Meenakshi Ammal of Samaithu paar fame and other brave women.

Yday I wanted to read about this lady. Someone had mentioned her in their food blog and I was interested to know more about this Tamil cook book author.

What I read, on the website amazed me. This is a woman, a young widow with no educational qualifications, who wrote the famous and first of its kind tamil cook book!

Look at the list of items covered in her cookery book list and you'd be amazed...
Hats off to this lady!

I could not help but remember by own grandmother and her struggles as a young widow - a woman with no property, no education and absolutely no financial security or income... how she raised her three young kids...and how they are all well settled beyond her own belief is stuff of rags to riches story..

Also, another interesting widow with a beautiful window to life:

Post by Mohamed Imthiyas.

Thrive by Arianna Huffington

http://www.amazon.com/Thrive-Redefining-Success-Creating-Well-Being/dp/0804140847/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396324653&sr=8-1&keywords=thrive

http://thrivebook.megaph.com/live.html

Author One-on-One: Arianna Huffington and Mark Hyman

Arianna Huffington and Mark Hyman discuss Arianna's new book Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder.
Arianna Huffington is the chair, president, and editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, a nationally syndicated columnist, and author of fourteen books. Mark Hyman, MD is a seven-time New York Times bestselling author—Including the recently released Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet—founder and medical director of The UltraWellness Center in Lenox, Massachusetts and Chairman of The Institute for Functional Medicine.
Mark Hyman: Arianna, in Thrive you talk about our need to redefine success beyond money and power to include what success means to us and that to live a truly successful life we need to integrate well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving into our lives. You open the book describing your collapse in 2007 from exhaustion leading to a broken cheekbone and a round of visits to doctors and hospitals for tests. You were clearly running on empty, as I know so many people are—tell us about that experience and how it led to your larger wake-up call in terms of health and well-being.
Arianna Huffington: I had my personal wake-up call on April 6, 2007, when I found myself on the floor in a pool of blood. I had collapsed from exhaustion, breaking my cheekbone and cutting my eye. I was working eighteen-hour days to build The Huffington Post, while being a mom to my two teenage daughters. What this wake-up call taught me was that even though I was considered successful by our society's conventional measures of success, I was not living a successful life by any sane definition of success. Something had to radically change in my life.
As I've learned firsthand, overwork, stress, and sleep deprivation have profound effects on virtually every part of our lives. Our current model of success is not working for anyone. It’s not working for women, and really, it's not working for men either.
Mark Hyman: All so true. Stress really does impact your physical well-being, which is why I loved your discussion of the power of meditation in our lives to relieve stress and bring balance. You make the point that even a brief meditative moment can have a restorative effect. Tell us more about that and your daily practice.
Arianna Huffington: There is more and more scientific evidence about the impact of mindfulness and meditation in our lives. The list of all the conditions that these practices impact for the better—depression, anxiety, heart disease, memory, aging, creativity—sounds like a label on snake oil from the 19th century! Except this cure-all is real, and there are no toxic side effects. Indeed, 2013 was the year when meditation and mindfulness finally and overwhelmingly stopped being seen as something vaguely flaky, vaguely New Age-y, definitely California, and fully entered the mainstream.
I personally start every morning with at least 20 to 30 minutes of meditation. If you're just beginning, you can start by introducing 5 minutes of meditation into your day. Even just a few minutes will open the door to creating a new habit—and all the many proven benefits it brings.
Mark Hyman: Throughout the book you caution against the dangers of living in a permanently connected state. I agree that it is a growing problem in society today. I know over Christmas you participated in a digital detox yourself. Is it truly possible to disconnect, even when you are running the biggest online news site in the world?
Arianna Huffington: I'm happy to say that yes, it is possible! I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s in Hawaii with my daughters, my sister, and my ex-husband—with no TV and no social media. Almost immediately, I was floored by the realization of just how much my phones had become almost physical extensions of myself—I would instinctively reach for them like phantom limbs! Unplugging meant rediscovering and savoring the moment for its own sake. Which is to say, taking in a view without tweeting it. Eating a meal without Instagramming it. Hearing my daughters say something hilarious and very shareable without sharing it. The unplugged version of myself was better able to give these things my full attention. And when I came back to the office, I was truly refreshed.
Mark Hyman: All important points. What do you want to see readers take away from this book?
Arianna Huffington: In the book, I pull together three threads: my personal journey and my hard-earned lessons; scientific studies about the importance of slowing down, sleep, meditation, and disconnecting from our devices; and many daily practices, tools, and techniques that can begin to transform our lives.
I very much hope that the book will chart another way forward—a way available to all of us right now, wherever we find ourselves. A way based on the timeless truth that life is shaped from the inside out—a truth that has been celebrated by spiritual teachers, poets, and philosophers throughout the ages, and has now been validated by modern science.
So I very much hope that the book will help make room in our definition of success for well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving, and help us move from knowing what we need to do to actually doing it.
======================================================================
Greg: What was the genesis for the book Thrive?
Arianna: We founded The Huffington Post in 2005, and two years in we were growing at an incredible pace. I was on the cover of magazines and had been chosen by Time as one of the world’s 100 Most Influential People. But after my fall, I had to ask myself, "Was this what success looked like? Was this the life I wanted?" I was working eighteen hours a day, seven days a week, trying to build a business, expand our coverage, and bring in investors. But my life, I realized, was out of control. In terms of the traditional measures of success, which focus on money and power, I was very successful. But I was not living a successful life by any sane definition of success. I knew something had to radically change. I could not go on that way. And that is how Thrive came to be.
Greg: How did we get here? As a society I mean: what are the greater forces at play?
Arianna: Over time our society’s notion of success has been reduced to money and power. In fact, at this point, success, money, and power have practically become synonymous in the minds of many. This idea of success can work— or at least appear to work— in the short term. But over the long term, money and power by themselves are like a two-legged stool— you can balance on them for a while, but eventually you’re going to topple over. And more and more people— very successful people— are toppling over.
In the world of business, one of the primary obstacles keeping many companies from adopting more sane and sustainable metrics of success is the stubborn — and dangerously wrongheaded— myth that there is a trade- off between high performance at work and taking care of ourselves. This couldn’t be less true. And soon, the companies that still believe this will be in the minority. Right now, about 35 percent of large and midsize U.S. employers offer some sort of stress-reduction program, including Target, Apple, Nike, and Procter & Gamble. And those that do are starting to be recognized for their efforts, especially by employees. Glassdoor.com, the social jobs and careers community, releases an annual list of the top twenty- five companies for work- life balance: “Companies that make sincere efforts to recognize employees’ lives outside of the office,” said Glassdoor’s Rusty Rueff, “will often see the payoff when it comes to recruiting and retaining top talent.”
Greg: What is the most interesting research you came across in writing this book? Something which made you say, "Wow!"
Arianna: One point that really struck me had to do with gazelles. They run and flee when there is a danger— a leopard or a lion approaching— but as soon as the danger passes, they stop and go back to grazing peacefully without a care in the world. But human beings cannot distinguish between real dangers and imagined ones. As Mark Williams, a psychology professor at Oxford, explains, “The brain’s alarm signals start to be triggered not only by the current scare, but by past threats and future worries…So when we humans bring to mind other threats and losses, as well as the current scenario, our bodies’ fight-or-flight systems do not switch off when the danger is past. Unlike the gazelles, we don’t stop running.” Now my screensaver is a picture of gazelles – they are my role models! But Thrive explores many of the ways modern science is validating ancient wisdom, so there were a lot of “wow” moments!
Greg: What are 3 things people can do (or deliberately not do) to make the shift to thriving?
Arianna: Thrive is designed as a bridge,to help us move from knowing what to do to actually doing it. Here are three simple steps each of us can take that can have dramatic effects on our well-being:
1. Unless you are one of the wise few who already gets all the rest you need, you have an opportunity to immediately improve your health, creativity, productivity, and sense of well- being. Start by getting just thirty minutes more sleep than you are getting now. The easiest way is to go to bed earlier, but you could also take a short nap during the day— or a combination of both.
2. Introduce five minutes of meditation into your day. Eventually, you can build up to fifteen or twenty minutes a day (or more), but even just a few minutes will open the door to creating a new habit— and all the many proven benefits it brings.
3. At the end of each day, let go of something that you no longer need— something that is draining your energy without benefiting you or anyone you love. It could be resentments, negative self-talk, or a project you know you are not really going to complete.
Greg: Big question here and a bit of a shift, what do you want your eulogy to say?
Arianna: What I know for sure is that our eulogies have nothing to do with our resumes. Even for those who die with amazing Wikipedia entries, whose lives were synonymous with accomplishment and achievement, their eulogies focus mostly on what they did when they weren’t achieving and succeeding. They aren’t bound by our current, broken definition of success. Have you ever heard anyone eulogized by saying, "George was amazing. He increased market share by one-third!"?

The McDonaldization of Society

Boss: Make these people busy.. do whatever... just keep them busy.
Employee: How busy?
Boss: Totally busy and drained. Get them hooked to games and FB and other toys and work.
Employee (confused): OK.....
Boss: Also, remember to pay them. Make them feel rewarded.
Employee (even more confused): Then?
Boss: Make him eat more, game more, sleep more, spend more, work more, buy more and make him think he's enjoying life.
Employee: Boss.. just tell me what you want to sell to that poor guy.

Boss: Smart guy. We own McD, Coke, Weight Watchers, AOL, FB, anti depressants and Viagra.

Inspired by The McDonaldization of Society.

Miracles

All of us wait 5..10 or 20 years for miracles to happen.
What exactly is a miracle? Is it some huge success? A huge bank balance?
A big degree or fancy corporate title?
We need to understand what kind of miracle we want. What is it that we're waiting for.. to make us happy and blissful?


http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/real-life-true-miracle-greatest-stories/
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/spot/the-magic-of-life/

Washington Post's social experiment

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

Also read:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qatsi_trilogy

Poem on leisure

W. H. Davies

Leisure

WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?— No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Post on holi

Holi: The many shades of desire

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-holi-the-many-shades-of-desire-1971135

Holi is unique to North India and has no parallel anywhere else in the world. This uniqueness is indeed an anthropological wonder, unfortunately never studied by anthropologists. Equally unfortunate is the fact that no historian of India has ever thought of compiling a history of this custom and while there are a few myths here and there, they cannot stand in for a historical account of the festival; its origins and its proliferation.
Like all of us, I took Holi for granted till a domestic help from the hills of Kumaon informed me of how Holi is celebrated in his land. Holi is a week-long affair where people keep wearing the colours and smearing each other with coloured powder through the entire period of five days before the full moon.
On the day of the full moon, people take their bath after the long winter. On the plains of Northern India, the night when the moon waxes to its fullest, Holika, an effigy most ghostly, from heaped garbage of dried straw and of fallen leaves is burnt and around the bonfire, for the night is still rather cool, gathers a crowd singing and dancing often into the next dawn when colours are slapped on one another.
In the east, especially after the Vaishnav movement of Shri Chaitanya, Holi is the Doljatra when it is believed that Radha Madhab comes around to the homes of people, knocks at their doors and asks them to pour colour upon the Divine Self. In the Gangetic Plain, Holi is often a drunken revelry, imitating a sex orgy, an excuse to break through the various socially constructed constraints that prevent people from freely mixing with the other.
From a sociological common sense, it appears that the Holi must have originated in the Shivaliks because of the strong suggestions of the human menstruation system with the flavour of a rite; indeed the Gods and Goddesses lived in that land and the source of rituals and festivals cannot be denied to the region.
The rites of Holi are not really surprising, but the use of colour is. This way of donning colour on human beings, painting one another in vegetable colours is indeed unparalleled anywhere else in the world. Truly, when Holi spread elsewhere in the country, the colours were carried on rather than the rites.
To burn Holika at stake in Punjab on the eve of the festival is a direct carry over from the witch-burning custom of the West. Punjab being home to Aryans may have already a close proximity to territories in which burning of bodies and setting things to fire could have been a tradition.
The celebration of Holi by burning the heaped rubbish as if upon a stake may well be a long embedded memory in the deep subconscious of the area.
The actual festival of playing Holi is known Dhulendi around Delhi, a name that suggests playing with dust.
This means that the coloured powder is a euphemism of dust. The act of playing Holi is, therefore, one of a mudslinging orgy and in territories of the five rivers and the doab, it must have been a covert way of pulling off a riot, attacking with flowers and fragrances, colours and water jets those whom the necessities of social order did not otherwise allow. Trailing down the northern plains into the Gangetic Valley, Holi is sanctified behind the Radha Krishna cult and becomes licentious where men and women use the festival to mix freely across genders under the guise of deeply tangerine faces. However, it is in the 12th century that Holi seems to have found its aesthetic.
The Vaishnav movement sieved Dhulendi of its dust and retrieved its pure colours in the festival of Doljatra. In this festival, the Gods seem to descend right upon your doorstep asking you to paint them with your colours; once you shed your inhibitions and emerge literally in your true colours, you then spread your colours to those around you. The Dol in the east has a certain level of anonymity, any man and everyman should be a recipient of your colours and you of theirs.
The Vaishnav movement emerged as a sectarian movement and the Dol was a way of spreading amity and camaraderie.Whichever way Holi is decoded, sociologically and anthropologically, the aspect of colour resists analysis. Colour is the most perplexing aspect of Holi, for nowhere in the world have human societies used colour to celebrate what Holi celebrates while every society in its own way has festivals that are orgiastic or congregational.
Colour is then unique to Holi and in many ways also the fundamental principle of Indian culture. The term raga used for music means colour; raga when used to depict human emotions also means colour. A person in deep rage is called to be of raga where her face may turn red or change colour.
Holi falls in the time of spring, a time when nature proliferates and emerges out of its hibernation, which in the hills is snow. Colour is, therefore, associated with rejuvenation, a renaissance, a moment of birth, an outbreak. The Carl Sagan television show Cosmos plots the birth of the Universe in a single calendar year. According to this calendar, March 15 is the date when the Milky Way was formed. March 15 is also roughly the time of Holi.
The Milky Way created dust, the cosmic Dhulendi, and reflected light in a spectrum producing colour! This is why colour cannot really be decoded in terms of sociology and anthropology because its significance lies far beyond human societies, even beyond the Time on earth, into the moments when the Universe was being born. Holi is a remembrance of such Times, a time before Time, the core of colour in the DNA of the cosmos.
This is why in Doljatra, Radha Madhab emerges from within the concealed Time before Light and asks for colour from humans, for that is the start of Time itself, when Light gets its meaning as it collides with the dust of stars to spread colour. The writer is an independent media scholar and works as a policy economist in the Economic Research Unit, Joint Plant Committee, Ministry of Steel

Khushwant Singh on how to live

Khushwant Singh. He certainly lived his life by his own rules & marched to the tunes of his inner pied piper.
Despite the repetition, here goes this post once more.
"How To Live & Die - Khushwant Singh

I’ve often thought about what it is that makes people happy—what one has to do in order to achieve happiness.
1- First and foremost is good health. If you do not enjoy good health, you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct something from your happiness.
2- Second, a healthy bank balance. It need not run into crores, but it should be enough to provide for comforts, and there should be something to spare for recreation—eating out, going to the movies, travel and holidays in the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be demoralising. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes.
3- Third, your own home. Rented places can never give you the comfort or security of a home that is yours for keeps. If it has garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, and cultivate a sense of kinship with them.
4- Fourth, an understanding companion, be it your spouse or a friend. If you have too many misunderstandings, it robs you of your peace of mind. It is better to be divorced than to be quarrelling all the time.
5- Fifth, stop envying those who have done better than you in life—risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.
6- Sixth, do not allow people to descend on you for gup-shup. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.
7- Seventh, cultivate a hobby or two that will fulfill you—gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks, or to meet celebrities, is a criminal waste of time. It’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.
8- Eighth, every morning and evening devote 15 minutes to introspection. In the mornings, 10 minutes should be spent in keeping the mind absolutely still, and five listing the things you have to do that day. In the evenings, five minutes should be set aside to keep the mind still and 10 to go over the tasks you had intended to do.
9- Ninth, don’t lose your temper. Try not to be short-tempered, or vengeful. Even when a friend has been rude, just move on.
10- Above all, when the time comes to go, one should go like a man without any regret or grievance against anyone."

Meditation

I wonder, when the black clouds will finally bring in the required showers and a fresh start.
It's been too dark for too long.

So, everyday I need to start on a promising note.
I need to have positive energy, faith and courage.
Every day, the activities we do or don't do - suck energy.
We need to recharge. Sleep is a good way to recharge but it's not sufficient.
We need more. I can increasingly see that the last thought I slept with, is the first thought I wake up with.. Horrible, deadly thoughts. I wonder doesn't it take even a few minutes for the brain to setup its database and bootup process? Looks like - no. I am living proof. In my half asleep state, the same dreams.. same frightening things possess me.

I have no idea what is around me. Something is affecting me left and right. I try to sleep, I am disturbed. I just wake up.. I am disturbed. I really want to ask the Cosmic power "What's the deal boss? What the hell did I do to deserve this kind of unhappiness and emptiness?". Some kind of negative force has taken on me. My house feels negative. I can feel it.

Since nothing is helping, I need to help myself.
So, I have decided to start my meditation again. I joined Ananda Yoga's Level 1 classes yesterday.
This time, since I understand what meditation is about and I am convinced that only meditation can bring in peace of mind, I hope I will stick to it seriously. I should also do my Shambavi if possible.

Habits...mind and willpower

I was reading about habits at 2 places. Both these women, sound so similar, don't they?

http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2013/09/03/filling-the-time-jar-5-steps-that-will-change-your-life/

http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/02/the-habits-we-most-want-to-foster-or-the-essential-seven/

Then, there is Robin Sharma. I have to view the full video.

http://www.robinsharma.com/academy/yabyy/training/how-to-unleash-your-greatness-in-2014/

I am wondering, how come so many people suffer from the same vices?
The same slack and sloth? Do most of us hate our jobs? Why so?
Most of us hate to exercise? Why so?
I'm surprised at the common-ness of these things.
Instead of giving solutions like "habits" we may do well to meditate on the actual issue and solve it.
Habits seem good. It's like allopathic medicine. You numb the body to work whereas the symptoms remain hidden and keep growing. They will come back a year later, when your will power is at the lowest. So, it's better to go deep and see why you're procrastinating or why you lack the energy to do something rather than mask it with things like habits and productivity.

Some good excerpts from Autobiography of a yogi's FB page:
To create dynamic will power, determine to do some of the things in life that you thought you could not do. Attempt simple tasks first. As your confidence strengthens and your will becomes more dynamic, you can aim for more difficult accomplishments. Be certain that you have made a good selection, then refuse to submit to failure. Devote your entire will power to mastering one thing at a time; do not scatter your energies nor leave something half done to begin a new venture.

When guided by error, human will misleads us; but when guided by wisdom, human will is attuned to the Divine Will. God's plan for us often becomes obscured by the conflicts of human life and so we lose the inner guidance that would save us from chasms of misery.

Always be sure, within the calm region of your inner Self, that what you want is right for you to have, and in accord with God's purposes. You can then use all the force of your will to accomplish your object; keeping your mind, however, centred on the thought of God: the Source of all power and all accomplishment.

Mind is the creator of everything. You should therefore guide it to create only good. If you cling to a certain thought with dynamic will power, it finally assumes a tangible outward form. When you are able to employ your will always for constructive purposes, you become the controller of your destiny.


Strengthen your will power, so that you will not be controlled by circumstances, but will control them.

Your part is to awaken your desire to accomplish your worthy objectives. Then whip your will into action until it follows the way of wisdom that is shown to you.

Remember, in your will lies the almighty power of God. When a host of difficulties comes and you refuse to give up in spite of all obstacles; when your mind becomes "set," then you will find God responding to you.

It is not your passing inspirations or brilliant ideas so much as your everyday mental habits that control your life.

Good habits are your best helpers; preserve their force by stimulating them with good actions. Bad habits are your worst enemies; against your will they make you do the things that hurt you most. They are detrimental to your physical, social, mental, moral, and spiritual happiness. Starve bad habits by refusing to give them any further food of bad actions.

A bad habit can be quickly changed. A habit is the result of concentration of the mind. You have been thinking in a certain way. To form a new and good habit, just concentrate in the opposite direction.
 

   

 

The lows...

So, it's difficult.. not having clear goals.. feeling your days are wasted..There is nothing to rejuvenate you. You need energy to start with.. When you're depressed you need to go and pick some energy somewhere.. to do even the most basic of chores.. like taking a shower.. cooking food.. etc.

It's awful. I have been here for long.

Anais Nin:
Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous. I want to be a writer who reminds others that these moments exist; I want to prove that there is infinite space, infinite meaning, infinite dimension. But I am not always in what I call a state of grace. I have days of illuminations and fevers. I have days when the music in my head stops. Then I mend socks, prune trees, can fruits, polish furniture. But while I am doing this I feel I am not living.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/30-ways-to-improve-your-mood-when-youre-feeling-down/

Yday I watched Simbu's interview. He clearly said, "For those on a spiritual path, life is a nightmare".
I kind of feel it. Today, I read about Yuvan Shankar Raja. I feel he has also experienced a lot of turbulence. He clearly stated that no amount of fame, money or success can help you.
So, sending some love to these people...May God be kind on them (and the rest of us in turbulence)

Horrified

I was reading why women like romantic movies.. I wanted to do some research and I landed on a site, which did feel authentic and useful .. till I read a couple O more posts and was frightened beyond belief or even recovery!

Thank God I am not in such a country. Thank you God!
I would have died a long time ago if I had to live such a life!
America is the land of dreams...life there is much simpler compared to life in India or Bangladesh.
But people have complicated their lives.

Look at this guy's assessment of beauty and the kind of tips he gives to women!
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/09/feminine-beauty-is-highly-controllable.html

I am sure 80% of the American population goes through this. What a pain! To prepare so much to look good! that too in order to get a guy to date..

With so much insecurity how do you live.. how do you breathe?

What if this suffocating trend catches up in India? To some extent it has caught up in Urban India. I can see the teens and 20s dressing up so much nowadays..I don't see too much makeup, probably because makeup does not accentuate Indian skin tone. Very few women put on makeup. Many do the lipstick + kohl combo. Nothing more.

The guys also, though visually stimulated creatures, like their women without makeup. That's another plus.

I don't know what to make of such things. I wish I never came across such things. It pains me. Pains me to know that in some part of the world, a woman is expected to do so much in order to get a decent guy to share her life with. Why don't we just be ourselves.. develop a great character and inner strength and let other things fall in place? That's just me....

Somehow I sat to write this post and I could not finish it the way I wanted to. So, abruptly ending it.

Will power and energy

Once when I was buying vegetables at HAL market, I found the shop keepers very irritable.
I asked them why they were being so irritable. One nice woman said "We're working from 4 am. So, when people come and bargain so much or ask stupid questions, we tend to lose our temper".

That struck me. She was telling a big point.
Our tempers and masks start acting once our will power is exhausted.

I read about a shop keeper who assaulted a customer after he wasted more than 1 hour in trying 15 different shirts and left without buying any.

I have also read abour road rash and serious maar pitaai in the roads of Delhi.

What causes us to behave so bad? Even good people to behave bad at times?
We're caught in traffic and by the time we come home, we are irritable and we shout at our spouse.
If the food is not tasty that day or the house is dirty or the children are screaming, we let our demons out. Why does that happen?

I feel - we have a finite will power each day. Once we exhaust them on one strenuous activity in the day.. or in some combination of activities - the brain goes into some different mode. It needs peace, silence, etc. But we still need to carry on despite our brain going off. This probably puts us in danger.

I have observed, when I am terribly hungry I get irritated at everything. I think I become helpless. Mostly you have no food around and u have no energy to cook or go to a nearby restaurant. The helplessness makes us angry.

Also, when I am very tired - I've had a full day and then I still need to come home and do things, I tend to be less watchful. I'll drop things. I'll make mistakes. I will drive like crazy when I am hungry or over exhausted. These are probably brain's mechanisms to prevent overload. Maybe your systems wants to or is planning to shutdown but you're extending it beyond its capacity and then something bad happens.

So, one of the best things to do is - know the triggers.. be watchful. Accept mistakes.

On a more serious note, I have been wondering about my current state.
I seem to have no energy left, to do anything.
I look back at all the years gone by.
At school I hardly had friends. No hobbies. A lonely child with not so supportive parents. I just studied. I used to work very hard. I was always in fear and anxiety. I did work very hard.
The same happened at work too. Mostly I got work that was quite demanding. I used to work hard. Except in a few places work was filled with anxiety and stress.
Then Ciel Pur. I worked quite hard for it too.
Then my cancer episode... building a house at the same time..not easy work...
the failed IVF... those nightmarish days...
every time I have quit job - I have worked very hard to get another one. It's never been easy. I don't know how many people would have worked this hard.
Now I feel stripped of my femininity. I cannot feel many things and its not easy.
Somehow I feel.. for all this, life could have been a tad easier.. a tad more successful. a little luck here or there.. would have put things in place.
Now, when I look back I think I worked quite hard - at home and at work. I am exhausted.
I have been off work for the last 2 years. I feel that I am empty. Life feels devoid of any goals or pleasures or anything to look forward to.
My aspirations have never been too high - but they seem to have never been fulfilled or maybe this is the way it's meant to be. I feel disappointed. I don't know - I have been depressed for a long period - probably since 2005. The last time I felt happy for a long time, was when I fell in love.
It feel like too long of a dry patch. Everytime I have slipped further and further into depression. I have tried hard and distracted myself and come out a little. I am clueless what to do.

Somehow whatever small things I aspire for, I seem doomed. I feel life has been very unfair - maybe I am looking from a wrong perspective but I have felt for long that it's been very unfair to me. How many people have it so easy, why can't I have it easy?
So, I am planning to let go of even small things. For now, I will stop aspiring for anything.
I will do small things that are within my reach. I will try to derive pleasure from these - which are in my control. I will start out very small.. and have very simple goals everyday.

I no longer want to fight and struggle. I am letting go. At some point down the lane, if I gather energy I may do something. But now - I will take it small and simple and easy. Life should not be a fight.

Changes

Yesterday we were having this very interesting conversation. So, my friend said "XXX was not able to accept that the relation had changed".
That stayed with me for long.
XXX and I are very similar people. We're sensitive. We value relations a lot. I think our whole world revolves around people.
Given this, we do find it difficult to handle some things.
a) A close relation changes and moves away due to some reason - maybe they got married, they got busy or they changed a lot and are no longer compatible with us or we're not priority for them.
b) Any relation that is not a 100%.
c) When we meet people who visibly don't care for us or show love or respect, we are probably hurt.

I think, we both are slow to change. So, we probably find it difficult to accept others change.
Also, we're very accomodating. We suppress ourselves and go out of the way to please people or make them comfortable or feel loved. So when that party for whom we went to great lengths, does not take small steps for us, we feel hurt. Also, we find it difficult to be be silent in a party. We like to talk - so when there is a not so close friendship... and we have to suppress our chatterboxes we find it difficult to stay in that place. The freedom that a close relation gives, is taken away in these circumstances.

I think the problem is expectations. With expectations come disappointments.
Why do we expect things?
Either we want a repeat telecast of some previous joyous moment.
We want certain emotions played again.
We want our needs taken care of.
We are influenced by what we see - in the movies.. in books.. in other relations around us.. about relations.. and we start to expect certain behaviour. So, unknown to us, these things have settled into cracks and crevices and distort our perception of a person.
Or.. we have some unfulfilled wishes from previous relations - parents and friends or exes.. that get dumped on the current relation.

So, we unknowingly overburden a relation. So, if people behave how they want to and as a consequence - your desires are not taken care of - we felt heartbroken.

Is it possible for someone to understand each of our 10000 odd wishes? If they forget one, that one is what we end up remembering. Even we cannot satisfy someone's wishes all the time, right?. We're bound to fail to live up to their expectations in some thing or the other. Your spouse may expect you to cook great food or dress well or dance well. You're gonna fall short somewhere too.

My learnings: Relations are not meant to be this way. Someone comes into your life. Give them freedom to be themselves. Enjoy that. When they leave, do not crave for them. If they disappoint you by being themselves and not being what you want, accept it. A person is at his best when he or she is absolutely being himself. That's when a person breathes.. and it's important for all of us to breathe. For a couple of minutes you can hold your breath and put on the masks.. but it's better people learn to love or atleast accept us without the masks. When you're caught off guard there is nothing to conceal.. It just gives you so much more energy.. no need to lie.. no need to have inner conflicts...

The validity of a relation is 'now'. To prolong and extend it and dump our expectations on that person - is akin to strangling that person. Many people have this complaint that their spouses have changed. There is no longer that intimacy or attraction or whatever.

How is it possible to stay together for 10 years.. 20 years and enact the same scenes?
In your 20s things are different. You enjoy the dating and courtship and waiting. Can that happen again in your 30s when you've stayed together for 10 years? Similarly with any friendship - we hit off due to different reasons, even a rebound reason...then it goes somewhere and then somewhere else... someone gets off the wagon at some point because they don't enjoy the ride.. that does not negate the fact that for a while we all enjoyed the ride and felt that we had the same destination! To over analyze and go back and think a lot.. is the killer... The best thing to do is, when you meet someone, try to be honest but nice.. listen to them.. understand them. Once they go back home, there is absolutely nothing you can do and don't sit and think! Don't plan...just let it be.

Being spontaneous, honest and open are good qualities. Neither do we have to put on masks, not should we expect this of others.

Some homework here.
Let's say you expected something from A. A hurt you. A may or may not realize that but has come to talk to you.
How do you behave with A? If A had not hurt you - how would you have behaved?
Is the hurt causing you to behave any different?
What is our true nature? Is it fogged by anger/ hurt/ greed/ jealousy?

When do we behave our best and yet be honest and guided by intelligence - under what circumstances? Is it ever possible to be our best and true self when we're fogged with desires or anger?

When I get hurt, I retreat to my shell. I can no longer show too much interest in A's wellbeing. I, can infact be pretty rude, intolerant and inconsiderate because my own wishes were not satisfied by others. Why should I care to satisfy their wishes? I can turn pretty selfish when I feel this way.

I am beginning to think "Love is often nothing but a favorable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect, considering their value on the personality market."
Maybe the things we do in love are not coming from our being. Maybe it was a symbiotic relation. We felt loved, so we cared. Once we're disappointed our love also diminishes. Is this true love? I begin to question. So, our acts are fuelled by our wishes being fulfilled? I don't know. Unknowingly that's what we have been doing in relations. When the children do things - like choose a college of their preference or get married to a girl of their choice, the parents get hurt and separate from their own beloved child. Is this true love? I don't think so. We're all in mutually beneficial relation schemes. As long as we're satisfied we'll be good. Once we're hurt we can turn into devils, even against the same people we loved. This is a point to ponder. Aptly, I read the following words of wisdom.

=======================================================================

A Romance to Last Forever

“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever” Oscar Wilde

Sustainable love isn’t a myth, it is just misnamed, for love to be sustainable it must be constantly changing to grow with those involved. You see the real issue isn’t in the love , it’s in how people try to define forever that is the true issue.

People think forever, is to be unchanging.
To be unchanging is to break, is to wear down to nothing trying to hold onto what was.

Most lovers try to balance out their relationships based on outside rather than their center. To base love only upon someone else’s outstretched arms…
As Yeats says

“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold… “

Base love upon the nature of change, to create a ever changing love that can last upon a centre. Something that isn’t held on to but rather you stay connected with instead.
Anyways, I love the oscar wilde quote because his quote is 100% true when people try to make forever, to only be the same thing…! That becomes the same olde same olde before you know it.
So sad, but it seems most people prefer tragic love that is always fleeting over true love that is always changing.
Learn to understand the difference and you will discover lasting love.

When guided by error, human will misleads us; but when guided by wisdom, human will is attuned to the Divine Will. God's plan for us often becomes obscured by the conflicts of human life and so we lose the inner guidance that would save us from chasms of misery.
Paramahansa Yogananda

Kiran Rao

Yday I watched Koffee with Karan episode with Aamir and Kiran. For some reason, I had a strong belief that Kiran was a talented woman with a voice of her own. Someone whose opinions would be worthwhile listening to. She didn't disappoint!

Today, in an effort to learn more I ended up reading a nice interview about her. Fun!
http://archive.tehelka.com/story_main48.asp?filename=hub220111DEAR_MR.asp

Do more syndrome..be anybody than you.

Inspired by http://woodystrokes.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/just-stop/ and my own non-stop thought process which has been killing me, I realized something.

We are all made to feel that we should "do more", "be more", be a little more wise, more rich, more beautiful, lose more weight - dream big, dream more. Every single one of us are touched by these things.

I am yet to meet someone who is content with the way their life is. Someone even said "If I am content, that means I am not progressing. My children will suffer. I have to keep pushing hard".
What does that mean? If I am content I cannot progress? Is it true?

Every year millions of self improvement books get sold. I have heard from publishers that if they get a proof for self improvement genre, it gets proof read faster than fiction. That only means one thing - that most people have been forced to believe that we are not "good" or "great" as we are and we're in need of self improvement in some aspect. I think, we all are made to need self improvement so that someone's bank balance improves. It's amazing how a billion people have been sold the concept that we are not great as we are. We either need to be thinner or richer or more beautiful or more well dressed or we need to fly more or run more or trek more or be more efficient. We have so many lists. 100 most powerful people. 7 habits of highly effective people. 10 new year resolutions for the year. 50 most productive habits. I have myself read some of Robin Sharma's tips this year to "be a better you" or something like that. At one layer it helps. It helps us focus and do things and declutter ourselves. But at another layer - all this media feed creates a sense of void, a sense of under achievement, a sense of failure within ourselves. How can a billion people need self improvement? That too in specific areas? This idea needs to be rethought. Have you ever read the new year resolution lists (for us) published by newspapers every year? It's the same 5-6 things. So, a billion people aspire for the same 5 things? Yes, health is important, I agree but what is my definition of health versus your definition of health?

Is this the truth? That most of us are in need of self improvement and we are "told" what paths we can improve on? What if one feels content the way they are - does that mean a lack of progress? Can one not make progress while being contented with the way they are? I have hardly seen someone who feels content. They're all doing great at their jobs but there is a lack of joy and contentment. They are pissed with the bosses or the work or lack of work life balance or fear of job cuts.

I think, man - moves from one addiction to another - over thinking to over eating, over eating to over exercising, over exercising to over working, over working to over TV watching, over TV watching to over gaming, over gaming to over chatting - and all these "over" syndromes qualify as progress. We "over" do so that we never have to face the reality. We busy ourselves in order to never have to "kill time". What we do to busy ourselves, may not contribute to our well being at all. We work so hard to make a "thing" out of a living entity because the busy "thing" doesn't feel many things as it's always on the move and busy. It's numbed into thinking that all is well and we're successful. The living thing - is tortured by his thoughts every minute - feeling lonely, powerless, isolated, under achieving, fearing failure, fearing loss of acceptance in society, fearing loss of job security, fearing loss of his sanity. All the tortures that the "living" entity has to endure coupled with a lack of immense courage and faith and love and compassion from society, forces most of us to conform - to leading "busy" lives so that we can escape our own thoughts. We want to run so fast that our thoughts can never catch up to trouble us. We fill our life with gadgets and books and DVDs so that our thoughts have no space to enter the cluttered rooms of our home and head. And why exactly are these thoughts torturous? Because we have been deprived of our free will by a carefully planned system of schooling, families, societies and communities and high profile jobs. Not to forget the media which constantly gives you "7 habits of most successful people", or "100 most powerful people" or the 1000s of self-improvement books that come out each year.

How is one forced to accept that he has to improve and is not good just the way he is? When did this concept start? When did man get led to believe that he is supposed to do X or Y? How come our societies are so formed to reinforce the same things? How come a majority of people are still "masses"? How come we have created a non-thinking population? Do any of us stop to think whether what we're doing is the right or best thing we could do?

We desire to do something but our desires will not fetch a fair exchange value to lead a comfortable life. So, we trade our desires for our talents or for the standard work choices so that we can lead a comfortable life. Once in a while when our true "desires" nag us, we can always apologise or run away (we're all gold medal winners when it comes to running away from our deepest demons). The society pushes us to earn prestigious degrees, work at prestigious places and live in a prestigious neighbourhood, because otherwise, we will not be respected. We lose our place in the society. We lose face. Our parents will be ashamed of us if we're any less. All of this is too much for a normal living entity to take. If you don't follow the set pattern:
a) You lose your prestige.
b) You lose your livelihood. One who follows his passions and art usually has a tormented bank balance.
c) You have to live with your own dark demons which create self-doubt, anxiety, panic and loss of self esteem. What if you were wrong? What if you had just conformed? What if you fail? The what ifs are powerful than most nuclear bombs.

For these perfectly acceptable reasons, we choose to conform to society's definitions of acceptable livelihoods and living patterns, have the support of unions and society and lead a safe life and become a "thing".

Most of us are numbed and dumbed to not think. To not think why we live in so much anxiety and fear. Why our lives are a constant struggle. Why we have these endless fears and insecurities. Why do we have to be highly productive? Are we machines? Do our jobs help us grow as people? Do we have happy jobs? Do we know ourselves? Is there a new social order that can be set up - which teaches us to be courageous and optimistic; in which failure is not ridicule; in which we are not racing against anyone; in which education is the foundation for a thinking human; in which schooling helps us unravel our talents and not savage our curiosity for the world; where the world is a safe place to live; where loving others is considered an essential quality for one's existence; where virtues are rewarded; where no one has to compete with another except in sports; where it's acceptable to have free time; where everyone's highest goal is the development and well being of the community; where we are encouraged to follow our passions and not just earn livelihoods; where every individual's uniqueness is appreciated and we're encouraged to be our true selves without masks; Is such a society possible?
It may not be the most financially stable society but will it be a happier society?

=================== Nice quotes =======================================


Things will never be perfect in life. Better not to expect perfection. I am not perfect; I will never be, and I don’t expect that.

“Let your mind start a journey through a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be. Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.”
― Erich Fromm

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/motivate-yourself-without-pushing-yourself-tips-for-self-compassion/
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-pushing-the-art-of-relaxed-achievement/
http://www.sonoma.edu/users/d/daniels/frommnotes.html
http://www.buddhanet.net/lifeand.htm

"Little effort has been made to study the feasibility of entirely new social models and experiment with them."

"Let us consider the way in which we spend our lives. This world is a place of business. What an infinite bustle! . . . I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself, than this incessant business.. . . If a man walk in the woods for love of them for half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer; but if he spends his whole day as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making earth bald before her time, he is esteemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.. . .  "- Thoureau

After the industrial revolution began, "work, instead of being an activity satisfying in itself and pleasurable, became a duty and obsession. The more it was possible to gain riches by work, the more it became a pure means to the aim of wealth and success." For most ordinary people, work became "nothing but forced labor."

Schweitzer was a radical critic of industrial society. He debunked its myth of progress and general happiness and noted the degree of misery in which many people live. The only meaningful activity, he maintained, is activity of giving and caring for fellow creatures.

Schweitzer insists that our task is "not to retire into an atmosphere of spiritual egotism, remote from the affairs of the world, but to lead an active life in which one tries to contribute to the spiritual perfection of society. He concludes that our present cultural and social structure is driving us toward a catastrophe from which only a new Renaissance "much greater than the old one will arise." He emphasizes that we must, each of us, become thinking human beings.

Moving on....

Very apt poster for today. Yes, every single day, we're born as new persons. We try our best to be better version of ourselves. There are times when you're lonely, when your professional life is in chaos or you're fighting some personal issues. These patches can suck all your energy and positivity. But, life goes in cycles.. in sometime you get refreshed...the pain heals.. the dark clouds move on...life seems a little more brighter...Life goes on.. like the universe.. it continues till the graveyard.


To me, everyday is a chance to better myself. To give more of myself to others. To make someone's life a bit more happier.
But, what I don't like is - some people who leave without saying goodbyes. We're all so careful to say "proper" goodbyes at work, because we're opportunists. We don't care that much for personal relations. It's perfectly ok that my old friends and I are quite incompatible now. We're grown apart as individuals. But that doesn't mean that we should hate each other. We should remember the good times but never try to recreate them again. We should accept that we've changed. We should say proper byes and move on. I always remember Life of Pi.. the scene when Pi is disheartened when Richard Parker goes into the jungle without saying goodbye. It matters that much.. to say our goodbyes. I wish some people said proper goodbyes and clarified things.

 

Impermanence

In a world which is changing and changing, isn't it stupid for us to look for security?

Blank days!

Many days, of late, are blank days.
I can neither read a lot...
do a lot..
or think a lot.

So, when you take these 3 faculties out of a person - what you get is - a boring person.
Someone who has lost a sense of happiness.
So, I am become this super boring person. I know that some hi-fi alchemy is going on inside.
But truly "God only knows" what :-)
I just seem to have lost whatever abilities I had.. The ability to be happy with silly things....
So, only thing I can do is, if I can helps someone around me stay happy, I will help them..
I donno when this cycle will end. To think that I have self created this life.. is ever more depressing :-)

I could have been a little more imaginative...more wild...more hippie in my imagination :-)
I could have painted a vivid, vibrant, livelier place.

Interesting posts of reincarnation, karma and suffering

http://new-visions.com/past-life-regression
http://www.masteringourselves.com/articles/karma-and-prebirth-contracts.html

Lovely art

http://elitedaily.com/envision/artist-turns-the-mundane-into-the-beautiful-by-drawing-on-photos-of-ordinary-places/

http://elitedaily.com/envision/artist-created-12-insane-pairs-heels-12-ex-girlfriends-photos-2/

Interesting pages - businesses and creativity

http://tattly.com/pages/about

Hope, despair and grace

This is a 4 part story of a brave woman.
http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2012/02/29/amazing-grace-my-story-part-1/

She has gone through hell.
I was already thinking of a few things along what she said.
1) Some people come to our lives to either teach us good things or to teach us a lesson.
    Then they are automatically removed from our lives also, when not required.
2) Each trial that you face, is for you to learn a lesson. You can recognize and acknowledge the problem and try to deal with it as best as you can. You have 2 choices. You can get depressed and negative and go downhill or be positive, gather all the help you can and move up. When you move up you solve the problem. When you go down, you avoid the problem and sink deep. Maybe you are allowed to go to a certain depth, to still allow you to recover but if you do not display the willingness to come up, you're pulled out of the situation but the problem remains unsolved.
So, always choose the intelligent path - of understanding the problem, plan a way out, seek for help and get out. Stay positive.
3) You can always quit the things/ situations you don't like. You don't have to stay and endure bad things. Accept. Quit. Re-strategise. Don't lose everything and sink. Manage to save back something.