Relations sometimes are like a car and a journey. Sometimes sweet, fun.. sometimes hurtful and bitter.
Recently I was speaking to someone and she mentioned how X's careless and uncaring attitude affected her. I had also earlier been troubled by it - in fact extremely troubled by it. I used to feel sad how they behaved as a family and how each member moved in a different direction. I used to wonder how the child will grow up to be. I had never witnessed a motherly tenderness and care in X. Somehow, I had not seen a family or mother daughter duo, this impersonal and uncaring. The firsts are always lessons, right? I too used to go out of my way to care for that person. But later on I realized that the person is incapable of caring for others. It's just not there in her sense. It's not like she tries to neglect people, she doesn't know to care; doesn't know to be there for a friend in need; She remains in her own world or in a world of turmoil (which is self created and she doesn't understand). My efforts to help her, have gone waste. Now, in an effort to save myself, I have distanced myself from X. I cannot bear to see the irresponsible behaviour always. It makes me angry.
I want to avoid thinking of X as every thought seems upsetting. But, what I realized is, over that year or more, I have distanced myself quite a bit. The way the family works, no longer affects me that much. I hardly pay attention to them. I do not go overboard to do anything and I do not expect anything from them. They may feel that I am a horrible person or whatever. But, this is an attempt to keep myself sane. Sometimes I feel I should be more compassionate. People in trouble need compassion. But, somehow I can't be that compassionate. I have accepted it.
So, our relation has changed gears from 5th to 1. We meet rarely. We're cordial. I want to keep it this way. Our values, aspirations, etc are so wide apart and I cannot relate to such people. But, I need to reduce my negativity to X. I will definitely try to do that because everyone is different. X is made out that way and makes no effort to change. (Who am I to even ask her to change?)
So, I should learn to accept that she is good enough for herself - may not be for me. We're all good enough for ourselves. If someone doesn't accept us, we can inspect and if some change is needed we can try or we could remain the same. The choice is ours. I cannot enforce my ideas and my idea of living on someone. That, I should not do. Since this is the first time I am having such a relation maybe I was in for a shock and unprepared. The more such people I meet, the more prepared I am. For now, I want to remove any ill feelings towards X and continue a cordial relations. Going forward we should learn to be cordial even to our so called enemies. Lesson to learn.
Recently I was speaking to someone and she mentioned how X's careless and uncaring attitude affected her. I had also earlier been troubled by it - in fact extremely troubled by it. I used to feel sad how they behaved as a family and how each member moved in a different direction. I used to wonder how the child will grow up to be. I had never witnessed a motherly tenderness and care in X. Somehow, I had not seen a family or mother daughter duo, this impersonal and uncaring. The firsts are always lessons, right? I too used to go out of my way to care for that person. But later on I realized that the person is incapable of caring for others. It's just not there in her sense. It's not like she tries to neglect people, she doesn't know to care; doesn't know to be there for a friend in need; She remains in her own world or in a world of turmoil (which is self created and she doesn't understand). My efforts to help her, have gone waste. Now, in an effort to save myself, I have distanced myself from X. I cannot bear to see the irresponsible behaviour always. It makes me angry.
I want to avoid thinking of X as every thought seems upsetting. But, what I realized is, over that year or more, I have distanced myself quite a bit. The way the family works, no longer affects me that much. I hardly pay attention to them. I do not go overboard to do anything and I do not expect anything from them. They may feel that I am a horrible person or whatever. But, this is an attempt to keep myself sane. Sometimes I feel I should be more compassionate. People in trouble need compassion. But, somehow I can't be that compassionate. I have accepted it.
So, our relation has changed gears from 5th to 1. We meet rarely. We're cordial. I want to keep it this way. Our values, aspirations, etc are so wide apart and I cannot relate to such people. But, I need to reduce my negativity to X. I will definitely try to do that because everyone is different. X is made out that way and makes no effort to change. (Who am I to even ask her to change?)
So, I should learn to accept that she is good enough for herself - may not be for me. We're all good enough for ourselves. If someone doesn't accept us, we can inspect and if some change is needed we can try or we could remain the same. The choice is ours. I cannot enforce my ideas and my idea of living on someone. That, I should not do. Since this is the first time I am having such a relation maybe I was in for a shock and unprepared. The more such people I meet, the more prepared I am. For now, I want to remove any ill feelings towards X and continue a cordial relations. Going forward we should learn to be cordial even to our so called enemies. Lesson to learn.
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