So, today I had a bad day. Last week I felt that some people had taken me for granted and caused me a lot of inconvenience. I think I have a linked list for such people. It brought another recent incident where despite knowing my financial and emotional state, someone came to stay at my place.
I was not happy, but I was ok with it. These were people who had taken some care for me in earlier times. We even had a nice conversation about spirituality and we exchanged a lot of info.
Suddenly when the lady started probing abt my parents and others and made me feel a little down about my financial status and the status of my in-laws, my guards went up. I became very defensive. I don't know what I said but she was very hurt. There is a high chance they will never come to my place, which is fine with me. I want to keep a distance with such people who gossip a lot and who are very negative about others. Being in such company has put me in huge danger. I have become quite cynical myself about relations. A slew of bad relations and I feel hurt and my trust has waned.
So, I had called the father, the mother and the daughter to inform abt hubby's new job. Not even one of the three called to wish him. I suddenly remembered that these people, who had called me a thousand times when they had work with me, never bothered to wish H. It felt rude. It showed their selfishness. I had been hearing time and again about their selfishness but never believed it but now I saw it first hand. I felt extremely resentful and angry. All their relations seem like transactions. Only if they have work they will call. H getting a job was a huge thing for us. No need to celebrate but if someone had been concerned at all, they would have called us to wish. I don't know why such thoughts come to my head. I have become polluted. I accept that. Earlier such thoughts would never come to my mind. Now I don't know what to do with such bad thoughts. I feel ashamed really. So, it took me a whole half a day to cool down. I understood how relations sour over time. We have so many grievances - instances when people take us for granted, when they do not respect us, when they try to cheat us, when they say hurtful words, etc. We spend a lot of time with people and those with whom we spend a lot of time, we will hurt them also. If we can love them as our own brothers and sisters and children and parents, we can forgive them. That's what I should do. I should just forgive and ask for forgiveness.
I thought of pointing it out to them, but at the insistence of divine intelligence dropped the crazy idea.
I then thought, I feel good only when I love people. I feel good when I am a nice person. I feel good when I am compassionate and forgiving. I will try hard to forgive them. That is the image I need to follow. It's an uphill struggle now. To have all these thoughts and misgivings and yet become a Buddha. Meanwhile Guruji has left a beautiful quote for me. Thanks Guruji!
Don't concern yourself with the faults of others. Use the scouring powder of wisdom to keep the rooms of your own mind bright and spotless. By your example, other persons will be inspired to do their own housecleaning.
Paramahansa Yogananda
So, in the upcoming wedding, I should put up a nice act..better still, be a nice person.
I was not happy, but I was ok with it. These were people who had taken some care for me in earlier times. We even had a nice conversation about spirituality and we exchanged a lot of info.
Suddenly when the lady started probing abt my parents and others and made me feel a little down about my financial status and the status of my in-laws, my guards went up. I became very defensive. I don't know what I said but she was very hurt. There is a high chance they will never come to my place, which is fine with me. I want to keep a distance with such people who gossip a lot and who are very negative about others. Being in such company has put me in huge danger. I have become quite cynical myself about relations. A slew of bad relations and I feel hurt and my trust has waned.
So, I had called the father, the mother and the daughter to inform abt hubby's new job. Not even one of the three called to wish him. I suddenly remembered that these people, who had called me a thousand times when they had work with me, never bothered to wish H. It felt rude. It showed their selfishness. I had been hearing time and again about their selfishness but never believed it but now I saw it first hand. I felt extremely resentful and angry. All their relations seem like transactions. Only if they have work they will call. H getting a job was a huge thing for us. No need to celebrate but if someone had been concerned at all, they would have called us to wish. I don't know why such thoughts come to my head. I have become polluted. I accept that. Earlier such thoughts would never come to my mind. Now I don't know what to do with such bad thoughts. I feel ashamed really. So, it took me a whole half a day to cool down. I understood how relations sour over time. We have so many grievances - instances when people take us for granted, when they do not respect us, when they try to cheat us, when they say hurtful words, etc. We spend a lot of time with people and those with whom we spend a lot of time, we will hurt them also. If we can love them as our own brothers and sisters and children and parents, we can forgive them. That's what I should do. I should just forgive and ask for forgiveness.
I thought of pointing it out to them, but at the insistence of divine intelligence dropped the crazy idea.
I then thought, I feel good only when I love people. I feel good when I am a nice person. I feel good when I am compassionate and forgiving. I will try hard to forgive them. That is the image I need to follow. It's an uphill struggle now. To have all these thoughts and misgivings and yet become a Buddha. Meanwhile Guruji has left a beautiful quote for me. Thanks Guruji!
Don't concern yourself with the faults of others. Use the scouring powder of wisdom to keep the rooms of your own mind bright and spotless. By your example, other persons will be inspired to do their own housecleaning.
Paramahansa Yogananda
So, in the upcoming wedding, I should put up a nice act..better still, be a nice person.
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