Many have put a tag on happiness but we miss how much we pay for being unhappy.
I was just tracking how we'd spent money over the last 10-12 years.
What were the major expenses. Ofcourse we'd gotten married and a lot of the cost we bore ourselves.
We furnished the house. Then we constructed a house - the interiors, etc cost us.
In between I was down with cancer and we had quite a lot of expense that time.
Illness is something that we can do nothing about.. but there are some things..which are strange.
In between all this.. we had spent quite some money on my in-laws.
They're always at war. Yearly we do one trip and they come here once. When they come we take them some place, do their medical etc. Usually it comes to 75K per trip atleast.
There was a time when we both were jobless - just after Ciel Pur and we had no money and at that time they both fought so much and my father in law threatened to commit suicide.
Thrice in a row my husband spent so much money going to Assam. It was a taxing time for us.
So much money on something totally avoidable!. Cost of unhappiness.
These incidents happen quite frequently at their place.
My co-sister and even brother in law have probably slipped into depression due to the 2 parents.
I don't mean to insult or denigrate them. That is not the point.
The point is - how much pressure - financially and mentally they put on those who stay with them and take care of them. The maid will always be overburdened with chores.. even till 11 PM.
If something is missing (which will usually be right in the table) there will be a huge hullaboo.
If the maid doesn't turn up there will be a hundred phone calls to all the children. It would be national news. When they have to go somewhere, people around should do so much.
When we take them out, it's many a times unpleasant for me, because I have to become the nurse.
You need to carry safe food for them.. tea bags, sugar, kettle,etc.
When you're planning to have a romantic time they will shout for tea or for blankets.
They are totally dependent on others now. Sometimes they do quite a bit of work but many a times the burden falls on people around. It would be acceptable if the people concerned are really old and helpless but in our case it's unhappy people...people who have psychological problems... who have made life terrible for themselves and those around.
I am sure many such cases or rather worse cases exist.
The point is, there is a huge cost to being unhappy. Both to yourself and to others.
Unhappy people cannot do a lot of work.
They do not empathise with others. They are lost in their own worries. They have no time for others.
So, when people call you up - you end up worrying them and slowly people stop calling. Who'd love to hear unhappy voices all the time? They won't even enquire after you. It's all about them - always.
They demand unusual things to make themselves happy. They fail to see how much taxing it is for those around.. their eternal demands and requests. They demand attention all the time and that is fatiguing for anyone.
Since they are in psychological pain it will manifest physically as well. So they need constant medical care. They may have to visit the doctor multiple times. The tests will all show up normal but the person is still in pain so the doctor can do nothing.
I have seen unhappy moms, unhappy wives. They suffer and their suffering affects others as well. They beat the children, they scold them unnecessarily, they restrict the child's actions a lot.
They get irritated with the spouse. They complain too much.
I hardly remember good times at home. There were so many rules and we were beaten up so often. When parents have stressful days they take it out on children. If they're unhappy with each other they take it out on children. I don't have any beautiful memories of childhood at all. I am ashamed to say that but yes, we were hardly given the right emotional care. My parents were fighting for survival. Doing jobs and running the house, supporting a huge family. I don't remember kind words or desires being fulfilled. I don't remember happy holidays. It would always be rushed and always about saving money. I don't remember thoughtful gifts. I don't remember being introduced to books or hobbies. I don't remember our birthdays being celebrated. I don't remember a party when I scored well in 10th and 12th or when I got a job. I don't know how I grew up. I hardly had good friends. In college I had a few friends. But they were not deep bonds. Many were broken.
There is a huge cost to being unhappy. We poison our bodies. We poison our minds.
It's not easy to be happy always and I myself have been depressed for more than 6 years.
I know how hard it is. But the least one can do is, have a perspective.
Accept that you're sad but still try to do the right things. Don't stop caring for others.
Don't take everyone around for granted. They may be fighting their battles... don't drain them with yours all the time.
We stop being kind when we're unhappy. We stop caring for others and we distance people.
We will stop receiving the support that we so badly need.
So, it's very important to keep an inventory of our emotions.
It's ok to be sad; It's ok to be unhappy; But its not ok to be unkind and uncaring.
It's not ok to be an unnecessary burden on others.
Life should be pleasant.
I was just tracking how we'd spent money over the last 10-12 years.
What were the major expenses. Ofcourse we'd gotten married and a lot of the cost we bore ourselves.
We furnished the house. Then we constructed a house - the interiors, etc cost us.
In between I was down with cancer and we had quite a lot of expense that time.
Illness is something that we can do nothing about.. but there are some things..which are strange.
In between all this.. we had spent quite some money on my in-laws.
They're always at war. Yearly we do one trip and they come here once. When they come we take them some place, do their medical etc. Usually it comes to 75K per trip atleast.
There was a time when we both were jobless - just after Ciel Pur and we had no money and at that time they both fought so much and my father in law threatened to commit suicide.
Thrice in a row my husband spent so much money going to Assam. It was a taxing time for us.
So much money on something totally avoidable!. Cost of unhappiness.
These incidents happen quite frequently at their place.
My co-sister and even brother in law have probably slipped into depression due to the 2 parents.
I don't mean to insult or denigrate them. That is not the point.
The point is - how much pressure - financially and mentally they put on those who stay with them and take care of them. The maid will always be overburdened with chores.. even till 11 PM.
If something is missing (which will usually be right in the table) there will be a huge hullaboo.
If the maid doesn't turn up there will be a hundred phone calls to all the children. It would be national news. When they have to go somewhere, people around should do so much.
When we take them out, it's many a times unpleasant for me, because I have to become the nurse.
You need to carry safe food for them.. tea bags, sugar, kettle,etc.
When you're planning to have a romantic time they will shout for tea or for blankets.
They are totally dependent on others now. Sometimes they do quite a bit of work but many a times the burden falls on people around. It would be acceptable if the people concerned are really old and helpless but in our case it's unhappy people...people who have psychological problems... who have made life terrible for themselves and those around.
I am sure many such cases or rather worse cases exist.
The point is, there is a huge cost to being unhappy. Both to yourself and to others.
Unhappy people cannot do a lot of work.
They do not empathise with others. They are lost in their own worries. They have no time for others.
So, when people call you up - you end up worrying them and slowly people stop calling. Who'd love to hear unhappy voices all the time? They won't even enquire after you. It's all about them - always.
They demand unusual things to make themselves happy. They fail to see how much taxing it is for those around.. their eternal demands and requests. They demand attention all the time and that is fatiguing for anyone.
Since they are in psychological pain it will manifest physically as well. So they need constant medical care. They may have to visit the doctor multiple times. The tests will all show up normal but the person is still in pain so the doctor can do nothing.
I have seen unhappy moms, unhappy wives. They suffer and their suffering affects others as well. They beat the children, they scold them unnecessarily, they restrict the child's actions a lot.
They get irritated with the spouse. They complain too much.
I hardly remember good times at home. There were so many rules and we were beaten up so often. When parents have stressful days they take it out on children. If they're unhappy with each other they take it out on children. I don't have any beautiful memories of childhood at all. I am ashamed to say that but yes, we were hardly given the right emotional care. My parents were fighting for survival. Doing jobs and running the house, supporting a huge family. I don't remember kind words or desires being fulfilled. I don't remember happy holidays. It would always be rushed and always about saving money. I don't remember thoughtful gifts. I don't remember being introduced to books or hobbies. I don't remember our birthdays being celebrated. I don't remember a party when I scored well in 10th and 12th or when I got a job. I don't know how I grew up. I hardly had good friends. In college I had a few friends. But they were not deep bonds. Many were broken.
There is a huge cost to being unhappy. We poison our bodies. We poison our minds.
It's not easy to be happy always and I myself have been depressed for more than 6 years.
I know how hard it is. But the least one can do is, have a perspective.
Accept that you're sad but still try to do the right things. Don't stop caring for others.
Don't take everyone around for granted. They may be fighting their battles... don't drain them with yours all the time.
We stop being kind when we're unhappy. We stop caring for others and we distance people.
We will stop receiving the support that we so badly need.
So, it's very important to keep an inventory of our emotions.
It's ok to be sad; It's ok to be unhappy; But its not ok to be unkind and uncaring.
It's not ok to be an unnecessary burden on others.
Life should be pleasant.
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