just accept these struggles and still approach live with a certain reverence, wonder, joy and enjoy the purposelessness of life beyond the fact that "living" this life itself is the only purpose and we need to just go through everything that happens to us.. we can still keep our heads cool and hearts full.
Look at Ramakrishna Paramahamsa or the sages scattered around Varanasi and the Himalayan zone.. with nothing to own, they do seem content and rooted. Since yesterday, this thought has been on my mind. Maybe we can lead more fulfilling lives if we adopted this perspective and just go through the struggles. Our love and emotions are there for free, to give to others and bring joy to others, isn't it?

My 2 cents on Hindu philosophy

My friend was asking me what fascinated me about Hindu philosophy.
This is the reply. I thought it worthy of becoming a blog post.

 
I may appear as a religious fanatic after u read this :-)

First of all, my intro to Hinduism started with yoga and not rituals or idol worship. That is very important.
1) Hinduism has so many ways to realize the true self...you will not believe that given that we are all people of different kinds, the way you associate with god and I associate may be miles apart. Bhakti - is an easy choice for women, while someone more rational can try jnana yoga. The fact that yoga is addressed in Hindu religion as a path to realize god, is a big thing for me. I did not know that.
I thought that yoga was an alternative to gymming. But slowly I realized what it is intended for and when you know it (maybe u already know), you will fall in love with Patanjali and Shiva :-) It's an amazing science and technology for inner engineering. I am not doing my yoga but I can certainly believe what it aims to achieve.

So, unlike christianity or Islam, we can follow different ways and become tolerant as well.
2) The philosophy part - the vedas and the vedantas. I just started reading the vedantas and I am like "God.. how can a billion people, have missed this?". I don't know abt the bible/ Koran but I am fascinated by whatever little vedanta philosophy that I read... Again, the fact that the vedanta is part of Hindu religion is itself an honorable thing for me. The book (pdf) that I sent you is far better than "vedanta treatise" in terms of educating the concepts.

3) The way people created temples or gods - if you have the necessary technology, you can make the simple space around you into a Divine exuberance; you can just take a piece of rock and make it into a God or a Goddess;
This fact shook me.. the fact that man created gods :-) The fact that they state "I am god" (Aham brahmasmi).
4) The fact that this culture - rather than calling it a religion, has invested so much in understanding man and gods...right from sounds (mantras) to the science of temples to the lunar calendar, feminine traits- is astounding.

So far, I thought Hinduism was abt rituals, mantras and worshipping so many gods - most of whom I cannot even remember.
I do not go to temples. I am pretty much an outcast.. but when I chose to believe ( I cannot say that I know these by experience)...all that I read, I am fascinated.

http://blog.ishafoundation.org/yoga-meditation/science-of-temples/what-is-a-mantra/ (mantra and vibrations)
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/cosmic-download/ (abt yoga)
http://www.ishafoundation.org/news/columns/The-Speaking-Tree/2013/TheTimesofIndia-29-June-2013.pdf (science of temples)
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/yoga-meditation/demystifying-yoga/is-yoga-a-religion/ (yoga and hinduism)
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/relationships/the-feminine-presence-part-ii-2/ (what is feminine)

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The four main spiritual paths for God-realisation are Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Raja Yoga and Jnana Yoga. Karma Yoga is suitable for a man of active temperament, Bhakti Yoga for a man of devotional temperament, Raja Yoga for a man of mystic temperament, and Jnana Yoga for a man of rational and philosophical temperament, or a man of enquiry.
Hinduism provides spiritual food and Yoga Sadhana for all sorts of people to suit their temperaments, capacities, tastes, stages of spiritual development and conditions of life. It prescribes Yoga Sadhana even for a scavenger or a cobbler to attain God-realisation, while doing his ordinary avocation in the world. Hindu Yoga and Vedanta teachers lay great stress on self-restraint, Tapas, renunciation and practical Sadhana which is best calculated to control the mind and the senses and unfold the divinity or attain Self-realisation. Hinduism is not a religion of mere theories. It is eminently practical. In no religion you will find such a variety of practical Yoga practised and such sublime unique philosophy expounded. That is the reason why India is the only glorious land of sages, Rishis, Yogins and saints.
Religion is practical aspect of philosophy. Philosophy is rational aspect of religion. The philosophy of Hinduism is not arm-chair philosophy. It is not meant for intellectual curiosity and vain discussion. Hindu philosophy is a way of life. The philosopher of Hinduism seriously reflects after hearing the Srutis, does Atma-Vichara, constantly meditates, and then attains Self-realisation or Atma-Sakshatkara. Moksha is his goal. He attempts to attain Jivanmukti now and here.

Our happiness depends so much on the external world

A group of friends are sitting at a restaurant and chatting casually. There are girls and boys. It's easy to see that they are having a good time.
One very beautiful girl walks in to the restaurant. 2 of the girls look at her and it's obvious that they feel jealous and threatened. I wonder, if your happiness can be replaced with such feeling by some random external object, how are we to ever be happy?
It's just not possible. If someone or something has the power to cause us pain or any feeling other than joy, we have to worry a lot, because we live in a world full of people and things.. of all kinds. Something or the other is sure to walk past and destroy us.

Devotion

There is a stream of yoga called Bhakti yoga.
We can observe that many women are devoted to their gods. It's a common belief that women have qualities that easily make them devotees.
So far, my idea of devotee was so different. After reading this article and seeing the accompanying video I was affected profoundly. Devotion is being devoid of yourself and surrendering totally to some ideal or person! My god! Fascinating!

http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/spot/that-quality-will-become-you/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usbUjB-C2xY&list=PL3733AF3CE244FA6D&index=1

Movie dialogues in real life

I recently watched Nee thaane en pon vasantham. Wow.. Gautham, how do you do it?
He picks so many emotions.. he defines his characters so well! First it was VTV and now this.
Awesome work Gautham. I haven't seen NEP again ( My God, I think I watched VTV for 10 continuous days, it just overtook me and clung to me). So, I didn't want to do that with NEP.
But, I think NEP is more my kind of film than VTV. After reading the foll 2 reviews I started appreciating Gautham even more. I have always believed that when you have a scene or a dialogue, it should be justified. It should be there to clear up the character or build up for something in the end. Brangan and Balaji have done a great job at dissecting the movie. I loved these reviews. They clarified some of the scenes to me and why any dialogue was there in the first place. Many decisions and details are clarified in the passing, without fuss. Truly, my kind of film.. my kind of film maker.

http://baradwajrangan.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/neethane-en-ponvasantham-3455434576-7835/
http://balajithots.com/2012/12/30/neethaane-en-ponvasantham-an-introspection/

Since some people out here are die hard romantics, I was musing about the dialogues. There are some superb dialogues in the movie. When you hear them they tear you apart.

Cut...

Back to real life. I get to hear many of these senti dialogues at home. I really run away from such dialogues in real life. You just cannot deliver such dialogues in life. I think a lot of unspoken actions and gestures are what make real life sweet, than these dialogues. Ofcourse there is no Ilayaraja BGM for the dialogues or beautiful settings, but boss.. we'll keep such dialogues to movies. They really sound funny in real life. Also, I think the waiting and longing and musing and songs that we play when we're alone in our house or car, are more emotional than when we actually meet the loved one.
Wondering, if we really need a loved one or can go on with just imagination, since that's what seems more romantic than the actual meeting...the thoughts and imaginations supersede the reality.

Why do we need to feel superior?

I don't know if my observation is right, but we do certain things because of certain reasons - known or unknown reasons.

Why do girls have this constant need to look beautiful? Why do men crave success?
Why do we feel proud of some things?

How it all started...

One of the conversations with a friend...went in the wrong direction and started to hurt me.. things which I wanted to bury, were nudged and I started feeling resentful and angry. I wanted to be on the other side.. the one giving advice, not the one being adviced. I had tried something and it did not work for me, but for that person, without working that hard, it materialized. It made me resentful. It made me appear like a failure (atleast for sometime). I didn't like it that someone was making me feel miserable, for something that I had given up!

There is nothing wrong in taking advice. I have sincerely taken advice from so many people, but sometimes like this, I feel like tearing my hair.

Why?

On deep thought we all want to feel superior. Many of the things that we do, are to ensure that we are at the top, so that we don't have to "listen" from others. My parents have told this to me in many ways, many times. I never got the point. Now, it just struck me. We don't want to feel that we are inferior to anyone. For example, why do most people want to slim down? To look good.. to feel accepted.. to feel superior. A fat person is an easy target to shoot. Unknowingly we aspire to be thin because we associate beauty and slim with "superior". We want to be first in class, because it makes us superior. Most of these chases are for that.

But, if we are so rooted in ourself and we know what we want and where we are going, there is no comparison because all of us are unique and our paths are also unique. There is no superiority or inferiority there. Right? Atleast I learnt a lesson that day.

Stand by your man...

This is a really nice song.. and as usual, I listen to songs without paying attention to the lyrics.
But, what I want to write about is - standing for yourself..for the choices we make.. for where we are in life..owning up..and not feeling awkward or sympathetic.

Suddenly why this post?
I have been going to some place where I meet a lot of women. There are all kinds of women there - working, non-working, etc. Some of them were super ambitious and it was very difficult talking to them being on the other side "non-working" without sufficiently injuring one's ego. Why is a job so important? I have no idea. We are conditioned so much that we pity ourselves if we do not work for someone else...for the paycheck.

I realized that I feel so inferior to even tell that I am a housewife. It is a choice that I should accept. Why do I not accept it? There are dozens of things that I have done, which I have felt awkward explaining to people. I realized that I do not have the courage to backup my decisions. I realized that I let myself down, more than others doing so.Why is it so difficult? When we make a choice that is a little unusual, what is wrong? Why should we feel awkward and sympathetic? Why can't we just stand by that choice? If we don't stand for our choices, who else will? I am not saying that justify all the wrong things you did.. It's ok to commit mistakes, but it's ok to accept that it was made and stand by that decision still. This is going to be New Year Resolution 1.

To stand up for myself.
Whether I work, or sleep or laze around...
Whether I choose a low paying job or choose to study..
Whether I wear a torn dress or a well fitted one
Whether I am out in shabby hair or not..
I will stand by myself. I will respect who I am and my choices.
I will not feel apologetic for the choices I make.