When we stop appreciating certain qualities

What is happening in the world is, certain people are given priority, importance than others.
Certain jobs are more valued than others.
Certain qualities are more appreciated than others - let's say beauty, intelligence,

In today's world women are feeling the heat at corporates. More women are moving out of their jobs - citing excuses like lack of work-life balance and the need to parent their kids. I think 80% of this maybe false. What they're running away from, is probably being unappreciated for who they are.
For their sensitivity, for being honest, for their empathy, for the extra time they take to do a lot of research, for their lack of aggression or even for being contented where they are. Since no one appreciates these beautiful qualities, we don't feel proud to own them. We want to be like the men. We think we're inferior. We think we can never catch up. So, we quit. This is a long cycle which happens when the society refuses to acknowledge goodness and virtues and only looks at profitability and top line and bottom line. Many people will move out of these qualities and acquire more "business" like qualities so that they can survive and stay afloat.

It's a man's world out there. They set the rules. Every society (by society I mean a group of people - at families or work or outside) likes conformists. You have a bachelor who stays till 11 PM and that sets a certain tone for the workplace. You may end up feeling guilty for leaving the office at 10 PM! You may start feeling you're unproductive! With work times ever increasing, the amount of tasks ever increasing, the number of meetings you attend ever increasing - how do some people do it?
Honest answer - no. They don't. We women think men are smarter and technically better and can do a lot in a day. Yes, there is some truth to it - they're biologically blessed to handle such workplaces but they're not always honest. Many men, I have realized of late, come unprepared for meetings. They refuse to accept their mistakes and slip ups while women start crying the moment we make mistakes. No one even has to notice, we're giving ourselves away.

Men use their aggression and logical analysis to help them get through meetings they are thoroughly unprepared for, whereas we, who have done 20% but lack that aggression and logical analysis (to some extent) stay quiet. We're afraid to ask questions. We're afraid to make others feel bad. We're afraid of losing our reputation. We're afraid to challenge people. We ASSUME that everyone is superior or brilliant. We don't understand that it's a game they play and they do it so well that you don't realize it. All the while you chide yourself for not having done your homework. Where is the time to do the homework?

Again, we're sensitive. We take things to heart. But that is also what makes the world better. If the women stopped caring for men, the world would come collapsing. So, it's not right to be ashamed of one's sensitivity. We care about people. People matter to us. So we're sensitive. Men care abt name and money. They are sensitive to these things! You're sensitive to what you observe the most and what matters the most to you. So, let's accept our sensitivity while we correct any annoying side effects that it brings.

Another thing is - if we didn't do full justice to a job, we honestly tell it to our boss. Have you ever seen a guy do that? End of matter. Every one has good/ bad days. Productive/ unproductive days.
You don't have to feel bad for that.

I have realized that with the right amount of confidence, clarity and research coupled with a little aggression and "I know you're all bullshitting" attitude.. - all of which can be taught, we can bring more confident and successful women to the corporate world!

P.S: A week after this was written I heard this from Gretchen.
http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/03/story-i-love-to-see-virtue-rewarded/

How similar are we thinking!

Steve Jobs on the use of technology in education

http://larrycuban.wordpress.com/2011/10/10/steve-jobs-on-technology-and-school-reform/

Loved this!

Lovely take on money

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/05/13/how-to-worry-less-about-money/

The theme of money is so deep and pervasive in our lives. One’s relationship with money is lifelong, it colors one’s sense of identity, it shapes one’s attitude to other people, it connects and splits generations; money is the arena in which greed and generosity are played out, in which wisdom is exercised and folly committed. Freedom, desire, power, status, work, possession: these huge ideas that rule life are enacted, almost always, in and around money.

Four main questions :
why money is important to us,
how much money we need to achieve what’s important to us,
what the best way to acquire that money is,
and what our economic responsibilities to others are in the course of acquiring and using that money.

Our worries — when it comes to money — are about psychology as much as economics, the soul as much as the bank balance.

One thing that’s characteristic of a good relationship is this: you get more accurate at assigning responsibility. When things go wrong you can see how much is your fault and how much is the fault of the other person. 

What money brings is a certain level of spending power.

What you bring to this relationship includes imagination, values, emotions, attitudes, ambitious, fears, and memories. So the relationship is absolutely not just a matter of pure economic facts of how much you get and how much you spend.

Needs vs Wants:
“Do I need this”? is a way of asking: how important is this thing, how central is it to my becoming a good version of myself; what is it actually for in my life? This interrogation is designed to distinguish needs from mere wants. And that’s a good distinction to make.
But it is important to see that this is not the same as the “modest versus grand” distinction. Our needs are not always for the smaller, lesser, cheaper thing. The ultimate purpose of purchases, he argues, is to help us flourish.

The crucial developmental step in the economic lives of individuals and societies is their ability to cross from the pursuit of middle-order goods to higher-order goods. Sometimes we need to lessen our attachment to the middle needs like status and glamor in order to concentrate on higher things. This doesn’t take more money; it takes more independence of mind.

What we do with our lives is obviously central to who we are. What we expend our mental energy on, what we put our emotional resources into, where we deploy courage or daring or prudence or commitment: these are major parts of existence and are inevitably much connected with work and earning money. And we need these parts of existence in order to find proper application in activities that deserve our best efforts. We don’t’ want to reserve our central capacities for the margins and weekends of life.

Intrinsic worth isn not just what is good for me, but what is actually good, this is a public service as well. It’s not greedy to want to make quite a lot of money — if you want to make it as a reward for doing things that are genuinely good for other people.

Desire aims at pleasure. Whereas the achievement of a good life depends upon the good we create. And the opportunity to follow whatever desire one might happen to have is the enemy of the effort, concentration, devotion, patience and self-sacrifice that are necessary if we are to achieve worthwhile ends.

That's life

That's life..

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was in a laboratory with Dr. Boas and he was talking to me and a group of other people about religion, insisting that life must have a meaning, that man couldn’t live without that. Then he made a mass of jelly-like stuff of the most beautiful blue I had ever seen — and he seemed to be asking us all what to do with it. I remember thinking it was very beautiful but wondering helplessly what it was for. People came and went making absurd suggestions. Somehow Dr. Boas tried to carry them out — but always the people went away angry, or disappointed — and finally after we’d been up all night they had all disappeared and there were just the two of us. He looked at me and said, appealingly “Touch it.” I took some of the astonishingly blue beauty in my hand, and felt with a great thrill that it was living matter. I said “Why it’s life — and that’s enough” — and he looked so pleased that I had found the answer — and said yes “It’s life and that is wonder enough.”

Amazing woman Anais Nin

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/02/21/anais-nin-love-life-diaries-illustrated/

Predictive analysis through my new lens

Read
http://techcrunch.com/2014/02/26/workday-acquires-hr-predicitive-analytics-company-identified/
and
http://techcrunch.com/2013/10/01/senior-facebook-netflix-scientist-joins-identified-to-help-it-fix-professional-search-take-on-linkedin/.

and
the foll text sent by Addi.
http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=22&chid=68517&w=&s=Text

Musings...
Life is full of surprises. If it hasn't been for you, you better wake up.

Predictive analytics human resources software...wah fancy long term.

The data architecture at XXX company enables machines to more quickly draw inferences about YOU AND ME based on context, natural language and a host of other signals.

So, essentially while I go figure out what the heck this LIFE thing is, which I am so unable to predict, a machine can quite accurately predict me and my choices.
So much for Darwin's theory of evolution. If I am so predictable am I evolving?

So can we say "the society works doubly hard to create perfectly predictable creatures while everything around tries to keep it as a bag full of surprise"?.

If I cannot figure out life but a machine that I created can figure out me, who's smarter? How is it possible that I can create a burger that is liked and eaten by billions of people? Are we that SIMILAR? If things are this predictable....We're not questioning...We're conforming - out of fear, out of conditioning....out of fear of losing name, fame, money...That doesn't make me feel intelligent or proud... Why on earth should my phone be smart? I should be smarter than it right? Instead of making machines smarter, I'm all for making people smarter...less in conflict with themselves...or the society..and in general happier. Sigh....

There is this Cafe Bistro Claytopia here. There some children had made 100 odd butterflies. Each one was sooo unique reflecting the child's uniqueness... Was wondering, how come we all end up liking the same McD burger? Prasoon Joshi was telling, when there was no cartoons, when you tell children a chudail ka story, everyone would imagine a different chudail! One would imagine a chudail which is very tall.. one would imagine a chudail which is one eyed.. one would imagine a ghostly chudail and so on.. We created fertile imaginary grounds in the children....to creatively explore things.. But now, with Doremon and Tom and Jerry playing always, all of them get beaten up to think of only 1 type of chudail.. 

Wonderful link about pursuing your passion

http://livelearnevolve.com/dont-settle-5-tips-on-pursuing-your-passion/

Why We’re A Generation Of Revolutionaries

http://elitedaily.com/life/why-were-a-generation-of-revolutionaries/

Excerpts:
All the protests were about young people coming together for change that hadn’t been assumed possible for hundreds of years.
Yet, they were part of a chain reaction of something larger, something bigger than the Internet (social media).

What about our generation is so prone to revolution? Many say it’s social media, the presence of the interconnectedness and the ability to share our thoughts with millions.

In an age when retirement and 401ks are distant dreams, Millennials have been forced into the unfortunate plight of being overeducated and underemployed. We’re a generation forced to sit around, thinking about our rights, the ideals of Plato and Aristotle, that introduction to Marxism and the Russian Empire 201 class, and everything else we’ve spent thousands of dollars to think about, as entry-level positions become fewer and further between.

We’ve been unemployed for awhile. In a time when it seems like every corner of the world is going broke (except Qatar and Switzerland), masses of young people have been forced out of jobs like never before. Coming out of college, we’ve been pushed into the world brimming with knowledge and energy, ready to take on life. Yet, we’ve found ourselves with nowhere to go and nothing to put our newfound knowledge towards.

We’ve been inundated with history, math, science, religion and philosophy, yet have nothing to do with the information but to see the unjust, the flaws, in our own world. We’ve been allowed the time to analyze the old establishments and regimes and become obsessed with the idea of changing them. We’ve realized that our parents were weak and we have the tools and the ability to amass thousands under a cause.

We saw other, better, ways of living and founded new hope on what could be. We graduated from school, took the time to look around the world, and we saw that it needed changing.

Really good read. Zen Habits...

http://zenhabits.net/38/

Accepting yourself

I am visibly in turmoil. I feel like I should have done a lot of things but have failed. I feel I have let myself down by not being strong when I had to be. A thousand thoughts toss me up like a salad.. very unpleasant thoughts.. thoughts of how to reconstruct a new life.. in the mid 30s.. thoughts of how to improve myself to fit into this fast paced, talent-myth struck world..extremely competitive world..judgemental people.. How to improve.. what courses to take...what skillset to acquire..there is turmoil inside.

But despite all my spiritual leanings, I have not accepted the present. The present and "I" are what I have. I could sit and daydream about becoming Steve Jobs.. but that is just a dream. "I" - in all my flesh.. with all my qwirkiness, my strange habits.. my weaknesses.. my strengths.. that "I" is all I have. I better accept the "I" I have become.. in order to make a better "I". Everytime I read spritual books I become calm.. I feel peaceful and sorted. But the moment I stop reading, I become chaotic. The whole world affects me. I sink into a depression.

Today, I read abt Kobun - Steve Job's Zen mentor. He said something that is so appropriate for the moment, for me:

"We sit to make life meaningful. The significance of our life is not experienced in striving to create some perfect thing. We must simply start with accepting ourselves. Sitting brings us back to actually who and where we are. This can be very painful. Self-acceptance is the hardest thing to do. If we can’t accept ourselves, we are living in ignorance, this darkest night. We may still be awake, but we don’t know where we are. We cannot see. The mind has no light. Practice is this candle in our very darkest room."

Curiosity and choice - and how you allocate your time determines your life

"Ideas cause ideas and help evolve new ideas. They interact with each other and with other mental forces in the same brain, in neighboring brains, and thanks to global communication, in far distant, foreign brains.”

From http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2011/08/01/networked-knowledge-combinatorial-creativity/#curiosity

Ideas have retained some of the properties of organisms. Like them, they tend to perpetuate their structure and to breed; they too can fuse, recombine, segregate their content.” ~ Jacques Monod

Information===> Insight ====> Idea.

Jim Coudal, one of my big creative and curatorial heroes, once said:

Our number one value isn’t in any of the skills we have. It’s that we’re essentially curious.”

But curiosity without direction can be a taxing and ultimately unproductive endeavor. Choice is how we tame and channel and direct our curiosity, where we choose to allocate our time and energy, and ultimately, what we choose to pay attention to.

"Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy.”

 

Innovation is the sum of a sequence of events

LEGO, Facebook and Innovation.
https://medium.com/architecting-a-life/ca34558752cf

How to be rich like Bill Gates and the talent myth

http://philip.greenspun.com/bg/

http://gladwell.com/the-talent-myth/

Addictions

Some addictions are due to trends.. to appear hip.
Others are mostly to silence the mind.
For quite a while I have been experiencing this.
A mind which is so discontent. It was discontent I was working. It's even more discontent when I am not working. I seem to have some strange ideals and beliefs and expectations from life.
In fact, I have no clue what's in my mind.

I seem to have lost the ability to stay happy. I just don't know how to be happy.
I am reading, but I am still not happy.
I need to totally clear my mind and start afresh with a fresh set of ideals and beliefs.
Most days I wonder how I have survived some serious addiction. For all that I have experienced
I should either be a serious drunkard or drug addict by now.

For having survived this.. just this one thing - a mind which is always at war, I should pat myself and congratulate myself.

Not focussing on results alone

Today, while chewing on a few other things, this struck me.

What is success? How do we all define success? How do we measure success?


Golden words from Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield:

If you view crossing the finish line as the measure of your life, you’re setting yourself up for a personal disaster. … Commanding a spaceship or doing a spacewalk is a very rare, singular moment-in-time event in the continuum of life. You need to honor the highs and the peaks in the moments — you need to prepare your life for them — but recognize the fact that the preparation for those moments is your life and, in fact, that’s the richness of your life. … The challenge that we set for each other, and the way that we shape ourselves to rise to that challenge, is life.

The gita says enjoy your work. Give your best. Don't focus on the results.
But your western Industrialized world says "Productivity and end result are what matter".

I can see a lot of people around me, who don't necessarily feel succesful, including me.
This brings me to a serious question. Why do some of us feel let down or less successful?

I think it's probably we're so result oriented. It's happened to me so many times that despite careful planning and execution and care, my dishes have turned out bad. For something as simple as a 2 hour job - things go awry. Imagine year long projects with so many people working and so many unknown things! We're all so focused on the end result that all the effort and progress we did, as part of the project. The actual progress happens during the one year. Only the appreciation and felicitation or brickbats come at the end. Since we've all given so much important only to the end, we completely forget how we've progressed and what we've learnt.

I for one, have very coolly neglected all the things I've changed within myself to go from step 1 to 2. The issues I have resolved, the habits I have changed, the things I've learnt, my handling of fears, etc. These are the successes. Since I've also relied so much on the end result, which, in my case, somehow has been quite bad - I have felt let down and felt like a failure. I fail to see how much I have progressed. I fail to see the amazing things I've learnt. I've failed to see how well I have got over some of my fears. I failed to see how better I have become at communicating, how crisp my talks have become and how I don't deviate from the topic at hand... how I ask all the right questions. I failed to look at how efficiently I have setup things at home..how much of cooking knowledge I have picked up...All the time I've just looked at the not so great results and failed to realize the progress.
This is what's happening with most people. As long as we see only the results, 99% of the world is bound to remain unhappy. A very sad, but predictable state given our obsession with results, productivity and statistics.

Blossoming

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

― Anaïs Nin

Falling in love with Robots

After researching a bit for malleable minds, I read this and now I am more frightened.
When such things become a reality, we'll create a new set of problems.. and then some enterprising people will find solutions for it.

So, the world will go on, this way. Wanting change, adapting to change, creating new problems, finding solutions, adapting to the solutions which create another set of problems....the world goes on in this way..Can we solve existing problems without creating new ones?

 
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201402/are-two-actual-people-still-required-relationship?tr=MostViewed

The malleable mind - thoughts

The mind is so malleable. Impressionable. Pliable. It's softer than playdough.
It's more imprintable than sand in the beach. It's flexible. And it's untrue that only the teens are at an impressionable age. We're always at an impressionable age. At any point our minds are ready to take in impressions.

The beliefs, ideologies, aspirations, goals, conflicts, morality - how do we settle into these and become these?
How do they affect our behaviour, our career, our relationship, our choices?
What we call as character, identity, personality, mind, mine - are all the same thing. A mashup of what we see, read, hear and do.
How do we deal with old beliefs that have over-served their purpose and destroy the last traces of such old beliefs and stereotypes?  How long does a conditioning or stereotype survive in us? Do they ever die? How do these memories and thoughts and sterotypes and conditioning enter us in the first place? Whatever has gone in, starts acting like a virus. It corrupts you somehow. It plays on your behaviour, your choices and once it is in, I am no longer in full control. I need to safeguard my mind, like the Royal bank vault, rather much more safer than that. I ought to ruthlessly filter out every information that comes in, for, every piece, has the potential to wreck me, to render me helpless, to cause chaos and conflict within, thereby preventing me from being what I am.. preventing me from seeing and using my full potential...preventing me from seeing the beauty that actually is there.. and forcing me to enter endless wars with myself about who I am and who I wish I was. These chattery, never ending thoughts render me helpless. They freeze me. They hold me hostage. I am no longer free. There is no longer a free will. There is no longer will power. There is no longer any peace within. I lose my freedom and potential and peace - to these thoughts.

Are we deterministic and predictable despite all the differences unique to us?


How is it that corporations are able to produce products that entice millions of people? How do you manage to convince a billion people to buy your product, no matter what the price point is?

Can someone carefully plan a slow, meticulous propaganda mechanism and influence me and mould me, in deceptive ways to bring me to a state where I am convinced of the need to buy a certain service or product? If all the companies hired cognitive neuroscientists who know in-depth about the mind, the pattern of learning, the thought pattern, etc can we ever hope for an escape?

If we are each unique, what is the herd mentality? How do we let society and trends influence and convince us?

How does any media - newspaper, TV, internet, people around us - shape and influence us?
If man is left alone without any media, how would he grow?


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/malleable-mind/201204/our-malleable-minds

Mindsets

Since yday I was thinking about our mindsets. I could somehow categorize people into 2 big buckets. The capitalist mindset and the socialist mindset. I could find a lot of qualities that could be markedly present in one of these mindsets...while researching I remembered the growth Vs fixed mindset diagram that I had recently come across.

I also read http://www.sharpinnovationsolutions.ca/blog/?p=78 and http://mindsetonline.com/changeyourmindset/firststeps/index.html.

It kind of made a lot of sense and my models of capitalistic Vs socialistic mindsets also come off pretty much similar - in the sense they are exact opposites, yielding exactly opposite kind of people.

From http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/1400062756/sr=8-1/qid=1158604938/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-1809568-4984946?ie=UTF8&s=books

Napoleon Hill, in Think and Grow Rich, stressed the importance of a positive mental attitude. Normal Vincent Peale, in The Power of a Positive Mental Attitude, stressed the importance of a positive mental attitude.

Dweck picks up where both of these very famous works fell short. Both Hill and Peale understood the importance of a positive mental attitude. But Dweck shows us how we develop fixed mindset attitudes in many areas of our lives and the damage our attitude inflicts on us and on those we interact with. Instead of dwelling on positive or negative attitude, Dweck used the term fixed mindset and growth mindset.

This book by Carol Dweck demonstrates, on the basis of good research, that what people think about their own intelligence has far-reaching consequences. Dweck shows that people with a so-called FIXED MINDSET, who see intelligence as unchangeable, develop a tendency to focus on proving that they have that characteristic instead of focusing on the process of learning. They tend to avoid difficult challenges because failing on these could cause them to lose their intelligent appearance. This disregard of challenge and learning hinders them in the development of their learning and in their performance. So it actually hinders them in developing their knowledge, skills and abilities.

However, when people view intelligence as a potential that can be developed, this is called the GROWTH MINDSET, this leads to the tendency to put effort into learning and performing and into developing strategies that enhance learning and long term accomplishments. An implication is that it pays off to help children and students invest in a view of intelligence as something that can be developed. Carol Dweck does not deny that people differ in their natural abilities but she stresses that it is continued effort which makes abilities blossom. Children who have learned to develop a growth mindset know that effort is the main key to creating knowledge and skills.

Doing what you love

Again a collection of amazing posts by Maria. I had started with Dr Kelly's do you matter and then my conversation with an aspiring writer friend led me to dig up Maria's old topics.. and every time you read it, it just hits you.

So, this is a collection of things for those who wish to follow their passions..A collection that will help you get past the initial hitches.. the fear of failure...and make you believe in your passions.

http://drkellyflanagan.com/2013/11/20/do-you-matter/
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/29/ira-glass-success-daniel-sax/
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/12/14/how-to-avoid-work/
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/10/10/if-money-were-no-object-alan-watts/
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/05/15/debbie-millman-look-both-ways-fail-safe/

If there was no media, no corporation...

I've always wondered about a few things. What would happen if we stopped buying things? After reading Noam CHomsky's http://www.chomsky.info/articles/199710--.htm, I am further demoralized.

We kind of know what happened after the 2009 recession? A few people's mistakes and many million lives were shaken irreversibly.

I wonder how do jobless, money-less people survive?
I can't imagine!

But then, what happened to the world's money? If 1000 notes were printed, 1000 need to remain still right? Where is all the money? Earlier it was in 900 hands and now it's in probably 10 hands.

It's probably a very deep question as to how things revive. Who creates new jobs to reduce joblessness?

I really want to track money movement. How does the printed money circulate?
When there is a recession where does all that money vanish?

When there are no buyers, how do you sell?

Let's say, all the women realize that they are naturally beautiful and stop using cosmetics and makeup. How many companies will vanish?

Suppose we all stopped reading news or watching news - what would we be discussing when we meet others? Today's water cooler talks are coming from newspaper mostly. If not, what would be talk? What would we do with the free time? If all of us had nothing to communicate, nothing to do except our own personal work...how would life be? We'd have no movies to watch, no celebrities to gossip about.. no sports to discuss.. what would we do? Maybe we'd find something to involve ourself with.. Playing cricket by ourself is far more enjoyable than seeing someone else play, right?

I wonder, how life would be! We may turn inwards and find our passions irrespective of media trends.. We will not be influenced by the media anymore..

I don't know. But that's a nice case to imagine.

Liking and doing

I think we could look at the things we do, in 4 quadrants.
Like, don't like.
Can, Can't.

There are things we like to do and we can do.

There are things we like to do but we can't do due to some reason (financial or time or health, whatever).

There are the things we don't like, but we can still go ahead and do it because we need to do it. For many people their day jobs fit into this category.
Then there are the things that we don't like and no matter what, we can't get it done.



 

Doing something that is hard

What do we all do when faced with things that are hard?
For 99.9% people - the only way is escapism. We escape from the problem.

I have been escaping from certain things - my dispassion for computers and algorithms.
So, I was thinking - there were so many colleagues who did not like their job, yet they did it to feed the family. That purpose can them energy. They had to work whether they liked it or not.
We are a new generation where we harp on passions and finding meaningful work. Look throughout history and you find people willing to do any job just to feed themselves and their family.
So, how do they go about doing such a job? Sure they do feel resentful at times (or most of the times) but the fear of losing that job and the fact that this job pays the bills, gets them going.

Many people don't have the luxury to follow their passions. They are forced to work.
Why is it difficult for me? How can I support myself with such ideologies?
Have I taken my job lightly just because I have a working spouse who supports me?
Probably yes. Unknowingly, I have let that make me complacent.
If I was single and I had to earn to pay my bills, I'd be forced to stick to a job. My ego would be thrown out of the window. I personally know a guy who should have quit long back but still continues with a job where he's not needed to be. I wonder if his ego doesn't hurt him. He is the inly earning person and he has a huge loan to pay. That makes him continue work. I was far better than him atleast. My work was more visible and I was less complacent than him about work.

So, that brings me back.. sometimes we need to do things whether we like them or not.
How can I bring myself to do that?
a) I will pick something that I do not like to do and spend sometime every day or every week doing that.
b) I will pick a difficult to handle person and instead of running away from them, I try to interact more with them and try to understand their perspective.

So, I am going to add these two to my yearly goals!
Sometimes you have to stop the constant chattering of the brain and just get down and do the work.

Are we totally in control of our lives all the time?

Today, I suddenly felt that some of my capabilities have been taken away from me. My courage doesn't stand in good stead all the days. My hard working nature also seems to have gotten tossed a bit. I don't like to take much risks now. So much of what I was, in my 20s seems to have changed and I refuse to believe that it's a part of ageing. It looks like someone has taken these from me and put me in difficult situations so that I evolve.

I have no clue about many things. The future looks uncertain. But, when I meet this person who's been puppeteering me, I have a couple of questions to ask. Why did he put me in such situations? What lesson did he want me to learn? Did I end up learning the lesson or continued without learning?
Dear divine.. you're in trouble when you meet me. I'm going to bombard you with questions like Arnab Goswami!

Beliefs

People believe in many things...in slogans..in love.. in different ideologies.. even cigarettes!
I am right now a little immersed in spiritual reading. Every thing I read, which wows me, is probably changing me, bit by bit.

The Vedantas state that we are all one consciousness - Aham brahmasmi. Do I know that we are?
No.
Do I know that karma exists?
No.
Do I know that reincarnation exists?
No.

But, I choose to believe in these. I choose to believe that we are all one super consciousness.
I choose to believe Rumi when he says that all of us have this urge to merge back with the divine.
A few years ago, I would have rubbished these. Today, all of this appeals to me. I think I have undergone some shift inside, which is why I believe in these things. I am not sure that I am solely responsible for this change. I feel someone is working on me like a puppeteer. I am just a puppet.


Some other time, I would have dismissed karma and the divine. But now, today, I totally believe in it.
It has helped me find peace. It has helped me calm down and aspire for it. So, as long as these beliefs are making me a peaceful and mature person, I don't mind believing in these things.

A 1.5 in history

Well.. we were discussing children at home and my husband mentioned about an incident which affected him quite a bit in school. One of his classmates scored a 1.5 out of 100 in history. My husband himself was a poor reader and scored some 60 or 70. He was shocked at how low someone could score. He was trying to decipher what was wrong.
Either the student had no interest in studies or reading in general.
Maybe he was frightened that he could not study or frightened that he was lagging behind.


Given any of these cases, what helps? Maybe delivering the subject in an easy manner, helps. Maybe we could strengthen the boy's nature so that he gets rid of his fear for studies or fear of lagging behind. How many schools, atleast during our times, would do that? How many parents, would do that?

I know a lot of people who hate studying, who hate preparing for exams. I have no clue what kind of torture they go through in school. Their mind could be in arts or music or sports. I don't know how they would have dreaded each day, each class. We go through almost 21 or more years of education and it would be such a pity going through classes with fear and anxiety instead of joy and curiosity. 

When I saw a Waldorf lecture where a teacher spoke about a poor reader, I was astonished. This particular guy had no interest in reading, while his whole class read a lot. Suddenly in 7th grade or so, he looked around, found everyone around him reading and he started growing a desire to read and his life changed a lot. When you have an empathising teacher around - who instead of frightening you, empathises with you and helps you to overcome your own deficiency, that - is heaven... Most of us never had that fortune!

Wonderful write up on stay at home moms

http://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog/116/A-Husband-s-Amazing-Response-To-She-s-A-Stay-At-Home-Mom-What-Does-She-DO-All-Day-

Best parts:
The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?

A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I've had many jobs; it's nothing spectacular or mystical. I don't quite understand why we've elevated "the workforce" to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn't liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually.

People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I'm not looking to get into a fight about who is "busier." We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we've idolized "being busy," and confused it with being "important." You can be busy but unimportant, just as you can be important but not busy.

Beauty, grace and ageing

I was looking at a 50 year old lady and wondering, why are we so obsessed with ageing? Yes, the more things you try, the more tanned and rugged your exterior will look but you'd have gained an enormous level of experience trying those things which cannot be got by sitting at home and staying pretty. Right?

Why is it that we give so much importance to this face? That's a price models and actors need to pay, for choosing that profession. As normal people, we should have the courage to break free. Instead of endlessly trying to work on our skin problems we should just focus our attention to trying new things - trek, swim, run...whatever.. these experiences will make us stronger inside...and empathetic.. more human.. What's with a beautiful face yaar? Let your guy run behind the next beautiful woman. Ditch him.. You run the marathon. What say?

We should be proud of our wrinkles and aged skin once we're a certain age. Else, we'd end up like Sridevi - who probably has done so many treatments god knows and wears clothes that are suitable for her daughters.. There is beauty and there is grace and beauty can never match grace.We may not be able to become beautiful overnight but grace is something that can be acquired and believe me, there is nothing like being a graceful woman. Time and tide cannot fade your grace and grace eventually brings more people close to you than physical beauty ever can. So, here's too all the talented, adventurous, courageous women out there...Happy Valentine's day!

P.S: Just like a divine "like" I happened to meet an 84 year old lady and her daughter on the road. For some strange reason they found me amiable and started talking to me. The daughter told me "Oh! You're so beautiful.. and I can feel a positive energy being around you" and I was like.. WOW.. Grace works.. I think when we become calm from inside and clear and filled with joy and love..it shows up on our face. Thank God! I got my affirmation regarding grace.

Romancing the divine

The greatest romance is with the Infinite. You have no idea how beautiful life can be. When you suddenly find God everywhere, when He comes and talks to you and guides you, the romance of divine love has begun.

This is what I want to experience. I want to see God everywhere. I want the divine guidance so that I can achieve my potential. I want to raise to a total new level of energy where I function with enthusiasm all day and never get tired....I hope one day I will achieve these... and hopefully that should not take many reincarnations. Is it possible in this birth?

Anthroposophic medicine

The meaning of illness

Susan R. Johnson MD, FAAP, 8/1/2000

In Anthroposophical medicine our Spirit (our higher-self) is always healthy. It is our Soul that first becomes ill. If we do not pay attention to our Soul, then we start to lose our vitality (our etheric body becomes weak) and then our physical body becomes ill. Dr. Philip Incao, an Anthroposophical physician who practices in Denver, Colorado, spoke this Summer at the Artemesia Conference held at Rudolf Steiner College. He described a picture of health and illness that comes from a Dutch Anthroposophical physician.

Imagine health as a beautiful sunny day with a brillant blue sky and no clouds in sight. The earth is covered by a layer of green fields, plants, and trees springing up from a firm ground composed of minerals. The sun is our Spirit, the sky is our soul, the green living layer is our vitality (etheric body), and the mineralized earth is our physical body. We come to this earth with the purpose of purifying our soul. There are always clouds that form in our soul. Those issues in life (our needs, wants, and desires) that we are trying to work through and transform. At any given time, if our Spirit is strong enough, then like the sun we can often dissolve the clouds that come our way. Sometimes too many clouds form at the same time or a cloud grows too quickly and becomes too large, obscuring the sun's light. If we don't pay attention to the messages from our soul, the clouds can grow and merge into a huge thunderstorm and eventually pour down to earth as rain. After the rain, the sky will become clear again, but all the rain may have flooded the earth. If our etheric body is not strong enough to withstand the rain storm, then our physical body can become ill. Hereditary factors, destiny, and karma can all affect the physical body we have in this life, but there are things we can do to strengthen our etheric body to help us resist becoming ill during these rainstorms of our soul life.

The etheric body is formed during the first 7 years of our life. Routines and daily rhythms (especially around mealtimes, bedtimes, morning times, and holiday celebrations) all strengthen the etheric. Adequate sleep (usually around 11 hours for young children and teenagers), adequate clothing (so hands and feet stay warm), proper nutrition (that follows the cycle of our liver consuming fats and proteins before 3 pm, eating a hearty breakfast and hearty lunch with nutritious snacks and followed by a light dinner) all help our organs grow in a healthy way and strengthen our immune system. Minimizing the stressors in our culture (television, videos, computers, caffeine, sleep deprivation, prolonged car rides, and always hurrying from one place to another) can strengthen our etheric body. These stressors overstimulate our nervous systems and cause us all to release stress hormones that weaken our immune system and our vitality.

Nature is one of the greatest healers. Taking a long walk through a park lined with trees, in a quiet forest, or by water nourishes us. When my spirit and vitality needs strengthening, I hike in the mountains and sit under a redwood tree by a small flowing stream. When my soul feels in torment and too many thoughts and worries are flooding my consciousness, then I sit by a rushing waterfall or walk along the ocean and listen to the crashing waves. Finally, one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and our children is to "SLOW DOWN" and remember that "less is often the best"

Thirty Is Not The New Twenty: Why Your 20s Matter

http://bigthink.com/experts-corner/is-twenty-something-the-defining-decade

Most people don't spend their 20's doing their dream job, especially in a recession. The important thing is to find work that's in a field you're interested in, even if it's at the very fringes of the field, and to work on building "identity capital." Take a job that's interesting and unique and helps you build your identity, even if it pays less than a job that bores you, advises Jay.
When you're writing your cover letter, is your enthusiasm for the job you're applying for real? If not, don't apply for it. Instead, concentrate your efforts on searching and networking until you come across an opportunity that does.
Even the most inexperienced people have power in their drive. Be willing to learn, but don't forget that you know a lot, too, and you have a lot to offer, including limitless enthusiasm. "Bring that to work every day, and you'll inspire the people around you," advises Glocer.

Rollins's advice to young people is to work hard, but he also says it is as important to have a strong moral compass.  He describes this as the ultimate motivator for himself and for young people today: "When you look at what real desperation and ignorance looks like, when you have to run from it, like, literally run from it, you don’t want to be that.  You want to be that which leads others out of that."


Excerpts:
Once you're in your 30's or 40's, it gets harder and harder to reinvent yourself.
80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35.
2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career.
Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.
There are 50 million 20somethings in the United States most of whom are living with a staggering, unprecedented amount of uncertainty. 
They don't know when they'll be happy or when they will be able to pay their bills.
Most simply, they don't know whether their lives will work out and they don't know what to do. 
"The unlived life isn't worth examining."
Too many 20somethings have been led to believe that their 20s are for thinking about what they want to do and their 30s are for getting going on real life.
Young adults who spent too much time in "disengaged confusion" were "in danger of becoming irrelevant."
The 20s are your best chance to experiment with jobs and relationships. 
"If you keep living your life exactly as it is, where will you be in 3 years?" If you don't like the answer, now is the time to change course.
Most 20somethings hate the idea of asking outsiders for favors, but those who won't do this fall behind those who will. 
Don't let culture trivialize your life and work and relationships. 
Use your rational mind to counter the anxious and catastrophic thoughts you have: "I probably won't be fired because I dropped one phone call."
Try to create your own certainty by making healthy choices and commitments that off-set the upheaval in the world around.
Research shows that getting going in the work world is the beginning of feeling happier, more confident, competent, and emotionally stable in adulthood.
The real take-home message about the still-developing 20something brain is that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the easiest time to change it. Is your 20something job, or hobby, making you smarter?  Are your 20something relationships improving your personality or are they reinforcing old patterns and teaching bad habits?

What you do everyday is wiring you to be the adult you will be. That's one reason I love working with 20somethings: They are so darn easy to help because they--and their brains and their lives--can change so quickly and so profoundly.

 

 

Problems and escapism

Many of us are in situations that we can't handle. We just want to escape. We don't have the maturity or knowledge or energy to solve the problem and we choose to escape. Many a times by escaping we just move from one problem to another. We imagine the new place to be a heaven, but later realize that it's just a new problem we created for ourself thinking that it will be easier to handle this problem than the old one. It's like moving from one house to another because your old house did not have proper sun. Without inspecting the new house, you moved in and hope that it gets enough sun. 

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

 
Problems cannot be destroyed. They can only be created (by a super-efficient machine called the human mind).
All problems assigned to you need to be solved (i.e no escaping).
Unsolved problems transform from one form to another and grow in complexity.
A problem can have multiple correct solutions.
All solutions need to terminate but they can be sub-optimal.
On successful completion of a problem you're rewarded with wisdom and one more problem to solve.
All problems in your queue get flushed once you lose your sanity or attain self-realization.

I was reading The Map: Finding the Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life:
It pretty much stated the same thing. You need to know where you're stuck, do a ruthless analysis, get all the help you can and come out of the problem - stronger. Unless you solve the problem your life will go in circles. I think the Law of Karma also means the same. We want to iron out all our problems allotted to us in this incarnation. If we have a lot of problems to solve you have to take a couple of reincarnations to solve all them, but ensure that while solving you do not create more problems for yourself which will ensure that your problems bucket is never empty. Once it's empty and you attain self realization. Every lifetime, they say, is allotted to you, to help you realize some issue and solve it and become a better person. The more close you are to godliness, the more close you are to self-realization and breaking free of this cycle of birth and death. Makes sense, doesn't it? 

Jealousy Vs Admiration

Sometime back I had this huge doubt..sometimes we're jealous of someone, but sometimes we admire people. If you look - the quality which causes jealousy and admiration could be the same.
Let's say, you admire Katrina Kaif's beauty but if you're friend or relative is beautiful you become jealous. You admire Shreya Ghoshal but if your colleague sings well you're jealous. Why?

Some things I noticed are:
Jealousy arises when you see a certain quality in a competitor.. in someone whom you consider as competition. You may not necessarily hate your competitor but since you're running the same race, you feel threatened and insecure by that person having that quality, which you have already labelled as superior or good to have quality.
Jealousy could also arise if you see a certain quality that you like, housed in a person you do not like. You don't like the person at all and hence you feel jealous that they are beautiful or smart. Whereas if you see Bill Gates, you don't feel jealous of him. You accept his smartness and admire him.

Any other reasons? Wondering...

Gretchen Reuben on shared work

http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/10/resentful-overworked-face-these-painful-facts-about-shared-work/

The Biggest loser weight loss challenge in US..

Another bluff being called. Apalling.
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/former-biggest-loser-contestant-andrew-cosi-costello-reveals-the-truth-about-the-weight-loss-show/story-e6frfmq9-1226820498768?utm_source=taste&utm_medium=rhc&utm_campaign=news-widget

Change....

So, I have made my new year resolutions.. When you have crisp definitions like that - it's easy...
How? Everything that happens.. categorise into which bucket it goes to. Then ruthless root cause analysis...resolve, close the case.
Last week, a couple of things happened...and here's a post mortem.
a) I went to a friend's meet. Somehow I could not feel a free flow of energy. These are people from college, whom I met 2-3 times last year. We can talk, but there's is a restricted energy flow. It's visible to me. When I am not comfortable..I try too hard to be cool.. and nice and polite...and end up worse. If I am what I am... I am quite funny and nice to be around. So, this restricted energy flow was visible all the times... and when we went to the office, my previous bad experience with my ex-company was haunting me and I could feel myself not being free.
b) At the same party I observed that there was a conversation which I was not part of.. and I felt a little odd... I thought "Why invite me if you're not comfortable sharing some things"? Then on the other hand, these 2 people could have met, without calling me. They did call me and I went just because I was invited. So, it means.. they want to invite me but not yet comfortable discussing certain things. Based on a) and b) I have decided to restrict my socializing to people I am very comfortable with. If I am not comfortable, I should not be there.
c) I had made a Valrhona dreamy chocola cake and it was actually fabulous. I was a little hurt that no one appreciated it. One person did ask for the recipe but did not comment on it. When I came home and tried, it was super delicious. Was wondering why no one liked it. Reasons: 1) They were busy talking and did not take keen notice. 2) The taste was too dark or heavy for their liking.
So, either way, I decided not to take offence because we cannot cater to everyone's moods or to everyone's taste buds... I decided to let go.
d) The night before I left for Pondy, we had some sudden visitors. I had planned meticulously and since I do not have a microwave, I cooked the food exactly when the guests were to arrive. I tasted the dishes also.. and they tasted good. But, had no clue what my guest would do. She had planned for some snacks and it took us a good 80 - 90 minutes to assemble and eat that. The snacks were mouth watering.. but it made my dishes go cold. When we got to eat the dinner, I could not eat anything as all the dishes had lost their flavour. I controlled my emotions and upset and we managed to retain a nice atmosphere. There was a lot of work, clearing up and..it was too late. The next day I kept feeling very bad that all my dishes got spoilt due to that timing delay. Without knowing someone had caused a disaster. I usually take great pride in throwing a good party. I like to create good dishes and present them. This time, it was all gone waste. It hurt me...It took me a while to reconcile.. and forget the incident. Somehow with this particular gang, I already have hesitations calling them home for food because..we eat pretty bland food.. and these people eat spicy food and bland food tastes good only when served hot. That plays on me quite a lot... somehow unfortunately my cakes were also not super delicious. a) I made one half size cake and some ingredient got messed up.. and my cake was less than superb. b) I made the chocola with local chocolate and it tasted less than gorgeous.
So, what does one do, when a whole party full of items go bad? It was a pretty depressing situation for me. It made me want to unsocialize immediately. I could not accept that I had a party where none of the items were outstanding. I am used to having good items, so I was not able to accept mediocre. This is exactly the issue with work too.. I probably can't accept that sometimes things will not go as planned and will turn out pretty mediocre despite best efforts. This is probably why Krishna says "Take enjoyment in the process of work. Don't wait for the results".  Sometimes the results of your work depend on so many external factors - here - the time of arrival of guests, the kind of ingredients used, the absence of a microwave..etc. Many are not in my hands, so I accept that it was a dull party. I can now write a guide on how to make a dull party interesting. I had already written some guidelines for cooking party food.
Guidelines for parties:
Never cook something new that day. Always use tried and tested recipes.
Accept that some days despite best efforts some things may not taste very impressive.
Never alter a recipe on the day. Don't change quantities.
Never serve bland food cold. It tastes horrible.
Discuss the things being brought and approximate time of arrival of guests and serving time. Some dishes need to be made hot on the fly. So, don't end up at the host's place at staggered times and make it difficult for them. Ensure that the host also gets rest.
For the host, avoid items which need to be created fresh and hot while guests arrive. This will leave you with sufficient time to serve and talk.
If you're a guest, don't showcase your creation, unless its a potluck. The host may feel left out if your creation steals her show. She may have put a lot of effort and you're just spoiling all the effort unknowingly. Unless requested, do not bring potluck kind of dishes to the party.
Even if a dish doesn't turn up well, don't fret over it. Be cool and charm people with the conversation. Never make food as the prime attraction of a house party. Sometimes food can turn this way or that way but a good conversation will always remain forever.
If you're a host, forget then and there if the food was not great. Do not carry memories of it back home. It may affect your relation with the host.


e) Then, there is this person I have been very uncomfortable with. I avoided accepting his FB request for so long. When I finally felt, I was brave enough to take him, I accepted him.
I wrote a post and he passed a comment and one of it was a compliment and one was rude. I was upset. I understood the dynamics again.. I am uncomfortable with the person. So, I try to act cool.. and I don't be myself.  I feel that the person hurts my ego and constantly underestimates my abilities and I am always trying to prove myself as fun and intelligent to this person. I understand that. Now, I will no longer do that. I am proud of who I am. I own up to my intelligence. I own up to my goof ups. I own to everything...So, I will deal with this person slowly and peacefully without hurting myself. I also realized that somewhere, due to something, I have built this huge ego or something, which gets hurt with such comments. I don't know if it ego. Maybe I am too sensitive. So, all my teachings have to be practised.

f) Also, another great thing I found is, don't care much for the bodily discomfort. I always have this huge issue of eating too much and feeling flabby when I am on vacation. It disturbs my peace of mind. I am curious to try new things and I also know that I cannot burn off things easily. So, I end up putting on weight. Also, I hate the sun. This time we had to roam around Pondy in pretty hot weather. I consciously decided to not worry abt the body so much. The first day I took 3 showers coz of the heat. The 2nd day I showered only in the morning and I didn't even change my clothes after every outing. Usually I would have changed 3-4 clothes in that time.. So, we should learn to care less about the body. It really frees us..

Sadhguru's collection of quotes

http://rememberwhoweare.wordpress.com/2011/09/23/sadhguruquotes/

Thoughts, identification and spirituality

How can we control thoughts? Can we remove thoughts from the mind?

There is no huge bank of thoughts within you. Thoughts are just going and going, one at a time, one at a time, one at a time. If you try to do anything with them, they will go faster and faster because in your mind, there is no subtraction or division, there is only addition and multiplication. Can you take away one thought forcefully? Experiment and see: For the next 10 seconds, do not think about monkeys. If you try not to think about something, only that will happen. That is the nature of the mind.

What is a thought? A thought is just a certain emanation, a certain surface fluctuation of the content that you hold in your mind. Your mind is like society's garbage bin; everybody that goes by stuffs something in your head. You have no choice as to what to receive and from whom. If you say "I don't like this person" you will receive much more from that person than from anybody else. Have you noticed this? If you say, "I don't want to have anything to do with that man," you will think about him more and more. The more you resist someone, the more he becomes a part of your consciousness.

If we look at your mind as a garbage bin, thoughts are like the smells that emanate. Do not understand this analogy as negative. A garbage bin is not useless; a garbage bin is very useful. Your house can do without a television and a telephone, but it cannot do without a garbage bin. If you use it when you want, if you open it and shut it when you want, it is a wonderful device. Without it, your whole house would become filthy. But if you decide to live in it, it is a horrible thing. Right now, that is all that has happened. There is nothing wrong with the content of your mind. It is better that you have all the filth in the world in your mind -- otherwise, you will walk into the filth and not know what is what. But now, you are constantly living in the mind, and it is such a torture for people. They don't know how to be out of it.

There are certain types of meditations where you simply sit and notice that you are "here" and your mind is out "there." There is a clear distance between you and the mind. Once there is a distance, whatever the mind says, it has no impact on you. The content does not matter. If you hear the word "Buddha," you may think in terms of Gautama the Buddha. But Gautama is not the only Buddha; that was not his second name. His name was Gautama Siddhartha, and he became a Buddha. Buddhi means "intellect," or the logical dimension of your mind. Dha means "one who is above." So, one who is above his mind is a "Buddha." One who is in his mind is a nonstop suffering human being. Once you are in the mind, your suffering is inevitable. You may watch the sunset and forget your sufferings for a moment, but then you will turn back and see your fears, anxieties and troubles are right there. Once you are in the mind, there is fear and anxiety. You may get breaks here and there, but there is no release from it.

What is keeping this thought process continuously on is that you have identified yourself with things that you are not. You have identified yourself with your body, but the body is just an accumulation of food that you have eaten. Even if you own the chair you are sitting on, after some time, you will get identified with the chair. If your neighbor's child comes and scratches the polish, it will hurt deep in your heart; it will not just be a scratch on the chair. This is because you are capable of getting identified with anyone or anything that you come in touch with. Once you are identified with someone or something that you are not, the thought process is endless. It just goes on and on. It is like you have eaten very bad food, and now you have gas in your stomach. If you try to stop it, your stomach will bloat and burst. But you cannot stop it; it keeps going. Thought is just like this. You became identified with things that you are not, starting from your body, impressions that you take in, things around you and people, ideas, philosophies, slogans, etc., and now thought is an endless process. You try to do many things, but you cannot stop it. Even if you take a stick and hit the top of your head, it won't stop.

So, what can you do? Unidentify yourself with everything that you are not. Keep your house aside, keep your education aside, keep your husband aside, keep your children aside, keep your body aside, keep your mind aside, and keep your emotions aside. Care for them, take care of them, handle them -- but don't become that. If you are not identified with anything, if you are simply here, you will see there is no room for thought at all. Once you have this awareness, you will see thought is a conscious process. If you want to think, you think, otherwise there is nothing in your head, and that is how it should be. Just the beauty of emptiness.

Nothingness

If you know you are nothing, you become unlimited. That’s the beauty of being a human being.
                                                                                                                                      - Sadhguru

M.A in Philosophy

So, here's one of the few - aware choices that I've made - to study Philosophy.
When I joined Isha Yoga, I was reading Sadhguru's blogs. Most of the things made sense to me.
Somewhere, someone mentioned the vedas and vedantas in some spiritual link. I think it's from "Autobiography of a yogi". I made notes and picked up a few Vedanta books. They made even more sense to me. I have read quite a few books by Sadhguru and this Autobiography of a yogi, Vedanta Treatise and now Nithyananda's "Guaranteed Solutions".
Somehow they appeal to me more than fiction. Probably because I can read these, analyze it in my life's context, derive meaning and stay peaceful. Life has definitely become more relaxed and peaceful and my spouse can feel the effect too.

So, I wanted to know how I could pursue these interests as a formal course. I then landed up at M.A in Philosophy, which, atleast on paper, has everything that I am interested in.
I wish this is what I am really searching for.. and I hope I can even go as far as pursuing a PhD.
It would be so nice to own a Doctoral degree.

Though all this looks fine, if one wants to make a living by philosophy, I don't know if it can happen.
http://targetjobs.co.uk/careers-advice/degree-subjects-your-options/301046-what-can-i-do-with-a-philosophy-degree

For once, I understand things better. Man has basic needs. Only when they are fulfilled, he has time for spirituality. So, he needs a job, which pays enough to meet his needs and take care of a family.
That is precisely why our families want us to do professional courses, which can be called a "profession". If you're an artist or into any form of art of courses like this - literature/ philosophy/ history - unless you get a teaching job or writer's job, you're doomed. You may sit in your sofa wondering how you'll pay your bills... and what would have happened if you'd done Engineering.
It's sad that some things have gained more importance and monetary worth than others. That's the world we live in and we should accept and work in tandem, to both achieve inner satisfaction as well as do something that can generate a livelihood.

Jainism

I recently met a Jain lady. She explained some things that she follows and I was so attracted.
All the principles say - live for the day. Do not hoard. Since we're all hoarding so much wealth, we're depriving others of their basic needs.

Control the senses (the tongue, especially). Restrict the amount of food you eat, the number of times you eat, eat sattvic food.
Learn to let go of bodily comforts. Be physically active. The body can have disease and we can still remain happy.
Practise ahimsa and honesty and truthfulness.
Learn to control the mind.If mind says "sleep for some more time" don't listen. Get up. Break old habits.
Don't hoard. Be generous. Help others in need.

I found many principles, easy to understand and meaningful.

The wolves of wall street

We know what happens in Wall Street. For some reason I didn't want to make any money from shares. I thought it was not the right thing to do. I did not have to work to earn that money (same with bank FDs but that is different). Your stocks belong to companies which care only about money. Your MFs are run by money hungry wolves. The whole market is run by a handful of people and we retail investors have no clue why something goes up or down. There's someone running the show to his own benefit.

So, I don't want to invest in that or make money from stocks. It liberates me :-)
I don't need a private jet. I don't want to cruise in Venice or watch Roger Federers.

http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/this-guy-had-made-more-than--5-million-on-wall-street-by-30-and-left-it-all--here-s-why-175020255.html

Efficient algorithms

I just started reading algorithms again. I can hardly move past the 1st one.

While thinking of algos, you know a few things.
A problem can have multiple solutions. Each one could be optimized for different things - either time or memory or simply easier code. Or, you could simply follow a rote method and solve it. Disregard any optimization.

Likewise, the many things we do in the REAL life have multiple solutions.
If you really want to optimize, you can.

You want to buy vegetables.

a) How many days stock do you need? Are you willing to shop 2-3 times for the week?
b) What all are must-haves? Are there any leftovers in the fridge?
c) Where do you want to shop? Super market, pushcart or small shops near your house or sabzi mandi? Price - quality and choice of vegetables at each place - ease of getting all that you need in one roof - convenience and a/c - distance from your house - availability of parking, weather conditions, time you have in hand, day of week, do I like the shopkeeper?- all of this could affect that one decision.

d) Do you have specific items which you want to pick from specific store or you can adjust with quality from one store? that means you make 3-4 trips.
e) Do u want to carry your own bags? - you need to plan and spend time arranging bags.
f) Do you want pre-packed veggies or pre-cut veggies? Do you really want to pick greens, because cleaning greens takes a long time?
g) Do you care about seasonal produce? Do you want to take the pains to go to Lalbagh or GKVK to pick some rare, seasonal stuff? Is it worth the pains?
h) Do you have enough cash? Else withdraw cash.
i) Do you want to walk or use the car? Does the car have fuel?
j) Do you have any parties lined up for the week? Is so, you need to plan for specific stuff and re-adjust the quantities.

Then, starts the post processing:
Step 1:
You can come back from shopping and rest. Some of the greens may wither.
OR
You can either dump them all in the fridge as is.
Or
seggregate and dump.
OR
wash them. seggregate and dump.
OR
wash them, immerse in water to remove pesticides, segregate and dump.
OR
wash them, immerse in water to remove pesticides, segregate, clean the greens and dump.
OR
wash them, immerse in water to remove pesticides, segregate, clean the greens, plan and dump.
Here - while you seggregate you make a list of what recipe you want to use with that veggie.
You can seggregate ones that will go bad faster (like greens) on top and use them first. You can draw a list and post it on your fridge.

Then over the next few days, you check if you're using the veggies properly. Check if you've run out of something. Check if something is about to go bad. If it has already gone bad, trash it and get thrashed.

By the end of the cycle, you need special planning because you're left with an assortment of vegetables which cannot be used individually but need to be very creatively combined to make for a tasty dish. If you have no time for that, you may have to trash these minute quantities.

Now, you're free.. atlast when your fridge is free...and you feel relaxed that you no longer need to plan for the vegetables in the fridge...the next cycle starts. The whole family is hungry.

Law of conservation of energy

Over a period of time I know what drains me and I know how to conserve energy, even if it means escaping from the situation instead of solving it.

Today we had a funny incident. We were waiting for a parking at HAL mandi and I asked Hiran to park on the right. I miscalculated that there was less space to park.
He took right and found that there's not enough space and was telling me
"You misguided me. I was planning to park on the left side. There was space. Now, I have made a mistake".
I told him "You overestimate my skills and underestimate yourself so much. You don't have to take my suggestion as best always, you can use your own brain sometimes" :-)
This was a funny incident but I learnt something.

When your wife does something better than you can, you let her do it - not only to avoid conflict but mostly to conserve energy. You want to conserve energy so that you can do what's important to you - even if it means sleeping for 16 hours on a weekend.

If your wife offers to drive, you're happy. If she becomes independent, you're happy.
If your neighbour offers a drop for your kids, you're happy.
If someone offers to babysit your kid, you're happy.
So - you're happy to have one less item on your list.

That's true with all of us. This law coupled with our laziness makes us push jobs to others.
If the fridge cranks up, at the most I may call the repair guy. I will not do anything further. I don't water the plants. I don't boil water. I almost never recharge my phone. I almost never refuel the car. If my husband coughs at night I am too lazy to wake up and give him boiled water while he will definitely do that for me. I operate in my comfort zone. I am lazy. I conserve energy. Also, I do not interfere or break my head on things that I do not understand. If the router does not work for some crazy reason, I will not try to understand why. Because, it's not important to me. I just need it fixed.
I have changed a few things - like, I am now ok to fuel the car,etc. But most others, I have not changed.


I know a couple where the husband ONLY goes to work and comes home. Occasionally he takes his family out. They hardly travel. He hardly plays with his kid. He sleeps all the time over the weekend, only to wake up for food. All I have seen him do is - go to work, come home, watch TV and sleep.
His wife pays the bills. She and his mother do the shopping. Even for the kid's birthday, the wife has to arrange everything. When she falls sick, she has to drive herself to the doctor. She drops the kid though the husband is at home at that time. She has to ready the kid. She has to buy his clothes. She has to prepare the house for diwali. He instructs the mom and daughter not to disturb his sleep. He asks the wife to go alone to parties. The wife takes the kid for activities. There is absolutely no participation from the husband.

Very rarely I have seen the husband participate in things. He even asks us to help his wife decorate the house for diwali. Just that he does not want to participate. He's plain lazy. The wife wants help to ready the kid and drop the kid, but the husband is lazy. She wants his help to entertain the kid over the weekends, but he wants his precious sleep.


I don't want to judge the person, but I feel this is a perfect example of law of conservation of energy + laziness. If I were the wife, I would not mind as long as I get my due and my husband loves me and cares for me. I have no idea what goes inside between these people and it's none of my business.


It's ok to use the law of conservation of energy, but it's important to know how much your partner is capable of doing and whatever burden you're placing on him/her - is she able to take it? Is it causing them excess burden? Is it making them unhappy? Are they able to cope with it? You need to think about these things. We need to observe what happens in our house. Who is doing what - not from a policing angle, but from a helping angle.

When my mom comes over, she totally takes over control of the house. I have no work. I become lazy and lazier. She slogs and works till 11 PM! I don't bother to understand what all she does. I just leave it to her. It's a bad attitude and it's not going to help me grow as a person.

So, my advice to all us - look at what your mother does. Even if it means physical exertion, help her. Look at what your father does - help him clean his bike or car. Help him organize his desk or computer. Pay the bills for him. Get his bike cleaned.
Help your sister, help your husband. Help your neighbour. I think there is a lot of lesson to learn from "service to others" and that's why its integral to any society or religion. To participate in something not directly related to your well being..
This will not only make us sensitive to others and their needs, it will make us physically active and also make us better human beings.
So, I will also carefully observe and follow these from now.

P.S: On the other hand, there is this other super active couple with a super active kid. The father spends so much time with the daughter, teaching her new things, taking her out on weekends.. keeping her active. I wonder how he does it. He hardly sleeps.
The mother is always with the kid - teaching english, manners, what not. She takes the kid to skating, cycling and swimming. They have birds at home. The kid is involved in gardening. The kid does almost all the activities that her parents do. They do something different for every birthday party. I find this to be a very active house and I am sure all of them have healthy physical and mental bodies. I always wonder how they can remain so patient and active. I know that I don't have half the energy that these people have!

Freedom and pain

I was thinking aloud.. what sets me free?
My education, my job, the money?
No.. In reality, the things that do not matter to me, the things that I have never thought of.. those are the things that do not hold me a slave. They are the things that give me true freedom.
eg: I was this studious kid at school. I never cared a damn about boys and such things. If you see, that's what set me free.. I never had any heartaches...It's not bad to fall in love.. but unless you're mature.. when 2 people come together love will soon turn into heartache. So, God spared me all that during school and college years.

But the moment it matters to you.. you're looking at the mirror a 1000 times. Have u seen women doing their lips while driving? You choose your dresses with utmost care. Why do they do that? You are constantly worrying about how you look and what you wear. You doll up for occasions.
This idea of looking attractive for boys thing has enslaved them. They cannot live without thinking about it. It occupies a huge part of your life. I have seen soooo many people like this, so such people do exist. But, the moment it stops worrying you - you feel free.. you feel light.. you dress comfortably. ..you carry yourself with a certain ease...It frees you.

Whatever matters to you - you think abt it.. you plan.. you worry.. that's the rule.. and these qualities make you a slave.

If I say I drink only Starbucks, I am a slave of Starbucks. I am not free!
If I do not care about coffee or Starbucks.. I am free of coffee.. that thing doesn't exist for me. I do not worry about it. I don't spend CPU cycles on it. It sets me free.. I have 1 less thing to worry about.
Makes sense?

Pain:
I was thinking - what causes pain? Why pain? Why suffering?
If someone upsets you - it causes pain. Why?
Did god want us to experience so much pain all the time? Why are we experiencing it?
Let's say somebody says "You're ugly". It pains you. You cry. Why?
a) Because you feel he's rude and has hurt you.
b) Because you have taken his words for true and can't accept that you're ugly.

What the person has done is, hurt our ego. Everyone has an ego and so that gets hurts first most of the times. Most conflicts are ego clashes.
You start feeling you're ugly and move into a self sympathizing mode. You start feeling bad for yourself. You feel it's important to look beautiful and since you no longer think you are beautiful you think this life is not worth living.
You dwell on the fact that XXX was rude. No one should be so rude. Why are people so rude?
You feel XXX thinks you're unimportant and everyone of us wants to feel important. We crave for attention all through our lives. When someone does not give us attention or gives someone else more attention it hurts us. It hurts our ego.

I have started believing that every pain is pointing to a flaw in us somewhere.
We need to ruthlessly analyze the cause of the pain with ourself and iron out the flaw.
Else, the pain will come back through something else or someone else.. some other time.

Here, the wrong this is - we all have huge egos and we can't accept negative things about ourself. We all want to feel proud and perfect and desired, always.
If we think we're a nobody - we're dirt, we maybe able to accept what others say.
We think people should be polite, nice, caring and respectful. This is a wrong expectation. People are what they are. Sometimes they wear their masks but sometimes the mask comes off and you see the real person.. the real person may not be polite. For eg: I am not a polite person at all. I wear my mask usually, so when you catch me unawares you can see that I will never be polite. You need to accept that I'm that way and there's nothing wrong. I can have many qwirky habits, don't let mine affect you.
Then, we have these flawed ideas of beauty. Why crave beauty? Because beautiful people get attention. Why crave attention? Why are we so dependent on others for an ego boost?
If your sense of pride and ego comes from others, it is natural that there will be some who will burst it also, right?

Some amount of introspection like this will lead you to the root cause and then slowly we can work with the shortcomings. If we're giving too much importance to beauty, we can take steps towards decreasing it. We can accept that we're not beautiful, but also know that this property doesn't matter. Today the world is after money and beauty, yesterday it was after educational degrees, tomorrow it will be after tattoos and gays. Do you want to change yourself to be popular? The changes of the world are brought in my revolutions.. of people who were suppressed and ill-treated and who did not get their due. So, what is dirt today can become important tomorrow. Tomorrow dark people maybe in fashion and then, if you're fair, would you hang yourself? How much importance do you want to give to the world? The world is changing always and has never been fair and just. You want to rely on that world to derive your qualities?

If we're giving too much importance to people or things, we can work on strengthening our core.. and our inside so that we have a better sense of who we are, than relying on other people's words...
Accepting people as they are and accepting situations and our helplessness, helps us in a long way.

So, by ironing out things this way, each of our flawed conditioning can be removed..I believe.
Life will start becoming easier.

Karma is only for the body and mind. Our souls are all equal. There is no carry over for the soul. The more we concentrate on "I am not the body, I am not even the mind".. the less we suffer.
All souls are equal and if we realize that we do not get trapped into sadness, because sadness is inevitably caused by some physical comparison or discomfort (handicap) or the mind's thoughts.
When I know that my mind is nothing but a sum of what I see, what I read, where I studied, whom I interact with - where is the original ownership? Is the concept that "beauty is important" mine in the first place? Someone else created the rule to feel good about themselves.
You create a rule - Holding an M.S is the most important - if it suits you, and start feeling important... what's wrong. Some people create rules.. and stereotypes. It's not right or just. Then, why suffer?


I read the foll. It may not make sense to some, but it looked good to me. Even if its fake, if it is going to help me learn my lesson, I am fine.
From http://www.masteringourselves.com/articles/karma-and-prebirth-contracts.html :
Though we are all one, and all contain God within, we are still individual personalities with individual traits in need of transforming. This process of transformation culminates when we merge back into the Godhead.

Universal laws establish proper ways of behavior that all souls must adhere to. Behaving outside these parameters indicates your need for education and lessons. On the human level, all of us need to transform the part of ourselves that has behaved badly so that we will never choose to behave that way again. As we accomplish this, we also transform the corresponding part of our soul. Negative patterns need to be transformed until the desire to behave badly no longer exists in our soul. For example, if we have a tendency to be physically abusive to others, we will need to reeducate that part of ourselves until the mere thought of hurting someone no longer comes into our mind.

The entire universe is set up so that all beings, human, humanoid (an ethereal being that looks human) and others, are to learn lessons. Lessons vary greatly from one corner of the universe to another, and are based on consistent, systematic, organized universal laws that encompass all dimensions.

Karmic lessons indeed drive all of the uncomfortable challenges in our lives. Underneath our lack of whatever, lie our lessons. 

Transformation

We don't go from caterpillar to butterfly in a day.. it takes time.
(Generously quoting sugar from http://therumpus.net/2012/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-96-the-dark-cocoon/)
Transformation isn’t a butterfly. It's not a fancy makeover at a Chanel outlet with glamorous lights and clothes.
It’s the thing before you get to be a pretty bug flying away.
It’s huddling in the dark cocoon and then pushing your way out.
It's those dark (k)nights when there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
It's those heartaches and tears.
It's those days when life appears meaningless despite its magnificence.
It's those days when you totally lose sight of the great and wonderful person you are and fancy yourself to be either a loser or a vampire.
It's those days when all your values and morality gets misplaced and useless.
It's those days when you would rare to kill people who hurt you.
It's those days when you would consider harming the people you so dearly love.
It's those days when no longer want to own yourself.
It's those days when looking into the mirror is scarier than getting into a guillotine.
It's those days when you fancy Hitler and the British who brutally murdered innocent people.
It's those days when you go on a rampage and eat all you can.
It's those days when you do all the things, you'd never even dream of doing on better days.

It's that bad.. things are that bad. That's when transformation begins.
Once you give yourself time and your cool self kicks in...you introspect. 
The reality could dawn immediately or over a period. You read self-help books and watch romcoms.
You are a pain to hang out with.

Sometimes the process takes long.
If you're persistent and rational and find the root cause of your pain and address it, you'll be rewarded amply.
You get a better and improved and stronger version of yourself. This is the best version of yourself so far. This version is better equipped than the old to deal with the world and its ironies and idiosyncracies.

But, this will not last forever. I'm sorry to break that news.
This will last till the next pain comes chasing you :-)

When that happens.. you go through the same phases again..
but remember this blueprint. It's useful. You can be assured that you will emerge victorious - it's just a matter of time and that version will be even more powerful than this version.