The problem has come not because of karma, the problem has come because
you got entangled in it, you got enmeshed in it. If a little distance
comes between you and your body, between you and your mind, then
whatever the karma, it has no impact on you. You can still make use of
it to be embodied and live, you can still maintain a certain individual
character but it does not become a binding, it becomes a stepping stone. - Sadhguru.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
You and I
"I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to
your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You
are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is
beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. " - Frederick Perls.
Changing a relation status
Relations sometimes are like a car and a journey. Sometimes sweet, fun.. sometimes hurtful and bitter.
Recently I was speaking to someone and she mentioned how X's careless and uncaring attitude affected her. I had also earlier been troubled by it - in fact extremely troubled by it. I used to feel sad how they behaved as a family and how each member moved in a different direction. I used to wonder how the child will grow up to be. I had never witnessed a motherly tenderness and care in X. Somehow, I had not seen a family or mother daughter duo, this impersonal and uncaring. The firsts are always lessons, right? I too used to go out of my way to care for that person. But later on I realized that the person is incapable of caring for others. It's just not there in her sense. It's not like she tries to neglect people, she doesn't know to care; doesn't know to be there for a friend in need; She remains in her own world or in a world of turmoil (which is self created and she doesn't understand). My efforts to help her, have gone waste. Now, in an effort to save myself, I have distanced myself from X. I cannot bear to see the irresponsible behaviour always. It makes me angry.
I want to avoid thinking of X as every thought seems upsetting. But, what I realized is, over that year or more, I have distanced myself quite a bit. The way the family works, no longer affects me that much. I hardly pay attention to them. I do not go overboard to do anything and I do not expect anything from them. They may feel that I am a horrible person or whatever. But, this is an attempt to keep myself sane. Sometimes I feel I should be more compassionate. People in trouble need compassion. But, somehow I can't be that compassionate. I have accepted it.
So, our relation has changed gears from 5th to 1. We meet rarely. We're cordial. I want to keep it this way. Our values, aspirations, etc are so wide apart and I cannot relate to such people. But, I need to reduce my negativity to X. I will definitely try to do that because everyone is different. X is made out that way and makes no effort to change. (Who am I to even ask her to change?)
So, I should learn to accept that she is good enough for herself - may not be for me. We're all good enough for ourselves. If someone doesn't accept us, we can inspect and if some change is needed we can try or we could remain the same. The choice is ours. I cannot enforce my ideas and my idea of living on someone. That, I should not do. Since this is the first time I am having such a relation maybe I was in for a shock and unprepared. The more such people I meet, the more prepared I am. For now, I want to remove any ill feelings towards X and continue a cordial relations. Going forward we should learn to be cordial even to our so called enemies. Lesson to learn.
Recently I was speaking to someone and she mentioned how X's careless and uncaring attitude affected her. I had also earlier been troubled by it - in fact extremely troubled by it. I used to feel sad how they behaved as a family and how each member moved in a different direction. I used to wonder how the child will grow up to be. I had never witnessed a motherly tenderness and care in X. Somehow, I had not seen a family or mother daughter duo, this impersonal and uncaring. The firsts are always lessons, right? I too used to go out of my way to care for that person. But later on I realized that the person is incapable of caring for others. It's just not there in her sense. It's not like she tries to neglect people, she doesn't know to care; doesn't know to be there for a friend in need; She remains in her own world or in a world of turmoil (which is self created and she doesn't understand). My efforts to help her, have gone waste. Now, in an effort to save myself, I have distanced myself from X. I cannot bear to see the irresponsible behaviour always. It makes me angry.
I want to avoid thinking of X as every thought seems upsetting. But, what I realized is, over that year or more, I have distanced myself quite a bit. The way the family works, no longer affects me that much. I hardly pay attention to them. I do not go overboard to do anything and I do not expect anything from them. They may feel that I am a horrible person or whatever. But, this is an attempt to keep myself sane. Sometimes I feel I should be more compassionate. People in trouble need compassion. But, somehow I can't be that compassionate. I have accepted it.
So, our relation has changed gears from 5th to 1. We meet rarely. We're cordial. I want to keep it this way. Our values, aspirations, etc are so wide apart and I cannot relate to such people. But, I need to reduce my negativity to X. I will definitely try to do that because everyone is different. X is made out that way and makes no effort to change. (Who am I to even ask her to change?)
So, I should learn to accept that she is good enough for herself - may not be for me. We're all good enough for ourselves. If someone doesn't accept us, we can inspect and if some change is needed we can try or we could remain the same. The choice is ours. I cannot enforce my ideas and my idea of living on someone. That, I should not do. Since this is the first time I am having such a relation maybe I was in for a shock and unprepared. The more such people I meet, the more prepared I am. For now, I want to remove any ill feelings towards X and continue a cordial relations. Going forward we should learn to be cordial even to our so called enemies. Lesson to learn.
The axis
Echart Tolle said, "don't give your 100% to external situations. Keep some within. Observe your inner body when you perform actions".
I kind of understood that. I create an imaginary axis at my center and feel that I should be there.
Any situation I see how I am feeling. I have become more conscious.
I can understand that i am perturbed sometimes but calm other times.
There is un-necessary anxiety sometimes. Some leftover emotion are causing it.
Some people freak me. I become anxious, fake and cold with some people. I want to flee.
I have just been observing this and I can sense that when I am centered, conscious of my axis.. I feel better. There is a certain harmony.
I want to stay in that space for long. Maybe that will lead to an elevated consciousness.
Also, my teacher said "When your personality is changing, your axis is unstable". When we are undergoing huge changes, there is a lot of jerk. We behave abnormally, we may do a lot of silly things or unpleasant things. We should accept all of it. Every couple of months now, I am experiencing it. I go into turmoil. I feel hopeless.. and then I recover... and it has usually been stronger, more practical and wiser.
I kind of understood that. I create an imaginary axis at my center and feel that I should be there.
Any situation I see how I am feeling. I have become more conscious.
I can understand that i am perturbed sometimes but calm other times.
There is un-necessary anxiety sometimes. Some leftover emotion are causing it.
Some people freak me. I become anxious, fake and cold with some people. I want to flee.
I have just been observing this and I can sense that when I am centered, conscious of my axis.. I feel better. There is a certain harmony.
I want to stay in that space for long. Maybe that will lead to an elevated consciousness.
Also, my teacher said "When your personality is changing, your axis is unstable". When we are undergoing huge changes, there is a lot of jerk. We behave abnormally, we may do a lot of silly things or unpleasant things. We should accept all of it. Every couple of months now, I am experiencing it. I go into turmoil. I feel hopeless.. and then I recover... and it has usually been stronger, more practical and wiser.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Cause of chronic disease and ability of the body to heal itself
For some reason, disease and its root case and alternate medicine is on my mind.
I am reading a book called "A wise heart" and it talks about buddhist psychology in treating diseases.
I have no idea why some diseases occur, but if it's my mind that is causing it, I want to get rid of it.
Also, I have personally decided no more treatments for me. If something goes wrong, I will live with it and die peacefully. I will accept pain. I will not let these terrific modern medicine which has not been tested affect the balance and harmony. The journey will anyway continue in a new body and probably it's a better idea to shed a body which has lost its immunity to disease.
From: http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/health-fitness/chronic-disease-cause/
Also watch the foll to understand how science cannot measure everything. It relies so much on physical properties whereas the mind has a huge role to play. Science looks at matter and symptoms and Spirituality looks at the energy, the root cause, the imbalance that could have caused the disease, etc. I am now a huge believer of the power of the body to heal itself. I am living proof that with a healthy mental attitude, good health is never a distant goal. We cannot deal with certain chronic ailments but many modern day ailments can definitely be treated by taming the mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Questioner: Sadhguru, you mentioned in previous discourses that 70% of all illnesses are mind-created. If that is so, what would be the emotional and thought pattern behind it, and how to correct that?
Sadhguru:You sound like a disciple of Freud. Only recently, certain letters became public that showed how hollow this man was who is seen as the father of modern psychoanalysis. This is not the way to approach it.
To give you a simple analogy – suppose your right hand was acting funny, beating you up, strangling and torturing you every day – would this not be sickness? For sure it would be. That is exactly what your mind is doing. It is acting funny, hurting you, poking you, making you cry, making you suffer – is this not sickness? But too many people are with you – you can form an army of sick people. When there is an army in front of you, sick or otherwise, there is no point in arguing with them – just bow down to them and keep going. That is what most enlightened beings have done – they just closed their eyes and sat.
If you are soaked in this poisonous soup on a daily basis, how can you be well? Today, we only have limited control about what we eat, what we drink, what we breathe – all that is somewhat poisoned. The world is trying to poison you in some way, but if you are not only on industrial help but on self-help, depending upon how hard you strive, you will succeed. You know, “self-help is the best help.”
Ancient societies always saw disease as something wrong – a human being should not be in any state of illness. But modern societies are treating disease as normal, because there is a whole industry that thrives on it. One of the largest industries on the planet is pharmaceuticals, which means there is too much lousy soup. Every day, you have to add something to it to make it nice. If you are willing, we can make this into a wonderful soup, without external chemicals. Once your chemistry is in a fantastic state, to be blissful will be natural. That way, 70% of the ailments could vanish from the planet. For the remaining 30%, there are many external influences, which are not always in your control. But what you are doing from within can be 100% in your control.
If you are constantly creating a nasty chemistry within you, how is life within you supposed to understand you are seeking wellbeing? It will assume you like ailments and will give them to you. Some people may have a robust system that will take a lot of beating – some people will fall at the very first assault. But if you are poisoning your system from within through the thoughts and emotions that you generate, sooner or later, it will get you.
I am reading a book called "A wise heart" and it talks about buddhist psychology in treating diseases.
I have no idea why some diseases occur, but if it's my mind that is causing it, I want to get rid of it.
Also, I have personally decided no more treatments for me. If something goes wrong, I will live with it and die peacefully. I will accept pain. I will not let these terrific modern medicine which has not been tested affect the balance and harmony. The journey will anyway continue in a new body and probably it's a better idea to shed a body which has lost its immunity to disease.
From: http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/health-fitness/chronic-disease-cause/
Also watch the foll to understand how science cannot measure everything. It relies so much on physical properties whereas the mind has a huge role to play. Science looks at matter and symptoms and Spirituality looks at the energy, the root cause, the imbalance that could have caused the disease, etc. I am now a huge believer of the power of the body to heal itself. I am living proof that with a healthy mental attitude, good health is never a distant goal. We cannot deal with certain chronic ailments but many modern day ailments can definitely be treated by taming the mind.
Questioner: Sadhguru, you mentioned in previous discourses that 70% of all illnesses are mind-created. If that is so, what would be the emotional and thought pattern behind it, and how to correct that?
Sadhguru:You sound like a disciple of Freud. Only recently, certain letters became public that showed how hollow this man was who is seen as the father of modern psychoanalysis. This is not the way to approach it.
To give you a simple analogy – suppose your right hand was acting funny, beating you up, strangling and torturing you every day – would this not be sickness? For sure it would be. That is exactly what your mind is doing. It is acting funny, hurting you, poking you, making you cry, making you suffer – is this not sickness? But too many people are with you – you can form an army of sick people. When there is an army in front of you, sick or otherwise, there is no point in arguing with them – just bow down to them and keep going. That is what most enlightened beings have done – they just closed their eyes and sat.
Ancient
societies always saw disease as something wrong. But modern societies
are treating disease as normal, because there is a whole industry that
thrives on it.
Sickness can manifest in many ways in the physical body. Every
thought, every reverberation on the level of the mind changes your
chemistry. Let’s say you think about tigers, one kind of chemical change
will happen. If you think about flowers, another kind of chemical
change will happen. Depending on the type of thoughts you create, you
may produce a lousy, poisonous soup.If you are soaked in this poisonous soup on a daily basis, how can you be well? Today, we only have limited control about what we eat, what we drink, what we breathe – all that is somewhat poisoned. The world is trying to poison you in some way, but if you are not only on industrial help but on self-help, depending upon how hard you strive, you will succeed. You know, “self-help is the best help.”
Ancient societies always saw disease as something wrong – a human being should not be in any state of illness. But modern societies are treating disease as normal, because there is a whole industry that thrives on it. One of the largest industries on the planet is pharmaceuticals, which means there is too much lousy soup. Every day, you have to add something to it to make it nice. If you are willing, we can make this into a wonderful soup, without external chemicals. Once your chemistry is in a fantastic state, to be blissful will be natural. That way, 70% of the ailments could vanish from the planet. For the remaining 30%, there are many external influences, which are not always in your control. But what you are doing from within can be 100% in your control.
If you are constantly creating a nasty chemistry within you, how is life within you supposed to understand you are seeking wellbeing? It will assume you like ailments and will give them to you. Some people may have a robust system that will take a lot of beating – some people will fall at the very first assault. But if you are poisoning your system from within through the thoughts and emotions that you generate, sooner or later, it will get you.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
The soul...
Every day you should sit quietly and affirm, with deep conviction: "No
birth, no death, no caste have I; father, mother, have I none. Blessed
Spirit, I am He. I am the Infinite Happiness." If you again and again
repeat these thoughts, day and night, you will eventually realize what
you really are: an immortal soul.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Doing what you love and not creating karma
When you do more of what you love, you're totally IN the moment, in the activity. Your mind does not wander. It does not bother to check facebook or complain about your neighbour. It doesn't create "psychological time" as per Eckhart Tolle. Eckhart Tolle says, there is no time.. there is only psychological time, created by the mind. So, you don't create new memories/ conditioning/ preferences and dislikes during the time when you do something passionately. So you do not create new karma. We can also feel that we never feel drained when we do things we love. We always have the energy to do it and the activity also generates energy for us.
We all spend a majority of our time at work. So it's important that you be present fully at your work. If your work is such that you feel distracted mostly, you need to think. So, no matter what you earn, if you're in a job that created psychological time, it's time to quit. It may not be possible for everyone to take this step as we all have family commitments and we need the month end paycheck. But if we have the courage to do some introspection and try to find a way out, we will be rewarded. Else, if we can train the mind to look at our current jobs as more than jobs, in a joyful way and focus on the job, we are still good. At the end of life, you carry forward your karmas to the next birth, not the wealth that you have accumulated. Right?
On hindsight I think this is life's mechanism to move you from something you were not destined to do, to guide you to the things you should be doing, which are suitable for your svadharma. When you do things that you like, the voice in the head goes silent. You feel peaceful. You can sense a harmony. There may be other things in the day that you "need" to do, which you may not really like to do, which can cause imbalance, but that's still ok. If a majority of the time you work in harmony, you're doing good and slowly you can also find ways to make the rest of the day harmonious.
==================================================================
Bhagavan Ramana : Effortless and choiceless awareness is our real nature. If we can attain it or
be in that state, it is all right. But one cannot reach it without effort, the effort of deliberate meditation. All the age-long vasanas carry the mind outward and turn it to external objects. All such thoughts have to be given up and the mind turned inward. For that, effort is necessary for most people. Of course everybody, every book says, “Summa iru” i.e., “Be quiet or still”. But it is not easy. That is why all this effort is necessary. Even if we find one who has at once achieved the mauna or Supreme state indicated by “Summa iru”, you may take it that the effort necessary has already been finished in a previous life. So that, effortless and choiceless awareness is reached only after deliberate meditation. That meditation can take any form which appeals to you best. See what helps you to keep away all other thoughts and adopt that method for your meditation.
==================================================================
Following is Sadhguru's thoughts on karma yoga.
Karma yoga has unfortunately been described as service, but it is not so. It is a way of undoing the impressions that you have gathered. If you can joyfully involve yourself in any activity, that is karma yoga. If you do it with great effort, only karma will come, no yoga will happen!
Generally it is through various activities that you perform that you get entangled and enmeshed with life. But if the activity becomes a process of liberation instead of entanglement, it is karma yoga. Whether it is work or walking on the street or talking to someone, the nature of the activity is not important. When you do something only because it is needed, where it does not mean anything to you but you are capable of involving yourself as if that is your life, it transforms you and action becomes liberating.
We all spend a majority of our time at work. So it's important that you be present fully at your work. If your work is such that you feel distracted mostly, you need to think. So, no matter what you earn, if you're in a job that created psychological time, it's time to quit. It may not be possible for everyone to take this step as we all have family commitments and we need the month end paycheck. But if we have the courage to do some introspection and try to find a way out, we will be rewarded. Else, if we can train the mind to look at our current jobs as more than jobs, in a joyful way and focus on the job, we are still good. At the end of life, you carry forward your karmas to the next birth, not the wealth that you have accumulated. Right?
On hindsight I think this is life's mechanism to move you from something you were not destined to do, to guide you to the things you should be doing, which are suitable for your svadharma. When you do things that you like, the voice in the head goes silent. You feel peaceful. You can sense a harmony. There may be other things in the day that you "need" to do, which you may not really like to do, which can cause imbalance, but that's still ok. If a majority of the time you work in harmony, you're doing good and slowly you can also find ways to make the rest of the day harmonious.
==================================================================
Bhagavan Ramana : Effortless and choiceless awareness is our real nature. If we can attain it or
be in that state, it is all right. But one cannot reach it without effort, the effort of deliberate meditation. All the age-long vasanas carry the mind outward and turn it to external objects. All such thoughts have to be given up and the mind turned inward. For that, effort is necessary for most people. Of course everybody, every book says, “Summa iru” i.e., “Be quiet or still”. But it is not easy. That is why all this effort is necessary. Even if we find one who has at once achieved the mauna or Supreme state indicated by “Summa iru”, you may take it that the effort necessary has already been finished in a previous life. So that, effortless and choiceless awareness is reached only after deliberate meditation. That meditation can take any form which appeals to you best. See what helps you to keep away all other thoughts and adopt that method for your meditation.
==================================================================
Following is Sadhguru's thoughts on karma yoga.
Karma yoga has unfortunately been described as service, but it is not so. It is a way of undoing the impressions that you have gathered. If you can joyfully involve yourself in any activity, that is karma yoga. If you do it with great effort, only karma will come, no yoga will happen!
Generally it is through various activities that you perform that you get entangled and enmeshed with life. But if the activity becomes a process of liberation instead of entanglement, it is karma yoga. Whether it is work or walking on the street or talking to someone, the nature of the activity is not important. When you do something only because it is needed, where it does not mean anything to you but you are capable of involving yourself as if that is your life, it transforms you and action becomes liberating.
The power of stillness in curing diseases
The human body has
potential to cure its own ailments provided you know about your body. I
don’t discuss religion, so don’t be afraid of me. No matter from which
religious background you come from, I want to give you something which
you need in your daily life. All the great bibles of the world say one
and the same thing—be still, be still. For a few minutes in the morning
and the evening, every human being should learn to be still. Why,
because you will meet God? No, that’s not necessary. You will be
healthy. For your mental health it’s important for you to understand
quietness, stillness. During that time, those muscles which do not get
rest even in sleep get rested. The voluntary system you can control. You
can exercise and develop all of your gross muscles, but you don’t have
control over your involuntary system, the subtle set of muscles. For
that you should learn to compose yourself, you should learn to be quiet,
you should learn to be still, you should learn to breathe in a serene
way. Scientists have realized that 70-80% of all diseases are
psychosomatic diseases. They originate in the mind and are reflected in
the body. These diseases are created by our bad thinking, negative
thinking, passive thinking, not having control over our emotional life,
not organizing our behavior, not understanding how to behave in the
external world which is actually a very simple thing. Therefore, it’s
important for a human being, modern woman and man, to relax, to learn
how to give rest to that part of the system which we normally do not
know how to relax. Only 25% of the diseases come from the outside, are
infectious or hereditary diseases. It means 75% of the diseases are not
cured by so-called medicines.
From: http://www.swamij.com/swami-rama-the-mind.htm
From: http://www.swamij.com/swami-rama-the-mind.htm
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
How to have happy relations
I was musing about certain things the past few days.
Why do relations become a pain for people, etc...
What I realized are:
Our relatives are people who will be associated with us for a very long time unlike friends, who usually come and go.
Our relatives are not the people you choose - you can choose your friends but relatives are added.
Your closest cousin may marry a person, you can't gel with. What do you do?
We Indians are afraid of speaking our mind. We dislike somethings but we hold a grudge and backbite instead of openly telling people what we feel. If some relatives take advantage of us, instead of saying No, we will do the thing and complain behind their back.
We would go and gossip about A to B and how A did not treat us well, etc.
One of the most commonly complained things is - being taken advantage of or asked for too many favours or people not remembering what you did for them or inferiority complex.
As we grow, the more negative relations we have, the more it sucks our energy.
Life is a struggle to be better..that struggle should only create better things.
While thinking deep on this topic I realized a few things:
a) First and foremost is, know your relations. We cannot get very comfortable with everyone. Your mom's sister may be very close to you but you may not be able to get the same closeness with someone else. You may be able to do more for your close aunt than for your other relation. Avoid all negative relations.
b) We don't say "No" sometimes. A "No" is a better way to save resentment. If your "No" comes from a position of inability to help (rather than not wanting to help, where you can help) you will never feel guilty. Explain why you're not able to help and say sorry and let the other party understand.
I was reading http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-set-boundaries-in-relationship and it's a must read for all. Many a times we end up in resentment because we had to go beyond our capacity to help others. It sours the relation. Instead, have healthy relations. Treat people well in general but if there are times when it's too hard, do say "No".
c) Many a times we overestimate our help. A close family member will take everyone's problems on his head. The person himself may not think of it as a do or die situation but X will. He will put all his effort to help. Finally after a few years if he's not treated well or forgotten he feels bad.
The thing is, when you help someone in real need, they will never never forget it and you will also never need a "Thanks" from them. The happiness of helping such a needy person is itself sufficient.
One good example is, my dad helped a cousin get plastic surgery because of which she could get married. For her, it was a defining moment. Without that help, she would not have got married. There is no way she can forget my dad and my dad also doesn't need to hear a Thank you. The help itself was so magnificent.
Whereas, on the other hand, he helped one of his colleagues, get her job back in an unethical way.
That colleague, in all probability had no need for the job. The job was more of a luxury to her and it was got to her by unethical ways. So, a few years later, she will never remember my dad. I am sure he will feel let down with her.
So - you need to discriminate the real needs and comforts. When you give someone comforts it doesn't matter much to them. No one will remember that I change the bedsheets and pillow cases for every guest, so that it's clean and hygienic. It's a comfort that I offer. Whereas, if I give people a room to stay, when they do not have a place to stay in town, they will most probably acknowledge it. Also, no one will care that you spent 5 hours making a fancy mousse. You're doing it for your satisfaction and because you have a skill. Whereas, if you feed a real simple meal to a hungry person, it will help them more. So, know the NEEDs from the comforts.
Personally, I feel, one should go to great lengths to help the one in dire NEED. Whereas, if it's a matter of comfort, do it only if you have time and energy and inclination to help.
d) Never over ask for favours. Unfortunately, my dad, does this every single time.
I cringe everytime that he does this. He's helped people a lot. Sure. But that does not mean you ask a favour of someone which is actually a disturbance for them. Last week he asked my cousin to drop us from point A to our house. I did not know that my cousin stayed near point A. He drove all the way to drop us and drove the same distance back, that too at 10:30 at night. I felt horrible.
Don't just drop off at people's house unexpectedly. Don't drop in at people's place during regular lunch or interval times. Your host is then compelled to serve you food and they may not have the time, energy, ingredients or inclination to do so. It's not like people are always ready with extra food or all ingredients to throw a meal at short notice. As a thumbrule, don't do these things.
I remember so many times when we were at a relatives place and the lady of the house was so irritated due to our presence. It meant extra work for her. She probably did not want us there. At that time I never understood. But today I can. Never be an unwanted guest anywhere. It's a matter of dignity too. If you repeatedly keep asking for favours, people will get annoyed. They may bite their teeth and do it, but don't let that happen. Ask only for genuine favours, that too when you know that the other person can help. Whenever you ask for any favour think a hundred times. Don't spoil your relations.
Whenever I set out to people's house I am very careful. I will never drop in during lunch or dinner time. At the most I can drop in for tea. Also, if I need help I will think a thousand times. Is it going to be a stretch for A to help me? How much of their time will it take? Is there any money involved? Will they say No? - Somehow because we do this, we seem to have good relations. We help people and we ask for limited help.
e) Be honest. Speak your mind. Don't hide resentment. Don't fake closeness. Be truthful and open.
Try to patch up. Else if the hurt is very strong, I recommend cutting off the relation.
Over years people gather a lot of hurt. Don't empower the hurt. Don't swell on them and let them feed you. It will make you negative. Instead sever ties and become positive.
I like my mom's attitude in this regard. If she does not like a relation, she cuts it off completely. She doesn't try to fake closeness. You will know that you're not in her good books :-) So many times, I end up falling in her bad books because I refuse to follow what she says :-)
She will not invite someone to her function for namesake. She will live with the ostracism than do that. She will not go to anyone's house or eat at their place if she does not feel comfortable.
f) Another thing is, we all consider that we're running a race. We need to be better than our neighbours, our colleagues, our friends and our relatives. Our children should have more degrees, better jobs, better houses and better cars. So, our relatives end up being people whom we compare ourself and our children against. This is never bound to create happy relations and it's bound to fail. Our only wish should be that we do our best, our children do their best and end up in jobs that they like and bring up their children with values. Beyond that, if my child earns less than my cousin's child - should not bother me. Earnings and social status is never a true measure of things. Long back PhDs earned so much less than most working people. For all their intellectualism and hard work they earned less. Today, my company pays so much to freshers than I make untill I was 29 years old. i.e Only after 8 years of working did I get that kind of pay. The world and economic structures change rapidly. Our skills and demand for our skills change. What was hot 10 years back is not hot today. New fields are emerging. Paychecks are fattening. Lifestyles are getting affluent. There is no way to compare two people - their education and earnings. My cousin, who is extremely hard working and is trying for MD will never see money till she becomes 27 or 28 probably. By that time, any software engineer will have a huge corpus and will own a house and a car. But a doctor is a doctor and we will all respect her much more than we respect a software engineer. So - we need to be realistic somewhere. An artists with amazing capabilities may die of penury.
So, as sadhguru says, these are just social or financial situations. Don't take it seriously and never compare 2 humans. It's gross injustice to both. Someone maybe rich but another "actually richer".
Everyone's aspirations and goals are different.
h) Another most important thing - do not poison your children. Let them evaluate people and choose their close relatives. Your equation with your mother in law maybe screwed but your children can have healthy relations with the grand parent. Never interfere with that. I can see so many children, who are exposed to so many negativism within the family. These children end up being suspicious people - doing bad things like tapping phone calls, opening gift made to someone, eavesdropping on private conversations, or not treating a relation with respect, etc. I find it abominable when children do it. It's ok for a conditioned adult to behave this way, but when children do it, I find it intolerable. In the name of teaching, you're spoiling your child's inner beauty. You're making them mature and negative to others. They will always be suspicious and never have open relations. Their first thought of a relation will always be doubt and suspicion. I am glad that my mom never taught be who is what.
I always gew up believing that people were all good. Yes, over the years I have come to realise that neither am I a buddha nor is everyone good. There are people who cannot be close. There are people who are opportunists. There are people who will not treat you well if you're not well off. But those people do not matter. But, overall whatever I know of relations, is not through my mom's teachings. That is why I am able to have close relations with the same people whom she hates. If she had taught me early on, I would have also hated some people. But I was free to form my own relations using my own judgements, which I feel is a good thing. A person will have different relation with X and X's children. X is an adult whereas, X's child is innocent, pure and open to relations. That's how it should be.
i) Accomodate changes. A person matures with age. They usually become better. Whatever grudges you have, drop them and accept the new person. Then only life is meaningful. We all change over time. Some relations fade and new ones form. Always evaluate a person for what they are now - not what they were 20 years ago. 10 years back, in my immaturity I had a lot of hatred against few relations. Today, I have matured and they have also opened up themselves to me and we have a really good relation. If I still hold the grudge that they ill treated me long back, this cannot happen. Our efforts to become better people encompasses moving on and accepting changes - both in us, others and in the relation between us.
Read this interesting article:
http://www.newindianexpress.com/lifestyle/article328930.ece
j) Last but not the least, always treat people well. Whoever it be. If you meet someone, greet them and treat them well. Never ever make faces or behave in a cheap manner. Always think that you are god and everyone is god. Behave like a god.
So - these are the things that come to my mind. I want to have very positive healthy relations. I value every person. I want to nourish relations and grow into a better person and help others also grow into positive people and healthy, successful people. This, is an attempt towards that.
Why do relations become a pain for people, etc...
What I realized are:
Our relatives are people who will be associated with us for a very long time unlike friends, who usually come and go.
Our relatives are not the people you choose - you can choose your friends but relatives are added.
Your closest cousin may marry a person, you can't gel with. What do you do?
We Indians are afraid of speaking our mind. We dislike somethings but we hold a grudge and backbite instead of openly telling people what we feel. If some relatives take advantage of us, instead of saying No, we will do the thing and complain behind their back.
We would go and gossip about A to B and how A did not treat us well, etc.
One of the most commonly complained things is - being taken advantage of or asked for too many favours or people not remembering what you did for them or inferiority complex.
As we grow, the more negative relations we have, the more it sucks our energy.
Life is a struggle to be better..that struggle should only create better things.
While thinking deep on this topic I realized a few things:
a) First and foremost is, know your relations. We cannot get very comfortable with everyone. Your mom's sister may be very close to you but you may not be able to get the same closeness with someone else. You may be able to do more for your close aunt than for your other relation. Avoid all negative relations.
b) We don't say "No" sometimes. A "No" is a better way to save resentment. If your "No" comes from a position of inability to help (rather than not wanting to help, where you can help) you will never feel guilty. Explain why you're not able to help and say sorry and let the other party understand.
I was reading http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-set-boundaries-in-relationship and it's a must read for all. Many a times we end up in resentment because we had to go beyond our capacity to help others. It sours the relation. Instead, have healthy relations. Treat people well in general but if there are times when it's too hard, do say "No".
c) Many a times we overestimate our help. A close family member will take everyone's problems on his head. The person himself may not think of it as a do or die situation but X will. He will put all his effort to help. Finally after a few years if he's not treated well or forgotten he feels bad.
The thing is, when you help someone in real need, they will never never forget it and you will also never need a "Thanks" from them. The happiness of helping such a needy person is itself sufficient.
One good example is, my dad helped a cousin get plastic surgery because of which she could get married. For her, it was a defining moment. Without that help, she would not have got married. There is no way she can forget my dad and my dad also doesn't need to hear a Thank you. The help itself was so magnificent.
Whereas, on the other hand, he helped one of his colleagues, get her job back in an unethical way.
That colleague, in all probability had no need for the job. The job was more of a luxury to her and it was got to her by unethical ways. So, a few years later, she will never remember my dad. I am sure he will feel let down with her.
So - you need to discriminate the real needs and comforts. When you give someone comforts it doesn't matter much to them. No one will remember that I change the bedsheets and pillow cases for every guest, so that it's clean and hygienic. It's a comfort that I offer. Whereas, if I give people a room to stay, when they do not have a place to stay in town, they will most probably acknowledge it. Also, no one will care that you spent 5 hours making a fancy mousse. You're doing it for your satisfaction and because you have a skill. Whereas, if you feed a real simple meal to a hungry person, it will help them more. So, know the NEEDs from the comforts.
Personally, I feel, one should go to great lengths to help the one in dire NEED. Whereas, if it's a matter of comfort, do it only if you have time and energy and inclination to help.
d) Never over ask for favours. Unfortunately, my dad, does this every single time.
I cringe everytime that he does this. He's helped people a lot. Sure. But that does not mean you ask a favour of someone which is actually a disturbance for them. Last week he asked my cousin to drop us from point A to our house. I did not know that my cousin stayed near point A. He drove all the way to drop us and drove the same distance back, that too at 10:30 at night. I felt horrible.
Don't just drop off at people's house unexpectedly. Don't drop in at people's place during regular lunch or interval times. Your host is then compelled to serve you food and they may not have the time, energy, ingredients or inclination to do so. It's not like people are always ready with extra food or all ingredients to throw a meal at short notice. As a thumbrule, don't do these things.
I remember so many times when we were at a relatives place and the lady of the house was so irritated due to our presence. It meant extra work for her. She probably did not want us there. At that time I never understood. But today I can. Never be an unwanted guest anywhere. It's a matter of dignity too. If you repeatedly keep asking for favours, people will get annoyed. They may bite their teeth and do it, but don't let that happen. Ask only for genuine favours, that too when you know that the other person can help. Whenever you ask for any favour think a hundred times. Don't spoil your relations.
Whenever I set out to people's house I am very careful. I will never drop in during lunch or dinner time. At the most I can drop in for tea. Also, if I need help I will think a thousand times. Is it going to be a stretch for A to help me? How much of their time will it take? Is there any money involved? Will they say No? - Somehow because we do this, we seem to have good relations. We help people and we ask for limited help.
e) Be honest. Speak your mind. Don't hide resentment. Don't fake closeness. Be truthful and open.
Try to patch up. Else if the hurt is very strong, I recommend cutting off the relation.
Over years people gather a lot of hurt. Don't empower the hurt. Don't swell on them and let them feed you. It will make you negative. Instead sever ties and become positive.
I like my mom's attitude in this regard. If she does not like a relation, she cuts it off completely. She doesn't try to fake closeness. You will know that you're not in her good books :-) So many times, I end up falling in her bad books because I refuse to follow what she says :-)
She will not invite someone to her function for namesake. She will live with the ostracism than do that. She will not go to anyone's house or eat at their place if she does not feel comfortable.
f) Another thing is, we all consider that we're running a race. We need to be better than our neighbours, our colleagues, our friends and our relatives. Our children should have more degrees, better jobs, better houses and better cars. So, our relatives end up being people whom we compare ourself and our children against. This is never bound to create happy relations and it's bound to fail. Our only wish should be that we do our best, our children do their best and end up in jobs that they like and bring up their children with values. Beyond that, if my child earns less than my cousin's child - should not bother me. Earnings and social status is never a true measure of things. Long back PhDs earned so much less than most working people. For all their intellectualism and hard work they earned less. Today, my company pays so much to freshers than I make untill I was 29 years old. i.e Only after 8 years of working did I get that kind of pay. The world and economic structures change rapidly. Our skills and demand for our skills change. What was hot 10 years back is not hot today. New fields are emerging. Paychecks are fattening. Lifestyles are getting affluent. There is no way to compare two people - their education and earnings. My cousin, who is extremely hard working and is trying for MD will never see money till she becomes 27 or 28 probably. By that time, any software engineer will have a huge corpus and will own a house and a car. But a doctor is a doctor and we will all respect her much more than we respect a software engineer. So - we need to be realistic somewhere. An artists with amazing capabilities may die of penury.
So, as sadhguru says, these are just social or financial situations. Don't take it seriously and never compare 2 humans. It's gross injustice to both. Someone maybe rich but another "actually richer".
Everyone's aspirations and goals are different.
"Labels are distancing phenomena — stop using them! And when people use them around you, have the gumption and the guts to say, “What and who are you talking about because I don’t know any such thing.” … There is no word vast enough to begin to describe even the simplest of man. But only you can stop it. A loving person won’t stand for it. There are too many beautiful things about each human being to call him a name and put him aside."g) Never take one aspect of a person and judge them harshly. Someone maybe selfish. So what? As long as that does not affect you - don't bother. Someone may be a miser. Someone may be proud or egoistic. Someone may be a bad cook. Someone may not know how to talk. These are small aspects of people. A person, as quoted above, has too many things. If we discard the bad and see the positives, we'll have positive relations. We all have so many negatives. We have slip of tongues. We blurt out. We sometimes behave proudly, not knowing that we're hurting others. When we have so many negatives, others will also have right? Who's perfect and why be perfect I say?
h) Another most important thing - do not poison your children. Let them evaluate people and choose their close relatives. Your equation with your mother in law maybe screwed but your children can have healthy relations with the grand parent. Never interfere with that. I can see so many children, who are exposed to so many negativism within the family. These children end up being suspicious people - doing bad things like tapping phone calls, opening gift made to someone, eavesdropping on private conversations, or not treating a relation with respect, etc. I find it abominable when children do it. It's ok for a conditioned adult to behave this way, but when children do it, I find it intolerable. In the name of teaching, you're spoiling your child's inner beauty. You're making them mature and negative to others. They will always be suspicious and never have open relations. Their first thought of a relation will always be doubt and suspicion. I am glad that my mom never taught be who is what.
I always gew up believing that people were all good. Yes, over the years I have come to realise that neither am I a buddha nor is everyone good. There are people who cannot be close. There are people who are opportunists. There are people who will not treat you well if you're not well off. But those people do not matter. But, overall whatever I know of relations, is not through my mom's teachings. That is why I am able to have close relations with the same people whom she hates. If she had taught me early on, I would have also hated some people. But I was free to form my own relations using my own judgements, which I feel is a good thing. A person will have different relation with X and X's children. X is an adult whereas, X's child is innocent, pure and open to relations. That's how it should be.
i) Accomodate changes. A person matures with age. They usually become better. Whatever grudges you have, drop them and accept the new person. Then only life is meaningful. We all change over time. Some relations fade and new ones form. Always evaluate a person for what they are now - not what they were 20 years ago. 10 years back, in my immaturity I had a lot of hatred against few relations. Today, I have matured and they have also opened up themselves to me and we have a really good relation. If I still hold the grudge that they ill treated me long back, this cannot happen. Our efforts to become better people encompasses moving on and accepting changes - both in us, others and in the relation between us.
Read this interesting article:
http://www.newindianexpress.com/lifestyle/article328930.ece
j) Last but not the least, always treat people well. Whoever it be. If you meet someone, greet them and treat them well. Never ever make faces or behave in a cheap manner. Always think that you are god and everyone is god. Behave like a god.
So - these are the things that come to my mind. I want to have very positive healthy relations. I value every person. I want to nourish relations and grow into a better person and help others also grow into positive people and healthy, successful people. This, is an attempt towards that.
The beauty of surrender
http://www.jenniferkassllc.com/uncategorized/are-you-judging-everything/
The ability to move forward with creative projects, relationships, and all the rest without trying to make them perfect is hard to do when we’re used to judging and controlling things. The problem with creating something and not letting it be what it’s meant to be in that moment and putting it out into the world, is that it will never actually go out into the world or develop or get to the next level!
We do this in our work, our relationships, even with our bodies. This belief that we’re not where we’re meant to be, whether it’s with the weight, or the project, or in the relationship, does not allow it to be whatever it perfectly is in that moment. Until we accept exactly where we are right now and LOVE it and trust it, things will remain stuck and unable to unfold in the beautiful way they’re meant to.
When we apply non-judgment to any person, situation or creative project, we release our tight hold on it and let it be whatever it’s meant to be. But the big surprise that none of us realize is that when we do this, it’s ALWAYS bigger and better than we could imagine. Because there is our plan–and there is the higher plan that is not in our control–and it’s better that way. When we relax and allow things to be what and where they need to be, we are practicing the highest level of surrender.
Surrender is releasing the need to control outcomes and situations, allowing them to be of the highest good and of the highest service to all involved. Surrender is when we get out of the driver’s seat and let a force much bigger than ourselves take over, a force that is unconditional love, a divine all-knowing, cosmic flow that brings in miracles and a level of creativity and ease that we would otherwise never experience in this lifetime. Surrender is the fast-track to happiness. And when we’re happy, we’re unstoppable.
The ability to move forward with creative projects, relationships, and all the rest without trying to make them perfect is hard to do when we’re used to judging and controlling things. The problem with creating something and not letting it be what it’s meant to be in that moment and putting it out into the world, is that it will never actually go out into the world or develop or get to the next level!
We do this in our work, our relationships, even with our bodies. This belief that we’re not where we’re meant to be, whether it’s with the weight, or the project, or in the relationship, does not allow it to be whatever it perfectly is in that moment. Until we accept exactly where we are right now and LOVE it and trust it, things will remain stuck and unable to unfold in the beautiful way they’re meant to.
When we apply non-judgment to any person, situation or creative project, we release our tight hold on it and let it be whatever it’s meant to be. But the big surprise that none of us realize is that when we do this, it’s ALWAYS bigger and better than we could imagine. Because there is our plan–and there is the higher plan that is not in our control–and it’s better that way. When we relax and allow things to be what and where they need to be, we are practicing the highest level of surrender.
Surrender is releasing the need to control outcomes and situations, allowing them to be of the highest good and of the highest service to all involved. Surrender is when we get out of the driver’s seat and let a force much bigger than ourselves take over, a force that is unconditional love, a divine all-knowing, cosmic flow that brings in miracles and a level of creativity and ease that we would otherwise never experience in this lifetime. Surrender is the fast-track to happiness. And when we’re happy, we’re unstoppable.
The freedom within each man
Man’s Search for Meaning author, Victor E. Frankl said,
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human
freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to
choose one’s own way.”
Monday, May 26, 2014
The song of the soul
There
is a tribe in Africa called the Himba tribe, where the birth date of a
child is counted not from when they were born, nor from when they are
conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s
mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off
and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear
the song of the child that wants to come.
And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man
who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when
they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they
sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.
The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.
And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person.
You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.
Source: The Mind Unleashed
www.themindunleashed.org
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.
The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.
And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person.
You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.
Source: The Mind Unleashed
www.themindunleashed.org
Luxuries
Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are
not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of
mankind.
— Thoreau
— Thoreau
Thoureau on simplicity and technology
http://simplicitycollective.com/thoreau/thoreau-on-technology
Thoreau On Technology
What about technology? Must the simple liver indiscriminately renounce it? Thoreau thought that it is certainly better to accept than reject the advantages, though so dearly bought, which the invention and industry of humankind offer – provided, of course, that they are genuine advantages.[1] But he warned that often with these ‘modern improvements’ there is ‘an illusion about them; there is not always a positive advance…. Our inventions are want to be pretty toys, which distract us from serious things. They are an improved means to an unimproved end.’[2] It is all very well to invent or be able to afford some new gadget, Thoreau was saying, but we should look upon new technologies with a measure of scepticism, for however ingenious and marvellous the invention may seem, it will likely have unintended side-effects and even shape who we are as persons, in ways that are not always obvious or positive. Looking to our own day, the television, for example, is a remarkable human achievement, and yet, aside from sleeping and working, the television now consumes more time of the typical North American or Briton than any other activity, and other ‘advanced societies’ watch almost as much.[3] One does not have to be an ‘elitist’ to have doubts about whether this is really the best way to spend our freedom. The point is that if we do not know what to do with technology, then it can be life-debilitating rather than life-enhancing.Trying to get us to question the purpose of various technologies and whether they actually improve our lives, Thoreau wrote:
We are in great haste to construct a magnetic telegraph from Maine to Texas; but Maine and Texas, it may be, have nothing important to communicate…. As if the main object were to talk fast and not to talk sensibly. We are eager to tunnel under the Atlantic and bring the Old World some weeks nearer to the New; but perchance the first news that will leak through into the broad, flapping American ear will be that the Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough.[4]
The problem is that technology is often just there – fascinating, new, socially celebrated, affordable, and available – and it is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that, since earlier generations did without it, we ‘moderns’/’postmoderns’ must therefore have progressed, that we are necessarily better off. Pernicious nonsense, Thoreau would say. We must show some discrimination in terms of what we choose to celebrate. If some new technology genuinely furthers our life goals and does not distract us from more important activities, then, by all means, we should take advantage of it. But Thoreau warned that all too often – in insidious ways – technology costs more than it comes to.
Two reasons that made Thoreau particularly suspicious of technology were (1) that we have to spend time working to earn money to afford technology, and he wonders whether we might oftener be better off without the technology and with more free time; and (2) that technology tends to distance us from the natural environment and can affect our life experiences for the worse. Both these points are masterfully illustrated in the following passage:
One says to me, “I wonder that you do not lay up money; you love to travel; you might take the cars and go to Fitchburg today and see the country.” But I am wiser than that. I have learned that the swiftest traveler is he that goes afoot. I say to my friend, Suppose we try who will get there first. The distance is thirty miles; the fare ninety cents. That is almost a day’s wages. I remember when wages were sixty cents a day for laborers on this very road. Well, I start now on foot, and get there before night; I have travelled at that rate by the week together. You will in the meanwhile have earned your fare, and arrive there some time tomorrow, or possibly this evening, if you are lucky enough to get a job in season. Instead of going to Fitchburg, you will be working here the greater part of the day. And so, if the railroad reached round the world, I think that I should keep ahead of you; and as for seeing the country and getting experience of that kind, I should have to cut your acquaintance altogether.[5]
Travelling by train might seem to be the most ‘efficient’ way to travel, but Thoreau challenges us to rethink how this new technology affects our experience and what are its full costs, comprehensively defined. And although Thoreau’s example here considers transportation only, the points he makes are generally applicable to all our decisions relating to technology.
To the objection that Thoreau is advocating an unsophisticated primitive existence, the appropriate response is twofold: first, that although he often damned technologies as debilitating luxuries he did not deny that they could also be enabling tools worthy of praise and exploitation; secondly, Thoreau suggested that just perhaps there is a sophistication and elegance to the clothesline, the bicycle, and the water tank, that the dryer, the automobile, and the desalination plant, decidedly lack. Conversely, perhaps there is a certain primitiveness to technological gimmicks. As Leonardo da Vinci once wrote: ‘Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.’
Thoureau's unsold works
Rain in the night and this morning, preparing for winter.
For a year or two past, my publisher, falsely so called, has been writing from time to time to ask what disposition should be made of the copies of “A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers” still on hand, and at last suggesting that he had use for the room they occupied in his cellar. So I had them all sent to me here, and they have arrived to-day by express, filling the man’s wagon, — 706 copies out of an edition of 1000 which I bought of Munroe four years ago and have been ever since paying for, and have not quite paid for yet. The wares are sent to me at last, and I have an opportunity to examine my purchase. They are something more substantial than fame, as my back knows, which has borne them up two flights of stairs to a place similar to that to which they trace their origin. Of the remaining two hundred and ninety and odd, seventy-five were given away, the rest sold. I have now a library of nearly nine hundred volumes, over seven hundred of which I wrote myself. Is it not well that the author should behold the fruits of his labor? My works are piled up on one side of my chamber half as high as my head, my opera omnia. This is authorship; these are the work of my brain. There was just one piece of good luck in the venture. The unbound were tied up by the printer four years ago in stout paper wrappers, and inscribed, —
H.D. Thoreau’s
Concord River
50 cops.
So Munroe had only to cross out “River” and write “Mass.” and deliver them to the expressman at once. I can see now what I write for, the result of my labors.
Nevertheless, in spite of this result, sitting beside the inert mass of my works, I take up my pen to-night to record what thought or experience I may have had, with as much satisfaction as ever. Indeed, I believe that this result is more inspiring and better for me than if a thousand had bought my wares. It affects my privacy less and leaves me freer.
Beautiful piece on life and success by Thoureau
From: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/07/12/thoreau-on-success/
If one listens to the faintest but constant suggestions of his genius, which are certainly true, he sees not to what extremes, or even insanity, it may lead him; and yet that way, as he grows more resolute and faithful, his road lies. The faintest assured objection which one healthy man feels will at length prevail over the arguments and customs of mankind. No man ever followed his genius till it misled him. Though the result were bodily weakness, yet perhaps no one can say that the consequences were to be regretted, for these were a life in conformity to higher principles. If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal — that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality. Perhaps the facts most astounding and most real are never communicated by man to man. The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.
I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
If one listens to the faintest but constant suggestions of his genius, which are certainly true, he sees not to what extremes, or even insanity, it may lead him; and yet that way, as he grows more resolute and faithful, his road lies. The faintest assured objection which one healthy man feels will at length prevail over the arguments and customs of mankind. No man ever followed his genius till it misled him. Though the result were bodily weakness, yet perhaps no one can say that the consequences were to be regretted, for these were a life in conformity to higher principles. If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal — that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality. Perhaps the facts most astounding and most real are never communicated by man to man. The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.
I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
Knowing how far you actually progressed and killing the old persona
You could sit and day dream that you have become a perfect human, or you could assess yourself realistically and see how far you have improved.
I had thought I had become quite calm...but situations showed me that I am still far from that goal.
So, when you assess yourself and know that you have more to go, what do you do?
Get depressed? No.. that was the old me.
The new me, acknowledges that there is work to be done and "I can do it".
So, a long way to go to achieve calmness, but I do acknowledge that I have made progress.
The calmer you are, the better decisions you take.. the more careful you are with words (you don't hurt others unintentionally, like I did yday)...the sweeter you can be.
Being centered and calm is essential.
So what I actually found is, while I am transforming and taking in a new set of beliefs, ideologies, way of thinking and perception - which will take a while to sink in and become a part of me, I have no way to erase what's done.
When I was very sensitive, and when I was the old me, a few things happened. They are etched in memory in a certain way. There are regrets, worries, anger and resentment, hopeless relations.. everything. Since these things happened when I was a different person, I had taken them in. I have bad memories. They are stored somewhere. They pop up without notice. They cause chaos. So, it's getting challenging to deal with that - unconscious memories. I am ensuring that today, no new memories - of any kind - happy or sad, get etched, but I have the old baggage to deal with. The fears, regrets, helplessness, injustice - all of it pops up and it makes you go mad.
I need to cut off or cause a death of the old persona. That is not me anymore. That baggage is to be disowned. It's not easy to do that. Maybe I need help. But, it's essential for the old self to die so that the new changes can be installed properly. You have to die and be reborn every moment. One who does that, has a different life. He has no memories. He views the world afresh with whatever lenses he wears then. Is this what the Tibetan book of the dead says?
There is a beautiful quote from the bible.
For if a man is in Christ he becomes a new person altogether; the past is finished and gone, everything has become fresh and new.
So get rid of your old self, which made you live as you used to, the old self that was being destroyed by its deceitful desires. Your hearts and minds must be made completely new. You must put on the new self, which is created in God's likeness and reveals itself in the true life that is upright and holy.
I had thought I had become quite calm...but situations showed me that I am still far from that goal.
So, when you assess yourself and know that you have more to go, what do you do?
Get depressed? No.. that was the old me.
The new me, acknowledges that there is work to be done and "I can do it".
So, a long way to go to achieve calmness, but I do acknowledge that I have made progress.
The calmer you are, the better decisions you take.. the more careful you are with words (you don't hurt others unintentionally, like I did yday)...the sweeter you can be.
Being centered and calm is essential.
So what I actually found is, while I am transforming and taking in a new set of beliefs, ideologies, way of thinking and perception - which will take a while to sink in and become a part of me, I have no way to erase what's done.
When I was very sensitive, and when I was the old me, a few things happened. They are etched in memory in a certain way. There are regrets, worries, anger and resentment, hopeless relations.. everything. Since these things happened when I was a different person, I had taken them in. I have bad memories. They are stored somewhere. They pop up without notice. They cause chaos. So, it's getting challenging to deal with that - unconscious memories. I am ensuring that today, no new memories - of any kind - happy or sad, get etched, but I have the old baggage to deal with. The fears, regrets, helplessness, injustice - all of it pops up and it makes you go mad.
I need to cut off or cause a death of the old persona. That is not me anymore. That baggage is to be disowned. It's not easy to do that. Maybe I need help. But, it's essential for the old self to die so that the new changes can be installed properly. You have to die and be reborn every moment. One who does that, has a different life. He has no memories. He views the world afresh with whatever lenses he wears then. Is this what the Tibetan book of the dead says?
There is a beautiful quote from the bible.
For if a man is in Christ he becomes a new person altogether; the past is finished and gone, everything has become fresh and new.
So get rid of your old self, which made you live as you used to, the old self that was being destroyed by its deceitful desires. Your hearts and minds must be made completely new. You must put on the new self, which is created in God's likeness and reveals itself in the true life that is upright and holy.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Maxwell's growth areas
Principles of Personal Growth:
Attitude
Character
Relationships
Goals
Priorities
Communication
Teamwork
Initiative
Thinking
Leadership
Mentoring
Faith
Discipline
Learning
Perseverance
Resourcefulness
Responsibility
Servanthood
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Robin Sharma
If your mind is full of worries, there is no space for creativity to show up, to show up game changing ideas that can be acted upon to achieve world class.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Purpose of education
Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his
uniqueness, to teach him how to develop that uniqueness, and then to
show him how to share it because that’s the only reason for having
anything.
From http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/05/19/leo-buscaglia-love-labels/
From http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/05/19/leo-buscaglia-love-labels/
Education from a child's angle
Leo Buscaglia's unique experience from his own childhood:
From http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/05/19/leo-buscaglia-love-labels/
From http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/05/19/leo-buscaglia-love-labels/
I was born in Los Angeles, and my parents were Italian immigrants. A big family. Mama and Papa were obviously great lovers! They came from a tiny village at the base of the Italian Swiss Alps where everyone knew everyone. Everyone knew the names of the dogs, and the village priest came out and danced in the streets at the fiestas and got as drunk as everybody else. It was the most beautiful scene in the world and a pleasure to be raised by these people in this old way. But when I was taken, at five, to a public school, tested by some very official-looking person, the next thing I knew I was in a class for the mentally retarded! It didn’t matter that I was able to speak Italian and an Italian dialect. I also spoke some French and Spanish — but I didn’t speak English too well and so I was mentally retarded. I think the term now is “culturally disadvantaged.” I was put into the class for the mentally retarded, and I never had a more exciting educational experience in my life! Talk about a warm, pulsating, loving teacher. Her name was Miss Hunt, and I’m sure she was the only one in the school who would teach those “dumb” kids. She was a great bulbous woman. She liked me even if I smelled of garlic. I remember when she used to come and lean over me, how I used to cuddle! I did all kinds of learning for this woman because I really loved her. Then one day I made a tremendous mistake. I wrote a newspaper as if I were a Roman. I described how the gladiators would perform and so on. The next thing I knew I was being retested and was transferred to a regular classroom after which I was bored for the rest of my educational career.
The animal school story
The animals got together in the forest one day and decided to start a
school. There was a rabbit, a bird, a squirrel, a fish and an eel, and
they formed a Board of Education. The rabbit insisted that running be in
the curriculum. The bird insisted that flying be in the curriculum. The
fish insisted that swimming be in the curriculum, and the squirrel
insisted that perpendicular tree climbing be in the curriculum. They put
all of these things together and wrote a Curriculum Guide. Then they
insisted that all of the animals take all of the
subjects. Although the rabbit was getting an A in running perpendicular
tree climbing was a real problem for him; he kept falling over
backwards. Pretty soon he got to be sort of brain damaged, and he
couldn’t run any more. He found that instead of making an A in running,
he was making a C and, of course, he always made an F in perpendicular
tree climbing. The bird was really beautiful at flying, but when it came
to burrowing in the ground, he couldn’t do so well. He kept breaking
his beak and wings. Pretty soon he was making a C in flying as well as
an F in burrowing, and he had a hellava time with perpendicular tree
climbing. The moral of the story is that the animal who was
valedictorian of the class was a mentally retarded eel who did
everything in a halfway fashion. But the educators were all happy
because everybody was taking all of the subjects, and it was called a
broad-based education.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Few more of Tagore
In our everyday
world we live in poverty; our resources have to be husbanded with care; our
strength becomes exhausted, and we [go] to our God as beggars [for] our joy
of life. On festival days, we display our wealth and say to Him that we are
even as He is; and we are afraid to spend. This is the day when we bring to
Him our own gift of joy. For we truly meet God, when we come to Him with our
offerings and not with our wants.
We are like a stray line of a poem, which ever feels that it rhythms with another line and must find it, or miss its own fulfilment. This quest of the unattained is the great impulse in man which brings forth all his best creations. Man seems deeply to be aware of a separation at the root of his being, he cries to be led across it to a union; and somehow he knows that it is love which can lead him to a love which is final.
We are like a stray line of a poem, which ever feels that it rhythms with another line and must find it, or miss its own fulfilment. This quest of the unattained is the great impulse in man which brings forth all his best creations. Man seems deeply to be aware of a separation at the root of his being, he cries to be led across it to a union; and somehow he knows that it is love which can lead him to a love which is final.
Good habits and new problems
Your
good habits help you in ordinary and familiar situations but may not
suffice to guide you when a new problem arises. Then discrimination is
necessary. Man is not an automaton, and therefore cannot always live
wisely by simply following set rules and rigid moral precepts. In the
great variety of daily problems and events, we find scope for the
development of good judgment.
Paramahansa Yogananda
How lovely. Just yesterday I posted about how I reacted quite angrily when faced with a new and unexpected situation and today I see this.
Paramahansa Yogananda
How lovely. Just yesterday I posted about how I reacted quite angrily when faced with a new and unexpected situation and today I see this.
Unpredictable outcomes
Extremely unpredictable outcomes; When we are run by our minds
The way it processes events - prioritizes, cooks up stories, combines
totally unrelated things, promises fancy futures, resurrects the dead
past, ignores the truly amazing moments, etc is - truly outstanding. You
maybe extremely capable Mr Mind, but thank you for your services. We're
all better off without you. A few neurons and 128 MB memory are enough
to experience life better...Reading Eckhart Tolle. Amazing. He makes self realization look like a piece of cake.
The mind is a strange thing and we don't seem to be in control of ourselves so many times. Last week I had a strange and difficult conversation with a certain A. I was asking A to talk to B and sort out some issue. A was stubborn and refused to do so. I was unable to understand what's the big deal.. why not just talk and sort out the issue. Somewhere along the conversation I lost my cool and shouted at A. It was totally uncalled for. I was surprised that I had lost my cool.
Nidhi had a baby the next day. Somehow my brain weighed this negative situation more important than that. I was not able to jump in joy...We were all so excited and anxious about Nidhi's baby.
So, why did the mind choose to stick to one situation than the other? It could have turned its attention to the happier of the 2 situations... I had no clue. It behaved so unpredictably. Also my cousin was getting engaged that day. It was only after I entered the hall and got lost among the people that I forgot this situation. I was definitely better equipped than before...I could see that. I freaked out less and was more in control. I was participating in other things as well.
So, it's surprising which events your mind gives importance to and decides to dwell on...There could be a lot of happiness happening around you but your mind chooses to dwell on so much negativity. That choice, sometimes, is not even yours. Maybe by being very aware, we could control the outcome most of the times.
I think I care a lot about people. So if I end up hurting someone or if there is a misunderstanding I get freaked out. I wouldn't be that freaked if I lost a million dollars. But, maybe for someone who loves money, losing a million dollars would be like losing their mind.
When we look at what kind of things the mind dwells on.. we can probably trace a pattern. People concerned with hurt and relations dwell there most of the times. This dwelling and this "time" allotted for such thinking, strengthens such thoughts more and make us more sticky to such things.
If we did not give much CPU time to such things, maybe it would be easy to handle these stuff. If some kinds of thoughts give us suffering, we should de-energize them or make them weak by giving them less CPU time. Earlier I used to do trivial stuff like making the Ciel Pur soap boxes whenever I was tense. I would do some trivial physical labour to drive away that sinking feeling. I think instead of viewing it as escapism we can consciously think that we're not giving CPU time for negative thoughts and emotions. We weaken them. Like a bad habit we need to weaken bad thoughts also.
I am reading a lot of books and articles on the mind. It is fascinating. From Is mind in the brain or everywhere in the body.. to subconscious. it's fascinating so far. The chitta, samskaras, skandhas, vasanas - how all of these affect one's constitution, emotions, behaviour patterns, etc. So, it does appear that we're not fully in control of ourselves and our personality. The karmic residues and previous births do have a say in who we are. So, let's accept and work around - starting with what we have, what we perceive as issues, realizing triggers, habits, etc.
The mind is a strange thing and we don't seem to be in control of ourselves so many times. Last week I had a strange and difficult conversation with a certain A. I was asking A to talk to B and sort out some issue. A was stubborn and refused to do so. I was unable to understand what's the big deal.. why not just talk and sort out the issue. Somewhere along the conversation I lost my cool and shouted at A. It was totally uncalled for. I was surprised that I had lost my cool.
Nidhi had a baby the next day. Somehow my brain weighed this negative situation more important than that. I was not able to jump in joy...We were all so excited and anxious about Nidhi's baby.
So, why did the mind choose to stick to one situation than the other? It could have turned its attention to the happier of the 2 situations... I had no clue. It behaved so unpredictably. Also my cousin was getting engaged that day. It was only after I entered the hall and got lost among the people that I forgot this situation. I was definitely better equipped than before...I could see that. I freaked out less and was more in control. I was participating in other things as well.
So, it's surprising which events your mind gives importance to and decides to dwell on...There could be a lot of happiness happening around you but your mind chooses to dwell on so much negativity. That choice, sometimes, is not even yours. Maybe by being very aware, we could control the outcome most of the times.
I think I care a lot about people. So if I end up hurting someone or if there is a misunderstanding I get freaked out. I wouldn't be that freaked if I lost a million dollars. But, maybe for someone who loves money, losing a million dollars would be like losing their mind.
When we look at what kind of things the mind dwells on.. we can probably trace a pattern. People concerned with hurt and relations dwell there most of the times. This dwelling and this "time" allotted for such thinking, strengthens such thoughts more and make us more sticky to such things.
If we did not give much CPU time to such things, maybe it would be easy to handle these stuff. If some kinds of thoughts give us suffering, we should de-energize them or make them weak by giving them less CPU time. Earlier I used to do trivial stuff like making the Ciel Pur soap boxes whenever I was tense. I would do some trivial physical labour to drive away that sinking feeling. I think instead of viewing it as escapism we can consciously think that we're not giving CPU time for negative thoughts and emotions. We weaken them. Like a bad habit we need to weaken bad thoughts also.
I am reading a lot of books and articles on the mind. It is fascinating. From Is mind in the brain or everywhere in the body.. to subconscious. it's fascinating so far. The chitta, samskaras, skandhas, vasanas - how all of these affect one's constitution, emotions, behaviour patterns, etc. So, it does appear that we're not fully in control of ourselves and our personality. The karmic residues and previous births do have a say in who we are. So, let's accept and work around - starting with what we have, what we perceive as issues, realizing triggers, habits, etc.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The gazelle wisdom
Humans should learn from gazelles. Why? According to Oxford psychologist Mark Williams:
"Because they run when they need to run, and graze when they need to graze," he says. By contrast, we humans tend to get caught up in our regrets, what ifs and what could've beens - behaviours that lead to living life in what he calls an "eternal worry loop." Instead, we should reset to zero, and live in the now. That is the essence of mindfulness.
"Because they run when they need to run, and graze when they need to graze," he says. By contrast, we humans tend to get caught up in our regrets, what ifs and what could've beens - behaviours that lead to living life in what he calls an "eternal worry loop." Instead, we should reset to zero, and live in the now. That is the essence of mindfulness.
Use what you have...
Whatever you do in your life, you can only do it with what you have.
You cannot do something with what you do not have. So whatever you have,
use that.- Sadhguru
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Aristotle and entelechy
Aristotle believed that everything on this planet possesses its own “entelechy” – or as he explained it, “having the ability to grow into one’s highest potential stored within it.”
Entelechy is a vital force that motivates and guides an organism toward its highest self-fulfillment.Consider the mighty oak tree. Its journey to mighty greatness begins with a small acorn seed. Of course, the seed has to go through certain changes and stages of development in order to reach its full potential. But the potential is a constant: to become an oak tree.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Effect of meditation
I have been contemplating on the changes that have happened over the last 2 years.
I have definitely become calm and contemplative.
Specially over the last few months, I have started having better self esteem.
I have started to accept myself, with my weaknesses.
I have realized that "I" is all that I have, to bring about any change.
If you don't work on the I, you can never bring about changes.
And any work starts with acceptance. You cannot start a work in denial.. with resistance, with hatred. Can we?
So, somewhere, I started accepting myself. I let go of most of the things that I call "failure". The term itself is extremely discouraging. Just because we color things as success and failure, we suffer so much. If we just look at everything as an experience - without labelling anything, life seems much better.
Also, staying in the now - is happening a lot. It has prevented over analysis and un-necessary thoughts from seeping in.
Another thing is, I have overcome few of my limitations and it has freed me. I roamed around in local buses, in very hot weather and I did not care much about the bodily discomforts and the less I cared, the more free I felt. It let me experience things without getting irritated.
So, overall it looks like good progress. Today, while meditating I was thinking - is this the work of meditation? All the changes seem to be happening kind of naturally. I am not doing anything very specific. I read a lot and think about these things and I have resumed my meditation and it feels like change automatically happens.
During my walk around Lodhi garden, I was made to realize how intelligent and intuitive nature is. Every tree knows how it has to grow - vertical or horizontal, how it prepares for maximum water or sunlight, when it has to bloom, when it sheds leaves, etc.
If a tree had that much intelligence, won't a human have much more?
I believe that every human has a lot of intelligence and intuition to do the right things.
The society in which we grow, our wrong beliefs and ideologies, the fear that is instilled in us, etc make us wretched and miserable. These pruning activities prevent us from blooming and what yoga or meditation probably does is, open up some channels. It puts holes in us for the universal, divine energy to seep in..so that our natural intelligence and intuition can take us forward. So, slowly, the changes happen. We're calmer, peaceful and then the rest continues.
So, I am glad I took up this journey. Maybe this kind of jolt was required.
To handle today's complex and fast paced world, we all need to work on ourselves.
So, though I might have fallen back on my career, I am glad with this new improved self.
I have definitely become calm and contemplative.
Specially over the last few months, I have started having better self esteem.
I have started to accept myself, with my weaknesses.
I have realized that "I" is all that I have, to bring about any change.
If you don't work on the I, you can never bring about changes.
And any work starts with acceptance. You cannot start a work in denial.. with resistance, with hatred. Can we?
So, somewhere, I started accepting myself. I let go of most of the things that I call "failure". The term itself is extremely discouraging. Just because we color things as success and failure, we suffer so much. If we just look at everything as an experience - without labelling anything, life seems much better.
Also, staying in the now - is happening a lot. It has prevented over analysis and un-necessary thoughts from seeping in.
Another thing is, I have overcome few of my limitations and it has freed me. I roamed around in local buses, in very hot weather and I did not care much about the bodily discomforts and the less I cared, the more free I felt. It let me experience things without getting irritated.
So, overall it looks like good progress. Today, while meditating I was thinking - is this the work of meditation? All the changes seem to be happening kind of naturally. I am not doing anything very specific. I read a lot and think about these things and I have resumed my meditation and it feels like change automatically happens.
During my walk around Lodhi garden, I was made to realize how intelligent and intuitive nature is. Every tree knows how it has to grow - vertical or horizontal, how it prepares for maximum water or sunlight, when it has to bloom, when it sheds leaves, etc.
If a tree had that much intelligence, won't a human have much more?
I believe that every human has a lot of intelligence and intuition to do the right things.
The society in which we grow, our wrong beliefs and ideologies, the fear that is instilled in us, etc make us wretched and miserable. These pruning activities prevent us from blooming and what yoga or meditation probably does is, open up some channels. It puts holes in us for the universal, divine energy to seep in..so that our natural intelligence and intuition can take us forward. So, slowly, the changes happen. We're calmer, peaceful and then the rest continues.
So, I am glad I took up this journey. Maybe this kind of jolt was required.
To handle today's complex and fast paced world, we all need to work on ourselves.
So, though I might have fallen back on my career, I am glad with this new improved self.
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