Over a period of time I know what drains me and I know how to conserve energy, even if it means escaping from the situation instead of solving it.
Today we had a funny incident. We were waiting for a parking at HAL mandi and I asked Hiran to park on the right. I miscalculated that there was less space to park.
He took right and found that there's not enough space and was telling me
"You misguided me. I was planning to park on the left side. There was space. Now, I have made a mistake".
I told him "You overestimate my skills and underestimate yourself so much. You don't have to take my suggestion as best always, you can use your own brain sometimes" :-)
This was a funny incident but I learnt something.
When your wife does something better than you can, you let her do it - not only to avoid conflict but mostly to conserve energy. You want to conserve energy so that you can do what's important to you - even if it means sleeping for 16 hours on a weekend.
If your wife offers to drive, you're happy. If she becomes independent, you're happy.
If your neighbour offers a drop for your kids, you're happy.
If someone offers to babysit your kid, you're happy.
So - you're happy to have one less item on your list.
That's true with all of us. This law coupled with our laziness makes us push jobs to others.
If the fridge cranks up, at the most I may call the repair guy. I will not do anything further. I don't water the plants. I don't boil water. I almost never recharge my phone. I almost never refuel the car. If my husband coughs at night I am too lazy to wake up and give him boiled water while he will definitely do that for me. I operate in my comfort zone. I am lazy. I conserve energy. Also, I do not interfere or break my head on things that I do not understand. If the router does not work for some crazy reason, I will not try to understand why. Because, it's not important to me. I just need it fixed.
I have changed a few things - like, I am now ok to fuel the car,etc. But most others, I have not changed.
I know a couple where the husband ONLY goes to work and comes home. Occasionally he takes his family out. They hardly travel. He hardly plays with his kid. He sleeps all the time over the weekend, only to wake up for food. All I have seen him do is - go to work, come home, watch TV and sleep.
His wife pays the bills. She and his mother do the shopping. Even for the kid's birthday, the wife has to arrange everything. When she falls sick, she has to drive herself to the doctor. She drops the kid though the husband is at home at that time. She has to ready the kid. She has to buy his clothes. She has to prepare the house for diwali. He instructs the mom and daughter not to disturb his sleep. He asks the wife to go alone to parties. The wife takes the kid for activities. There is absolutely no participation from the husband.
Very rarely I have seen the husband participate in things. He even asks us to help his wife decorate the house for diwali. Just that he does not want to participate. He's plain lazy. The wife wants help to ready the kid and drop the kid, but the husband is lazy. She wants his help to entertain the kid over the weekends, but he wants his precious sleep.
I don't want to judge the person, but I feel this is a perfect example of law of conservation of energy + laziness. If I were the wife, I would not mind as long as I get my due and my husband loves me and cares for me. I have no idea what goes inside between these people and it's none of my business.
It's ok to use the law of conservation of energy, but it's important to know how much your partner is capable of doing and whatever burden you're placing on him/her - is she able to take it? Is it causing them excess burden? Is it making them unhappy? Are they able to cope with it? You need to think about these things. We need to observe what happens in our house. Who is doing what - not from a policing angle, but from a helping angle.
When my mom comes over, she totally takes over control of the house. I have no work. I become lazy and lazier. She slogs and works till 11 PM! I don't bother to understand what all she does. I just leave it to her. It's a bad attitude and it's not going to help me grow as a person.
So, my advice to all us - look at what your mother does. Even if it means physical exertion, help her. Look at what your father does - help him clean his bike or car. Help him organize his desk or computer. Pay the bills for him. Get his bike cleaned.
Help your sister, help your husband. Help your neighbour. I think there is a lot of lesson to learn from "service to others" and that's why its integral to any society or religion. To participate in something not directly related to your well being..
This will not only make us sensitive to others and their needs, it will make us physically active and also make us better human beings.
So, I will also carefully observe and follow these from now.
P.S: On the other hand, there is this other super active couple with a super active kid. The father spends so much time with the daughter, teaching her new things, taking her out on weekends.. keeping her active. I wonder how he does it. He hardly sleeps.
The mother is always with the kid - teaching english, manners, what not. She takes the kid to skating, cycling and swimming. They have birds at home. The kid is involved in gardening. The kid does almost all the activities that her parents do. They do something different for every birthday party. I find this to be a very active house and I am sure all of them have healthy physical and mental bodies. I always wonder how they can remain so patient and active. I know that I don't have half the energy that these people have!
Today we had a funny incident. We were waiting for a parking at HAL mandi and I asked Hiran to park on the right. I miscalculated that there was less space to park.
He took right and found that there's not enough space and was telling me
"You misguided me. I was planning to park on the left side. There was space. Now, I have made a mistake".
I told him "You overestimate my skills and underestimate yourself so much. You don't have to take my suggestion as best always, you can use your own brain sometimes" :-)
This was a funny incident but I learnt something.
When your wife does something better than you can, you let her do it - not only to avoid conflict but mostly to conserve energy. You want to conserve energy so that you can do what's important to you - even if it means sleeping for 16 hours on a weekend.
If your wife offers to drive, you're happy. If she becomes independent, you're happy.
If your neighbour offers a drop for your kids, you're happy.
If someone offers to babysit your kid, you're happy.
So - you're happy to have one less item on your list.
That's true with all of us. This law coupled with our laziness makes us push jobs to others.
If the fridge cranks up, at the most I may call the repair guy. I will not do anything further. I don't water the plants. I don't boil water. I almost never recharge my phone. I almost never refuel the car. If my husband coughs at night I am too lazy to wake up and give him boiled water while he will definitely do that for me. I operate in my comfort zone. I am lazy. I conserve energy. Also, I do not interfere or break my head on things that I do not understand. If the router does not work for some crazy reason, I will not try to understand why. Because, it's not important to me. I just need it fixed.
I have changed a few things - like, I am now ok to fuel the car,etc. But most others, I have not changed.
I know a couple where the husband ONLY goes to work and comes home. Occasionally he takes his family out. They hardly travel. He hardly plays with his kid. He sleeps all the time over the weekend, only to wake up for food. All I have seen him do is - go to work, come home, watch TV and sleep.
His wife pays the bills. She and his mother do the shopping. Even for the kid's birthday, the wife has to arrange everything. When she falls sick, she has to drive herself to the doctor. She drops the kid though the husband is at home at that time. She has to ready the kid. She has to buy his clothes. She has to prepare the house for diwali. He instructs the mom and daughter not to disturb his sleep. He asks the wife to go alone to parties. The wife takes the kid for activities. There is absolutely no participation from the husband.
Very rarely I have seen the husband participate in things. He even asks us to help his wife decorate the house for diwali. Just that he does not want to participate. He's plain lazy. The wife wants help to ready the kid and drop the kid, but the husband is lazy. She wants his help to entertain the kid over the weekends, but he wants his precious sleep.
I don't want to judge the person, but I feel this is a perfect example of law of conservation of energy + laziness. If I were the wife, I would not mind as long as I get my due and my husband loves me and cares for me. I have no idea what goes inside between these people and it's none of my business.
It's ok to use the law of conservation of energy, but it's important to know how much your partner is capable of doing and whatever burden you're placing on him/her - is she able to take it? Is it causing them excess burden? Is it making them unhappy? Are they able to cope with it? You need to think about these things. We need to observe what happens in our house. Who is doing what - not from a policing angle, but from a helping angle.
When my mom comes over, she totally takes over control of the house. I have no work. I become lazy and lazier. She slogs and works till 11 PM! I don't bother to understand what all she does. I just leave it to her. It's a bad attitude and it's not going to help me grow as a person.
So, my advice to all us - look at what your mother does. Even if it means physical exertion, help her. Look at what your father does - help him clean his bike or car. Help him organize his desk or computer. Pay the bills for him. Get his bike cleaned.
Help your sister, help your husband. Help your neighbour. I think there is a lot of lesson to learn from "service to others" and that's why its integral to any society or religion. To participate in something not directly related to your well being..
This will not only make us sensitive to others and their needs, it will make us physically active and also make us better human beings.
So, I will also carefully observe and follow these from now.
P.S: On the other hand, there is this other super active couple with a super active kid. The father spends so much time with the daughter, teaching her new things, taking her out on weekends.. keeping her active. I wonder how he does it. He hardly sleeps.
The mother is always with the kid - teaching english, manners, what not. She takes the kid to skating, cycling and swimming. They have birds at home. The kid is involved in gardening. The kid does almost all the activities that her parents do. They do something different for every birthday party. I find this to be a very active house and I am sure all of them have healthy physical and mental bodies. I always wonder how they can remain so patient and active. I know that I don't have half the energy that these people have!
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