Habits.. changes

I've personally wrestled a lot with changing myself - certain behaviour - bringing better ones.
Change is always difficult but unless we change, life remains stagnant.

There is no transformation. Every day starts to look the same.
But when we bring in changes, we notice freshness. We anticipate life.

I have heard about Charles Duhigg from R. I read up a bit and it sounded neat.
Then came Ms Gretchen's whole book - Better than before.
So, yesterday I read a little more about habits.
I keep reminding myself about a few key points. I try to bring in changes but they do not stick long.
This time around I want to make positive changes. Else I'm done.
So, I scoured the internet for some tips. Why is it so hard to change?

The road to failure is paved with good intentions.

I read about the success of implementation intentions (http://jamesclear.com/implementation-intentions),
http://jamesclear.com/three-steps-habit-change
http://www.success.com/article/tiny-habits

Important things:

1) Pick things that are easy. Make it so simple that you will definitely do it. You should arrange the world around you to make your new habit easy to do.
Simplicity changes behavior.
2) Easy means, you do not depend on motivation. Well, motivation is not very reliable, going up and down, often unpredictably. And it often takes a lot of work to sustain motivation. In the end, I’ve concluded that relying on motivation to create a habit doesn’t work. 
3) Tiny Habits are designed to be on a schedule -- they come after an existing habit. This existing habit should be something you always do, or it’s a cue that always happens in your daily life. I call the existing habit or cue an “anchor.” In my method, you use your existing anchor to trigger the new tiny behavior you want. 

4) You need to celebrate your success.

Because you are reinforcing yourself.

The stronger you feel a positive emotion after your Tiny Habit, the faster it will become automatic in your life. “Our brains are very bad at distinguishing between I did this huge thing and I’m feeling awesome about it and I did this tiny thing and I’m still feeling awesome about it,” Fogg says. “Somehow in our heads we exaggerate, which is a good thing. That’s part of the hack—building success momentum, allowing yourself to feel successful, allowing that success to be larger than it rationally should be, then growing and leveraging that attitude into bigger things.”

5) It’s important that you not feel pain when you do your new habit.

Because if you feel pain, your brain will find ways to avoid the behavior in the future. In contrast, if you feel happy after you do the behavior, then your brain will remind you to do it again in the future.
We avoid pain and we seek pleasure.

6) Perhaps more helpful than the tiny habits themselves is the success momentum they build. There’s a snowball effect: When you achieve a goal by integrating simple daily habits into your life, no matter how small, you gain a confidence that helps pave the way to reach bigger goals. The success momentum you gain from creating positive habits is the method’s secret sauce.

Every time a company convinces you to try its new health platform and you don’t succeed, you come back worse. The only way to make behavior changes that actually work is through tiny steps, performed patiently and methodically.

“When you [create a habit], you’re signaling to yourself, Yes! I can change my behavior. I’m doing it right now! You’re telling yourself this at least once a day. Just have patience, keep going and don’t give up.”

“I think every good business is about helping people do what they already want to do,” Fogg says. “That’s what we’re figuring out: What do people want to do and how do we make it simple for them to do it? That’s one of the things I teach a lot now to my students—help people do what they already want to do.”

Somehow I had realized a few of these myself over the last 2 years. Things should be so easy that you can not not do it. 

Also, don't pick things that u can fail in, coz success triggers more success - testosterone effect.

But didn't know that even small success counts so big-ly.

And..  I was always punishing myself for not being inspired and motivated.

No, no one.. not even the greatest artists got through 365 days with just motivation. They relied on habits. We need to automate some part of our work. When we've spent like 10000 hours, lightning strikes, even with automated work!.

Managing our emotions is key. Emotional resilience is extremely important to us sensitive souls.

We should, to start with, avoid any suckers.. avoid paths of failures.. avoid difficult people, till we become strong. No point falling before the 10th step, right? Though not a good formula, this is all we've got. We want to maximise success. If all we want to so is build emotional resilience then we could get the most difficult people every day.. but if that is not the end goal, save some heartache..choose a path which has least resistance.. which offers better prospects of success. 

 

 

The cost of unhappiness

Many have put a tag on happiness but we miss how much we pay for being unhappy.

I was just tracking how we'd spent money over the last 10-12 years.
What were the major expenses. Ofcourse we'd gotten married and a lot of the cost we bore ourselves.
We furnished the house. Then we constructed a house - the interiors, etc cost us.
In between I was down with cancer and we had quite a lot of expense that time.
Illness is something that we can do nothing about.. but there are some things..which are strange.
In between all this.. we had spent quite some money on my in-laws.
They're always at war. Yearly we do one trip and they come here once. When they come we take them some place, do their medical etc. Usually it comes to 75K per trip atleast.

There was a time when we both were jobless - just after Ciel Pur and we had no money and at that time they both fought so much and my father in law threatened to commit suicide.
Thrice in a row my husband spent so much money going to Assam. It was a taxing time for us.
So much money on something totally avoidable!. Cost of unhappiness.


These incidents happen quite frequently at their place.
My co-sister and even brother in law have probably slipped into depression due to the 2 parents.
I don't mean to insult or denigrate them. That is not the point.

The point is - how much pressure - financially and mentally they put on those who stay with them and take care of them. The maid will always be overburdened with chores.. even till 11 PM.
If something is missing (which will usually be right in the table) there will be a huge hullaboo.
If the maid doesn't turn up there will be a hundred phone calls to all the children. It would be national news. When they have to go somewhere, people around should do so much.
When we take them out, it's many a times unpleasant for me, because I have to become the nurse.
You need to carry safe food for them.. tea bags, sugar, kettle,etc.
When you're planning to have a romantic time they will shout for tea or for blankets.
They are totally dependent on others now. Sometimes they do quite a bit of work but many a times the burden falls on people around. It would be acceptable if the people concerned are really old and helpless but in our case it's unhappy people...people who have psychological problems... who have made life terrible for themselves and those around.

I am sure many such cases or rather worse cases exist.
The point is, there is a huge cost to being unhappy. Both to yourself and to others.
Unhappy people cannot do a lot of work.
They do not empathise with others. They are lost in their own worries. They have no time for others.
So, when people call you up - you end up worrying them and slowly people stop calling. Who'd love to hear unhappy voices all the time? They won't even enquire after you. It's all about them - always.
They demand unusual things to make themselves happy. They fail to see how much taxing it is for those around.. their eternal demands and requests. They demand attention all the time and that is fatiguing for anyone.
Since they are in psychological pain it will manifest physically as well. So they need constant medical care. They may have to visit the doctor multiple times. The tests will all show up normal but the person is still in pain so the doctor can do nothing.

I have seen unhappy moms, unhappy wives. They suffer and their suffering affects others as well. They beat the children, they scold them unnecessarily, they restrict the child's actions a lot.
They get irritated with the spouse. They complain too much.

I hardly remember good times at home. There were so many rules and we were beaten up so often. When parents have stressful days they take it out on children. If they're unhappy with each other they take it out on children. I don't have any beautiful memories of childhood at all. I am ashamed to say that but yes, we were hardly given the right emotional care. My parents were fighting for survival. Doing jobs and running the house, supporting a huge family. I don't remember kind words or desires being fulfilled. I don't remember happy holidays. It would always be rushed and always about saving money. I don't remember thoughtful gifts. I don't remember being introduced to books or hobbies. I don't remember our birthdays being celebrated. I don't remember a party when I scored well in 10th and 12th or when I got a job. I don't know how I grew up. I hardly had good friends. In college I had a few friends. But they were not deep bonds. Many were broken.

There is a huge cost to being unhappy. We poison our bodies. We poison our minds.
It's not easy to be happy always and I myself have been depressed for more than 6 years.
I know how hard it is. But the least one can do is, have a perspective.
Accept that you're sad but still try to do the right things. Don't stop caring for others.
Don't take everyone around for granted. They may be fighting their battles... don't drain them with yours all the time.

We stop being kind when we're unhappy. We stop caring for others and we distance people.
We will stop receiving the support that we so badly need.

So, it's very important to keep an inventory of our emotions.
It's ok to be sad; It's ok to be unhappy; But its not ok to be unkind and uncaring.
It's not ok to be an unnecessary burden on others.
Life should be pleasant.

Life's challenges

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.”— Bernice Johnson Reagon

You've got mail

If you're like me, you'd go crazy when you see "If I knew your name and address, I'd send you a box of newly sharpened pencils".

How crazy is that? Isn't it?

Small things in life.

You've got mail is one of my all time favourite english movies. Let me warn you here.. It's not like watched hundreds of english movies. Maybe the total count would be less than 50.
So, within that I loved this one.

Its a perfect blend of literature, culture, romance and sarcasm.
The way they take a dig at impersonal superstores and starbucks clients.

It's no surprise that the movie was written by 2 women!.

There are plenty of cute songs all along and this one is really cute.
It helps you hope and dream.
It's perfect for me - just the right dose of seriousness and the right dose of love.
The last 2 days this movie's made me smile so much!

Thank you Nora.

Ooo ooo ooo
Ooo ooo ooo

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly, over the rainbow
Oh why, oh why can't I?

Well, I see
Trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Well I see,
Skies of blue and clouds of white,
And the brightness of day, I like the dark
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I... I love you.

I hear babies cry and I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

Oh someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Oh somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
and the dreams that you dare to
Why, oh why can't I, I?

Ooo ooo ooo
Ooo ooo ooo
Ooo, ah ah

Avoid these three MUSTs and lead a rational life

The three MUSTs to avoid.
http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/musts.html

Wonderful article that explains why many of us are depressed. Totally agree to most points.

REBT Network

The Three Majors Musts

We all express ourselves differently, but the irrational beliefs that upset us can be placed under three major headings. Each of these core beliefs contains an absolutistic must or demand. These three majors musts can be summarized as follows:

I.       I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good.

1. Summary
   1. Inflexible
   2. Places unrealistic expectations on oneself
   3. Over-concern with others' opinion of oneself
   4. Self-worth measured by achievement and popularity
   5. Non-self-accepting
2. Sub-beliefs
   1. I must have love and approval from everybody.
      1. I need someone to love me.
      2. I must not do anything that would cause others to think less of me.
   2. I must be competent and successful.
      1. I must have an important skill or talent.
   3. I must successfully avoid unpleasant or undesirable situations.
      1. Unpleasant and undesirable situations upset me.
         1. I can't control my emotions in difficult situations.
   4. I must avoid dangerous or life-threatening situations.
      1. If I do encounter such situations, I must worry about them to make them go away.
   5. I must think, feel and act the same as I always have.
      1. My past has such a strong influence on me that I cannot change.
   6. I must find order, certainty, and predictability in life.
      1. If I don't find these things, I cannot feel comfortable or act competently.
   7. I must depend on other people because I can't depend on myself.
      1. I must rely on superstition and religion especially in difficult times.
   8. I must understand the secrets of the universe.
      1. I cannot be happy unless I understand the nature and secrets of the universe.
   9. I must rate myself as either "good" and "worthy," or "bad" and "worthless."
      1. To be "good," and "worthy," I must be competent, successful and popular.
      2. If I am not competent, successful or popular then I am "bad" and "worthless."
   10. I must never feel depressed, anxious or enraged.
3. Emotional Consequences
   1. Depression
   2. Anxiety and/or panic
   3. Self Downing
4. Behavioral Consequences
   1. Risk-avoidance
   2. Shyness
   3. Procrastination
   4. Unassertiveness
   5. Workaholism

II.     Other people must do "the right thing" or else they are no good and deserve to be punished.

1. Summary
   1. Inflexible and unrealistic
   2. Assumes one's authority over others
   3. Assumes a clear-cut difference between right and wrong
   4. Assumes one's ability to inerrantly differentiate between right and wrong
   5. Places oneself at the center of the universe with others catering to one's needs and wants
   6. Leads to conflict with others who also see themselves as the center of the universe
   7. Non-accepting of human fallibility
2. Sub-beliefs
   1. Everybody should treat everyone else (especially me) in a fair and considerate manner.
      1. If they act unfairly or inconsiderately, they are no good.
      2. If they act unfairly or inconsiderately, they deserve to be punished.
         1. Society or the universe must ensure that they get the punishment they deserve.
   2. Other people must not act incompetently or unwisely.
      1. If they act incompetently or unwisely, they are worthless idiots.
      2. If they act incompetently or unwisely, they should be ashamed of themselves.
      3. If they act incompetently or unwisely, they should expect none of the good things in life.
   3. Talented people must use their talent.
      1. Everyone must reach their potential.
      2. People who don't live up to their potential have little or no value as human beings.
   4. Other people must not criticize me.
      1. If they unjustly criticize me, they are no good and don't deserve anything good to happen to them.
3. Emotional Consequences
   1. Anger, rage or fury
   2. Impatience
   3. Bitterness
   4. Resentment
4. Behavioral Consequences
   1. Aggression and violence
   2. Bigotry and intolerance
   3. Bullying
   4. Nagging

III.   Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.

1. Summary
   1. Inflexible and unrealistic
   2. Over-estimates one's right to a trouble-free life
   3. Under-estimates one's ability to cope with adversity
   4. Non-accepting of life's vagaries
2. Sub-beliefs
   1. Things must go the way I want them to go.
      1. I need what I want.
         1. It's awful if I don't get what I want.
   2. I must constantly worry about life's predicaments.
      1. I must control, avoid or change life's predicaments.
      2. I must make myself upset over life's predicaments.
         1. Making myself upset gives me the power to control, avoid or change life's predicaments.
   3. I must avoid, rather than face and deal with, life's difficulties and responsibilities.
      1. I must not be inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.
      2. I cannot discipline myself.
      3. I can't stand the present pain that is necessary for future gain.
   4. It must be easy to change things that I don't like.
      1. Difficulties must not exist.
      2. I am powerless to change my circumstances.
         1. Any effort to change my circumstances is pointless because it is doomed to fail.
   5. Justice, fairness, equality, democracy and other "right" values must prevail.
      1. I can't stand it when my values are trodden on.
   6. All problems must have a perfect solution.
      1. The perfect solution to all problems must be found.
         1. It's awful if a perfect solution can't be found to my problems (or those of people I care about).
   7. I must not die prematurely.
      1. I should be able to live forever.
      2. It's terrible that I will one day die and no longer exist.
      3. It's terrible that people I love will one day die and no longer exist.
   8. My life must have meaning and purpose.
      1. a.     If I can't create meaning or purpose for myself, the universe or something supernatural must provide it for me.
   9. I must not experience depression, rage or anxiety.
      1. I must not have psychological problems.
         1. I must not be institutionalized.
         2. I couldn't stand to be institutionalized.
         3. I could never recover if I went "crazy."
3. Emotional Consequences
   1. Low frustration tolerance
   2. Self-pity
   3. Depression
   4. Discomfort anxiety
4. Behavioral Consequences
   1. Procrastination
   2. Shirking
   3. Drug and alcohol abuse
   4. Overindulgence in "feel good" behaviors (e.g., overeating)

About The Author:

Will Ross — is the webmaster and co-founder of REBTnetwork.org; he tutors REBT self-helpers and is the author and publisher of online REBT self-help materials.

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This candid autobiography, the last work by renowned psychologist Albert Ellis, is a tour de force of stimulating ideas, colorful descriptions of memorable people and events, and straightforward, no-nonsense talk. Ellis, the creator of one of the most successful forms of psychotherapy-Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)-recounts the memorable episodes of his life; discusses how he coped with emotional problems at different stages of life; describes his love life; and subjects his own self-description to a ruthlessly honest critique. Click here to buy the book.
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Research findings on social status

We all want high social status: study

Not everyone may care about having an impressive job title or a big, fancy house but all human beings desire a high level of social status, according to a newly published study.

For decades, researchers have argued both sides of the question: is it human nature to want high standing in one's social circle, profession, or society in general?
Prof. Cameron Anderson sought to settle the debate. In "Is the desire for status a fundamental human motive? A review of the empirical literature" (Psychological Bulletin, Vol 141(3), May 2015), Anderson and Berkeley-Haas Ph.D. candidates John Angus D. Hildreth and Laura Howland conducted an extensive review of hundreds of studies using a common set of criteria. They found that, yes, status is something that all people crave and covet - even if they don't realize it.
"I usually study the sexy angle of power and confidence but with this one, it's about everyone. Everyone cares about status whether they're aware of it or not," says Anderson.
Anderson is a professor of management and the Lorraine Tyson Mitchell Chair in Leadership & Communications II at UC Berkeley's Haas School of Business. He says status is considered universally important because it influences how people think and behave.
"Establishing that desire for status is a fundamental human motive matters because status differences can be demoralizing," says Anderson. "Whenever you don't feel valued by others it hurts, and the lack of status hurts more people than we think."
Some theorists have argued that wanting status is an innate desire for reputation or prestige. On the other end of the spectrum, scholars cast doubt on the notion that status plays an important role in one's psychological well-being or self-esteem. Anderson and his team researched a wide range of studies dating back more than 70 years. First, they defined and conceptualized status to "distinguish it from related constructs such as power and financial success." They defined status as comprising three components: respect or admiration; voluntary deference by others; and social value. Social value (also known as prestige) is bestowed upon individuals whose advice is sought by others. Prestige can also be measured by how much others defer to an individual.

Next, the researchers studied the previous literature that defines what it takes for a motive to be fundamental and innate to people. Four areas of criteria determined whether the desire for status is fundamental.
1. Well-Being and Health - the attainment of status must contribute to long-term psychological and physical health.
2. Activities - if the desire for status is fundamental, it must drive goal-oriented behavior aimed at attaining and maintaining status, drive a preference for select social environments, and drive people to react strongly when others perceive them as lacking status.
3. Status for Status' Sake - the desire for status is only that; the motivation for status is not dependent on other motives
4. Universality - the desire for status must operate and extend over many types of cultures, genders, ages, and personalities.
The strongest test of the hypothesis is whether the possession of low status negatively impacts health. The studies reviewed showed that people who had low status in their communities, peer groups, or in their workplaces suffer more from depression, chronic anxiety, and even cardiovascular disease. Individuals who fall lower on the status hierarchy, or what the authors call the "community ladder," feel less respected and valued and more ignored by others.
Anderson hopes the study's results influence future research including but not limited to management literature. "The desire for status can drive all kinds of actions, ranging from aggression and violence, to altruism and generosity, to conservation behavior that benefits the environment. The more we understand this basic driver, the more we can harness it to guide people's decisions and actions to more productive paths."

Fear

http://www.ishafoundation.org/blog/video/troubled-fear-just-change-channel/

What fear does is it puts boundaries around you. It is because of fear that you build boundaries all the time. If you put boundaries and restrict the area of your life, you may be safe but the problem is you are safe even from life. You are protected from life itself. That’s real protection!

You must decide whether you have come here to experience life or to avoid life. If you have come to experience life, one thing that is needed is intensity. If you do not have intensity you will experience a meager life. The moment you use fear as a tool to protect yourself, your intensity will go down. Once it goes down, your ability to experience life is gone. You become a psychological case. What happens in your mind is all there will be. You will never experience anything fantastic and ecstatic because when you are fearful, you will not have a sense of abandon. You can’t sing, you can’t dance, you can’t laugh, you can’t cry, you can’t do anything that is life. You can only sit here and grieve about life and all the risks of life.
What the hell can happen after all? At the most you will die, nothing more. 
There is really no security with life. It is just a question of how gracefully and with how much freedom you lived this life. If you have lived, it will be worth dying.


http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=973&chid=677 

It is absolutely essential that one should understand, not only the superficial layers of oneself, but the total entity, all the hidden parts. In understanding together this whole problem we shall be able actually, not theoretically, to see if through self-knowledge the mind can go beyond its own conditioning, its own habits, its own prejudices and so on.

What does that fear do to the mind, the mind which has created these fears? 
In talking over what fear does and becoming conscious of it, aware of it, it might be possible to go beyond it.

We usually know fear as something which happened in the past, which remains as a memory, and that memory says, these are the effects of it.
The past tells me the effects of it therefore it is something remembered and something of the past and therefore not real.
Whereas knowing implies non-accumulative recognition or seeing - not recognition - seeing the fact. 

Which is it you are doing? Watching it with a memory of the past? Are you watching it without that memory, watching, learning about what is actually taking place when there is fear?

When you have had fears in the past and when you are aware of those fears in the past, what effects those fears had on you and on your environment - what happened? Weren't you cut off from others? Weren't the effect of those fears isolating you?  It crippled you, isolated you, cut you off. It made you feel desperate, you didn't know what to do. Right? Now, when there was this isolation what happened to action? the effects of those fears was to isolate me, was to separate me, to cripple me, to make me feel anxious, desperate, a feeling of running away, seeking comfort from something or other - all that we'll call for the moment isolating myself from all relationship. Didn't this happen to you when you are frightened? You didn't know what to do, ran away from it, or tried to suppress it? Reason it away? And when you had to act you were acting from a fear which is in itself isolating? No? So an action born out of that fear must be fragmentary. Right? Fragmentary being contradictory, therefore in that there was a great deal of struggle, pain, anxiety.

The moment it is a conditioned response there is fear involved in it and that is transmitted to the animal; but if it is intelligence - must I go into it, personally it's not important. I have faced a tiger - well, never mind - leave all that alone. So you find out for yourself what is operating. If it is fear then its action is incomplete and therefore there is a danger from the animal, but the action of intelligence is entirely different. There is no fear at all.

The action of fear and the effects of fear and its action, based on the past memories, such actions are destructive, contradictory, paralysing. Thought, as response of memory and projecting fear out of that memory, such action is entirely different than the memory which guides you home. If those fears are the projection of thought as the response of memory, then your action will be incomplete and therefore painful.

The mind is holding on to some memory. I am attached to a piece of furniture. I am attached to what I am writing because through writing I'll become very famous. I am attached: attached to a name, to a family, to a house, to a belief, to various memories and so on and so on - attached, bound, identified myself with that. So I am attached, which means what? I am dependent on you. I am dependent on the furniture, in being attached to the furniture, to the belief, to the book, to the family, to the wife. I am depending. Right? To give me comfort, to give me prestige, to give me social position, to give me this and that and that. So dependence is a form of attachment.

'I depend on something because I am lonely'. I depend on something because that something fills my emptiness. I depend on knowledge, books, because that covers my emptiness, my shallowness, my stupidity - so knowledge becomes extraordinarily important. I'm an artist, I talk about pictures and the beauty of pictures because in myself I depend on that. So dependence indicates my emptiness, my loneliness, my insufficiency and that makes me depend on you. Right? That is a fact isn't it? Don't theorise, don't argue, don't say - it is so. If I am not empty, if I am not insufficient, I wouldn't care what you say or do. I wouldn't depend on anything. Because I am empty, lonely, I don't know what to do with my life. I write a stupid book and that fills my vanity.

'I depend on something because I am lonely'. I depend on something because that something fills my emptiness. I depend on knowledge, books, because that covers my emptiness, my shallowness, my stupidity - so knowledge becomes extraordinarily important. I'm an artist, I talk about pictures and the beauty of pictures because in myself I depend on that. So dependence indicates my emptiness, my loneliness, my insufficiency and that makes me depend on you. Right? That is a fact isn't it? Don't theorise, don't argue, don't say - it is so. If I am not empty, if I am not insufficient, I wouldn't care what you say or do. I wouldn't depend on anything. Because I am empty, lonely, I don't know what to do with my life. I write a stupid book and that fills my vanity. so I see fear arises because I don't know what to do with my emptiness.

Which means becoming aware of that emptiness is there fear involved in it? Or you are you merely empty? Merely see the fact that you are lonely.

Before I was attached and I covered up my fear. Now by asking that question I'm attached, I discover it was an escape, this attachment, escape from fear which came into being when I was aware for a split second of my emptiness. Now I won't run away any more because I have finished with running away - then what takes place?

After that split second there is another escape, which means you don't see the futility of escapes. Right? Therefore, don't see it, keep on escaping.

If you are watching very carefully, what generally takes place is, who is aware of this emptiness. Right? No? Who is aware of this emptiness? A part of the mind - please listen - a part of the mind aware of another part which is lonely? If it is, then there is a division between emptiness and the thing that is aware that it is empty, then what takes place in that emptiness - in that division? I can't do anything about it. And I say I must bring it together, I must experience this emptiness, I must act. So as long as there is a division between the observer and the observed there is a contradiction and therefore there is a conflict.

It's another thought. When you say, 'I am aware of my emptiness' it is another form of escape. And we are caught in a network of escapes. And that's our life. Let me finish. So if you realise that it's an escape, as attachment is an escape, then you drop that escape. Right? Are you going - please listen - are you going from one escape after another? Or do you see one factor of escape and therefore your have understood all the factors of escape?

http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=973&chid=677

Awesome article on survivorship bias by David Mc Raney

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2013/05/23/survivorship-bias/

You were not born a tabula rasa

When you are born, the mind is not a mere tabula rasa or blank tablet. It is a storehouse of samskaras, predispositions, predilections, etc. A child is born with his individual samskaras, with his past experiences transmuted into mental and moral tendencies and powers. The mind evolves through the impressions received from the universe through the senses. It will take many lifetimes till it gathers the complete experience of the world. Every person is born with his inherent samskaras which are embedded, lodged or imprinted in the chitta, which is the seat for prarabdha or past karma. In earthly life, one gains many more samskaras or experiences through actions, and these are added to the original store and become the future sanchita karmas (accumulated actions).
All samskaras lie dormant in the chitta as latent activities, not only of this life but of all previous lives. The samskaras of one’s animal lives, a kingly life, a peasant’s life, are all hidden in the chitta. In each life, only those samskaras which are appropriate to that particular type of birth will operate and come to play. The other samskaras will remain concealed and dormant. As a merchant closing the year’s ledger and opening a new one does not enter in the new book all the items of the old, but only its balances, so does the spirit hand over to the new brain its judgement on the experiences of a life that is closed, the conclusions to which it has come, the decisions at which it has arrived. This is the stock handed over to the new life, the mental furniture for the new dwelling, a real memory.

From yogamag.com