High School or college Reunions - an analysis
College mate of mine blogged abt having a virtual reunion.
By her own confession, she was a khadus in college and if she calls, no one would turn up ( that was too blatantly honest but hilarious too, one which I enjoyed reading).
I read and wondered - Would I like to go?
If so, what would I expect to get from the reunion
Else, why not?...and I wanted to know what people thought about reunions in general.
So went ahead and read one blog as a sample:
I don't know what people expect. Maybe they want to show off how well they are doing or maybe to rekindle new relations or to check how they girl they dated in college looks like or talk about new businesses... A zillion reasons, as unique as each of us are, as unique as the stuff we post on FB.
These agendas are not preplanned. They reflect who we are. We end up showing our true selves. Few smart ones carry their masks at all times and we never know what face lies behind the mask. So, unknowingly people come with an agenda. When all of us are so different and have different agendas, how can we make the reunion a success? A few will go back happy.. few will end up sad.. few will have no emotions.. Lots of things can happen.. A certain maturity is required of people to make things nice at parties. You need to follow some unspoken etiquettes, which we Indians can never comprehend or follow. Have you been to weddings? All the fun of dressing and going to a wedding comes smashing with someone's rude remarks or inappropriate question.
First of all, when I go to parties, I have this uncomfortable feeling of having to be alone. You arrive alone or with your family. Sometime later friends join in and we chat about mundane things. Then we eat and leave. I feel as if it was all great, but deep in my heart, I don't think I truly liked it, which reflects in my hesitation to attend the next party which will be held in a week's time. Why?
It's hard to get people of your frequency. We all have very different worlds though they all seem similar from outside. You don't have the patience to listen to others sometimes and many people are boringly repetitive or show offy or have nothing to offer to me (read interesting topics or interesting conversations about mundane things).
I have to change my style in order to be nice to a certain section of people, so that they don't feel awkward. You may seem too accomplished or too down the ladder. You have to balance. I can't be myself - too straight forward and honest with them. I need to act as if I am very concerned about them because they have come to accept that about me and like someone being concerned about them. I need to ask how their children are and I need to fill updates about their schooling. I have to ask how their craft work is going, whether there are maid issues or nanny issues or how the driving classes are going. I have to act as if I am very interested in these things, which I am hardly interested in. End of the party, I feel drained.. drained because I was wearing a mask all the time. As much as I have vowed to be open with people I cannot end up hurting someone who expects a certain reaction from me. Initially all of us have these problems - reliable maids, hectic schedules, nanny issues, parenting issues etc. But if those things continue for years, you get sick of hearing these and to me, who does not have children, being subjected to such topics is like suicide sometimes. There is only so much one can take, in the name of being polite.
Another thing is - meeting new people. Everyone is new from the last time you met them. They've changed, haven't they? But some semblance of the past helps you track the old guy and identify with them. But with strangers, I hesitate what to ask. Once at a party, just to strike a conversation I asked a couple who moved from the US abt how they liked it here, what are the challenges they faced, etc. I had a reason to ask too. My friends who are in US want to shift and they want me to collect this info. Such impersonal questions also can invite ugly stares. The couple, after the 2nd question, seemed very uncomfortable and I realized it and moved on. Such things put me off. I cannot go to a party and sit silently. It's very awkward. I'd rather not be there than sit silently. Despite me being so courteous, humble and warm - if people react crazily, it puts me off. The sufferer is the next guy who comes and talks to me. I carry this couple's baggage to the next guy and behave differently, which is not right. But, we're humans. We do not recover from emotions so easily. This unease about how the other party is, how they will respond, what topics to start - all these drain you and all you want to do is, hit the couch.
Our parents never had such troubles in reunions (most of them). Why? Why is our generation different? For one, our lives are very fast paced - which has reduced our attention span a lot and we don't have time for anything other than what we absolutely love. Two, we are now obsessed with looking good, so that's going to put off a few people, including me. Three - Due to over exposure to things, maybe we have become a bit too cynical and less expectant of life. Many of us don't hope that some beautiful relation may get kindled at the reunion (our parents's times, I donno).
So, given all of this, we should have a reunion within a subset with whom we're comfortable with. A superset would not work well. Most will feel their time spent uselessly and go back empty handed.
That's my 2 cents. But nevertheless the idea of a reunion does sound good.
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