No one said "Relations are easy". Did they?
But some are specifically difficult, where the intent is to use that relation for any other reason than love and care.
There are some people who suddenly vanish from your lives and suddenly reappear. I have no clue what goes in such people's brains. They are never there when you need someone. It's not that you're necessarily enemies. It's just the total lack of sensitivity.
It's just that the equation is skewed. It's not equal.
One thing I have realized very strongly with respect to relations is the relational operators in Computers.
<, ==, >.
Anything other than == never lasts. It has to be an equal from both sides. Else there is heartbreak.
Heartbreak doesn't necessarily mean the one that happens when two people are in love. It happens with any relation.
So, back to these annoying people who play hide and seek - while I figure what goes on with such people, I do have some strong opinion about such people.
These people just want to check their relation status with you - whether they still are there in your life or not.
Else, they use you entirely as ego boosters. They think that an entire human being exists just to satisfy their bloated egos.
Or, they don't have anyone "better" to go to, so they come to you. You're their last go to stop.
They are least interested in your wellbeing or in your conversations.
They not being in touch is not because they are busy. It's because you're not a priority. You're a cheap substitute when their girlfriends are on vacation or when they have no girlfriends or when they have no warm relations around. You're the free teddy bear...
Their tactics are all similar - they choose when to enter and when to exit. You have no choice there. If you want them to stay longer, they will not. Right when you don't want them to enter your life... they will enter, shake up things a bit, unknowingly, and leave.. and then you're a mess. You wonder what just hit you.
I think, without even knowing, such people are manipulators.
You just have to enter a relation with trust and love and care. Minimal things.
Why play hide and seek?
It could play with the other party's emotions and that is worse than borrowing money from someone and not returning it.
I have been fortunate enough to have fallen in love just once and married the same person.
But I can see how it may work in other love stories which are not deep rooted.
I have a friend who's had a couple of unsuccessful relations.I think the guys may have been with her for lust and ego boost.
When they left her, she was left in the dumps. The way these people enter her life and exit, is shocking. It's not a restaurant, isn't it? You don't even enter and exit someone's house with such callousness. Playing with someone's heart, shouldn't you be more careful?
I was then wondering.. what's the best way to handle this?a) Do not talk to strangers. The rule your mom taught when you were 3. If you do not fully know someone, try not to linger on long on mail/ chat or whatever. No matter how fascinating it is, resist. Always take time to validate a person. Don't rush into relations. No rebound love at all.
b) Extremely high self worth, self esteem and self love + a field that you're passionate about.These are your only guards. So, when these people enter and exit, you just forget it all and go back to work, back to normalcy soon. You love yourself so much that you refuse to be manipulated by such stupid people. If you love yourself so much you will find it easy to shake off these people. You refuse to allow them to tamper with your emotions. You guard yourself. If you did not have these tools you'd be lingering on where they left you :-) and that would be a bad place to hang on.
No guy can make you feel good. These relations just reflect how you feel about yourself. If someone pines for you and hunts you down, you simply feel good about yourself. You feel you're worthy of love and attention. You feel you're special and that inner feeling is what reflects outside as happiness (that's what I think). A few days down the lane your relation may turn sour. How come? When the person leaves you your whole identity and self worth is shaken. That's what causes sadness.
If one were to have a very good self esteem/ self love - this may not happen. You simply brush it off as a lesson to be learnt. You be careful with people. You don't get shaken that badly. So, core for anything in life is self love. Tons of self love. No guy - or no kid can give you the happiness. You invest time on yourself, do more of the things that you love and create things and that creates happiness. When your day is devoted mostly to things that you love, a lot of unwanted thoughts vanish.. There will be down days but far and few.
But some are specifically difficult, where the intent is to use that relation for any other reason than love and care.
There are some people who suddenly vanish from your lives and suddenly reappear. I have no clue what goes in such people's brains. They are never there when you need someone. It's not that you're necessarily enemies. It's just the total lack of sensitivity.
It's just that the equation is skewed. It's not equal.
One thing I have realized very strongly with respect to relations is the relational operators in Computers.
<, ==, >.
Anything other than == never lasts. It has to be an equal from both sides. Else there is heartbreak.
Heartbreak doesn't necessarily mean the one that happens when two people are in love. It happens with any relation.
So, back to these annoying people who play hide and seek - while I figure what goes on with such people, I do have some strong opinion about such people.
These people just want to check their relation status with you - whether they still are there in your life or not.
Else, they use you entirely as ego boosters. They think that an entire human being exists just to satisfy their bloated egos.
Or, they don't have anyone "better" to go to, so they come to you. You're their last go to stop.
They are least interested in your wellbeing or in your conversations.
They not being in touch is not because they are busy. It's because you're not a priority. You're a cheap substitute when their girlfriends are on vacation or when they have no girlfriends or when they have no warm relations around. You're the free teddy bear...
Their tactics are all similar - they choose when to enter and when to exit. You have no choice there. If you want them to stay longer, they will not. Right when you don't want them to enter your life... they will enter, shake up things a bit, unknowingly, and leave.. and then you're a mess. You wonder what just hit you.
I think, without even knowing, such people are manipulators.
You just have to enter a relation with trust and love and care. Minimal things.
Why play hide and seek?
It could play with the other party's emotions and that is worse than borrowing money from someone and not returning it.
I have been fortunate enough to have fallen in love just once and married the same person.
But I can see how it may work in other love stories which are not deep rooted.
I have a friend who's had a couple of unsuccessful relations.I think the guys may have been with her for lust and ego boost.
When they left her, she was left in the dumps. The way these people enter her life and exit, is shocking. It's not a restaurant, isn't it? You don't even enter and exit someone's house with such callousness. Playing with someone's heart, shouldn't you be more careful?
I was then wondering.. what's the best way to handle this?a) Do not talk to strangers. The rule your mom taught when you were 3. If you do not fully know someone, try not to linger on long on mail/ chat or whatever. No matter how fascinating it is, resist. Always take time to validate a person. Don't rush into relations. No rebound love at all.
b) Extremely high self worth, self esteem and self love + a field that you're passionate about.These are your only guards. So, when these people enter and exit, you just forget it all and go back to work, back to normalcy soon. You love yourself so much that you refuse to be manipulated by such stupid people. If you love yourself so much you will find it easy to shake off these people. You refuse to allow them to tamper with your emotions. You guard yourself. If you did not have these tools you'd be lingering on where they left you :-) and that would be a bad place to hang on.
No guy can make you feel good. These relations just reflect how you feel about yourself. If someone pines for you and hunts you down, you simply feel good about yourself. You feel you're worthy of love and attention. You feel you're special and that inner feeling is what reflects outside as happiness (that's what I think). A few days down the lane your relation may turn sour. How come? When the person leaves you your whole identity and self worth is shaken. That's what causes sadness.
If one were to have a very good self esteem/ self love - this may not happen. You simply brush it off as a lesson to be learnt. You be careful with people. You don't get shaken that badly. So, core for anything in life is self love. Tons of self love. No guy - or no kid can give you the happiness. You invest time on yourself, do more of the things that you love and create things and that creates happiness. When your day is devoted mostly to things that you love, a lot of unwanted thoughts vanish.. There will be down days but far and few.
c)
Never ever initiate conversation with such people, even if you're about
to die. That is a sign of weakness. It lets the other party assume a
lot of unwanted things. They think you need them.
d) Emotional stability. When you're under the influence of strong emotions your entire intelligence is hijacked. So, don't get in there often. The result is often: Regret.
e) Continue improving yourself and become more and more awesome. That's the only thing a human has to do. Discover your full potential. Be alive. Be open. Merge with the divine. So, your life is so awesome that whoever walked in and out totally regrets not being part of your life.
These, I think are the secret to "Happily ever after" relationships.
Also, the following is a wonderful companion on creativity by Osho.
Misery needs no talents, anybody can afford it. Happiness needs talents, genius, creativity. Only creative people are happy.
Let this sink deep in your heart: only creative people are happy. Happiness is a by-product of creativity. Create something, and you will be happy. Create a garden, let the garden bloom, and something will bloom in you. Create a painting, and something starts growing in you with the growing painting. As the painting comes to the finish, as you are giving the last touches to the painting, you will see you are no more the same person. You are giving the last touches to something that is very new in you.
Write a poem, sing a song, dance a dance, and see: you start becoming happy. That's why in my commune creativity is going to be our prayer to God. This commune is not going to be of those sad, long faces who are not doing anything, just sitting under trees or in their huts, vegetating. This commune is going to be a commune of artists, painters, poets, sculptors, dancers, musicians -- and so many things are there to be done!
God has only given you an opportunity to be creative: life is an opportunity to be creative. If you are creative you will be happy. Have you seen the joy in the eyes of a mother when the child starts growing in her womb? Have you seen the change that happens to the woman when she becomes pregnant? What is happening? Something is flowering in her, she is being creative, she is going to give birth to a new life. She is utterly happy, tremendously joyous, a song is in her heart.
When the child is born and the woman sees the child for the first time, see the depth of her eyes, the joy of her being. She has gone through much pain for this joy, but she has not gone into this pain for the pain's sake. She has suffered, but her suffering is tremendously valuable; it is not ascetic, it is creative. She has suffered to create more joy.
When you want to climb to the highest peak of the mountains, it is arduous. And when you have reached the peak and you lie down, whispering with the clouds, looking at the sky, the joy that fills your heart -- that joy always comes whenever you reach any peak of creativity.
It needs intelligence to be happy, and people are taught to remain unintelligent. The society does not want intelligence to flower. The society does not need intelligence; in fact it is very much afraid of intelligence. The society needs stupid people. Why? -- because stupid people are manageable. Intelligent people are not necessarily obedient -- they may obey, they may not obey. But the stupid person cannot disobey; he is always ready to be commanded.
People want everybody to remain stupid, then everybody is obedient, conformist, never goes outside the fold, remains always part of the mob, is controllable, manipulatable, manageable.
The intelligent person is rebellious. Intelligence is rebellion. The intelligent person decides on his own whether to say no or yes. The intelligent person cannot be traditional, he cannot go on worshipping the past; there is nothing to worship in the past. The intelligent person wants to create a future, wants to live in the present. His living in the present is his way of creating the future.
The intelligent person does not cling to the dead past, does not carry corpses. Howsoever beautiful they have been, howsoever precious, he does not carry the corpses. He is finished with the past; it is gone, and it is gone forever.
But the foolish person is traditional. He is ready to follow the priest, ready to follow any stupid politician, ready to follow any order -- anybody with authority and he is ready to fall at his feet. Without intelligence there can be no happiness. Man can only be happy if he is intelligent, utterly intelligent. Meditation is a device to release your intelligence. The more meditative you become, the more intelligent you become. But remember, by intelligence I don't mean intellectuality. Intellectuality is part of stupidity.
Intelligence is a totally different phenomenon, it has nothing to do with the head. Intelligence is something that comes from your very center. It wells up in you, and with it many things start growing in you. You become happy, you become creative, you become rebellious, you become adventurous, you start loving insecurity, you start moving into the unknown. You start living dangerously, because that is the only way to live.
To be a sannyasin means to decide that "I will live my life intelligently," that "I will not be just an imitator," that "I will live within my own being, I will not be directed and commanded from without," that "I will risk all to be myself, but I will not be part of a mob psychology," that "I will walk alone," that "I will find my own path," that "I will make my own path in the world of truth." Just by walking into the unknown you create the path. The path is not already there; just by walking, you create it.
For stupid people there are superhighways where crowds move. And for centuries and centuries they have been moving -- and going nowhere, going in circles. Then you have the comfort that you are with many people, you are not alone. Intelligence gives you the courage to be alone, and intelligence gives you the vision to be creative. A great urge, a great hunger arises to be creative. And only then, as a consequence, you can be happy, you can be blissful.
Source - Osho Book "The Book of Wisdom"
d) Emotional stability. When you're under the influence of strong emotions your entire intelligence is hijacked. So, don't get in there often. The result is often: Regret.
e) Continue improving yourself and become more and more awesome. That's the only thing a human has to do. Discover your full potential. Be alive. Be open. Merge with the divine. So, your life is so awesome that whoever walked in and out totally regrets not being part of your life.
These, I think are the secret to "Happily ever after" relationships.
Also, the following is a wonderful companion on creativity by Osho.
Misery needs no talents, anybody can afford it. Happiness needs talents, genius, creativity. Only creative people are happy.
Let this sink deep in your heart: only creative people are happy. Happiness is a by-product of creativity. Create something, and you will be happy. Create a garden, let the garden bloom, and something will bloom in you. Create a painting, and something starts growing in you with the growing painting. As the painting comes to the finish, as you are giving the last touches to the painting, you will see you are no more the same person. You are giving the last touches to something that is very new in you.
Write a poem, sing a song, dance a dance, and see: you start becoming happy. That's why in my commune creativity is going to be our prayer to God. This commune is not going to be of those sad, long faces who are not doing anything, just sitting under trees or in their huts, vegetating. This commune is going to be a commune of artists, painters, poets, sculptors, dancers, musicians -- and so many things are there to be done!
God has only given you an opportunity to be creative: life is an opportunity to be creative. If you are creative you will be happy. Have you seen the joy in the eyes of a mother when the child starts growing in her womb? Have you seen the change that happens to the woman when she becomes pregnant? What is happening? Something is flowering in her, she is being creative, she is going to give birth to a new life. She is utterly happy, tremendously joyous, a song is in her heart.
When the child is born and the woman sees the child for the first time, see the depth of her eyes, the joy of her being. She has gone through much pain for this joy, but she has not gone into this pain for the pain's sake. She has suffered, but her suffering is tremendously valuable; it is not ascetic, it is creative. She has suffered to create more joy.
When you want to climb to the highest peak of the mountains, it is arduous. And when you have reached the peak and you lie down, whispering with the clouds, looking at the sky, the joy that fills your heart -- that joy always comes whenever you reach any peak of creativity.
It needs intelligence to be happy, and people are taught to remain unintelligent. The society does not want intelligence to flower. The society does not need intelligence; in fact it is very much afraid of intelligence. The society needs stupid people. Why? -- because stupid people are manageable. Intelligent people are not necessarily obedient -- they may obey, they may not obey. But the stupid person cannot disobey; he is always ready to be commanded.
People want everybody to remain stupid, then everybody is obedient, conformist, never goes outside the fold, remains always part of the mob, is controllable, manipulatable, manageable.
The intelligent person is rebellious. Intelligence is rebellion. The intelligent person decides on his own whether to say no or yes. The intelligent person cannot be traditional, he cannot go on worshipping the past; there is nothing to worship in the past. The intelligent person wants to create a future, wants to live in the present. His living in the present is his way of creating the future.
The intelligent person does not cling to the dead past, does not carry corpses. Howsoever beautiful they have been, howsoever precious, he does not carry the corpses. He is finished with the past; it is gone, and it is gone forever.
But the foolish person is traditional. He is ready to follow the priest, ready to follow any stupid politician, ready to follow any order -- anybody with authority and he is ready to fall at his feet. Without intelligence there can be no happiness. Man can only be happy if he is intelligent, utterly intelligent. Meditation is a device to release your intelligence. The more meditative you become, the more intelligent you become. But remember, by intelligence I don't mean intellectuality. Intellectuality is part of stupidity.
Intelligence is a totally different phenomenon, it has nothing to do with the head. Intelligence is something that comes from your very center. It wells up in you, and with it many things start growing in you. You become happy, you become creative, you become rebellious, you become adventurous, you start loving insecurity, you start moving into the unknown. You start living dangerously, because that is the only way to live.
To be a sannyasin means to decide that "I will live my life intelligently," that "I will not be just an imitator," that "I will live within my own being, I will not be directed and commanded from without," that "I will risk all to be myself, but I will not be part of a mob psychology," that "I will walk alone," that "I will find my own path," that "I will make my own path in the world of truth." Just by walking into the unknown you create the path. The path is not already there; just by walking, you create it.
For stupid people there are superhighways where crowds move. And for centuries and centuries they have been moving -- and going nowhere, going in circles. Then you have the comfort that you are with many people, you are not alone. Intelligence gives you the courage to be alone, and intelligence gives you the vision to be creative. A great urge, a great hunger arises to be creative. And only then, as a consequence, you can be happy, you can be blissful.
Source - Osho Book "The Book of Wisdom"
Brilliantly collated and written didi...
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