As humans we are all social. We like to blend in and move as a crowd. That's why you see that societies move together. The aspirations of people is very similar based on their society.
It manifests in multiple ways. We want to do what others are doing. We want to buy what others are buying.
When we are in a social gathering we want to blend in. We don't want to usually stick out.
This looks so hardwired. I am dissecting three recent situations.
a) A case when I felt odd and rather inferior for some unknown reason:
I'm a Tamilian. I come from a family where no one dresses up. We're hardworking, middle class people. So, when I go to a glamorous Assamese wedding where every second person looks like a movie star, I do feel out of place. No one purposefully embarasses me, but I look like a dark spot, a lost cloud in an unknown geography. I don't blend in. I feel odd. Without anyone making me feel so, I feel left out. I feel neglected. These could be my mind's poor and evil concoctions but it happens.
When that happens, my defences go up. I am on guard. I become a different person. I try hard to hold my head high. I am extremely conscious of the things that make me different from "them". I am no longer casual, free and humorous. I feel like a soldier on the enemy line. I am ready to fire at anyone who passes any stray, unassuming comment that hits on the point that I am trying so hard to conceal.
b) A case where I blend in, I'm one among all:
Whereas I go to my own culture's weddings and I blend in. No one dresses up. No one looks glamorous and I am there - one among all. It feels good. I feel better. I behave normally. I don't take offence when people make remarks. I am casual. This, I feel, is the best case.
Your part of the background wall. You don't stand out. You feel equal.
c) A case when you appear odd, but in a slightly superior way:
So I attend another tamil wedding. I feel normal as I blend in.
But soon I see, I am a tad well turned than most others.
I have read a lot and I know a lot of things, or so I feel.
People come to me for advice and they seem to value my opinions. It feels good.
When you feel better off than a crowd, it feels good.Now I can understand truly why people want to be one up.
It gives you a false sense of pleasure. A false sense of being better than others.
Probably even a false sense of accomplishment, pride, etc.
Probably it boosts your ego. This is why people try everything possible to be one up.
This is probably why people post endless selfies. They feel proud about how they look. They feel they look better than 99% of the population. It gives them a boost, a kick.
Better job, better house, bigger car, foreign trips, better looks, hi-fi schooling for children, designer wear..the list is endless. So, marketers have used this single tip and made god knows how much.
You make a person feel inferior. You then prescribe a formula to make them become superior. In the process, the human has gone through enormous turmoil. He's tossed around. He feels helpless. He has crowded his head with a thousand questions and at this point, you show your remedy. He's brain dead. He buys whatever shit you sell. You laugh all the way to the bank. End of story.
Then, start the same process for some other attribute of his. Endless while loop.
But - as a student of philosophy and as a moral and ethical person, is this right?
No way.
If you derive any pleasure by feeling superior, you're plain stupid.
It's your ego, asserting its importance.
The ego itself is a false entity. Who cares abt what it thinks?
I seriously wonder, do social interactions really help us or harm us more than they help?
As for me, I feel wonderful when I am alone. Nowadays I really hate being with people. I somehow talk to make others feel good. I talk about things that they like to hear. It feels like a salesman.
I end up feeling disgusted after most gatherings. I am not blaming the people. It's just that I personally have no take away. The meetings take away a lot from me.
I feel good when I don;t have to talk.. when I don;t have to meet people. When I do my own stuff.
I don't know how to totally avoid socializing, but I need to do something.
I still have 30 people whom I have to call regularly, who feel offended if I do not do so.
It takes a lot from me, simply talking on phone - being polite, being attentive, trying to be respectful and trying to show interest in what's happening in their lives when I probably am least interested in the talk. That way, I prefer mails. They are more passive, less demanding and more comforting than phone calls. I don't know how to deal with this...
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