Few more of Tagore

In our everyday world we live in poverty; our resources have to be husbanded with care; our strength becomes exhausted, and we [go] to our God as beggars [for] our joy of life. On festival days, we display our wealth and say to Him that we are even as He is; and we are afraid to spend. This is the day when we bring to Him our own gift of joy. For we truly meet God, when we come to Him with our offerings and not with our wants. 

We are like a stray line of a poem, which ever feels that it rhythms with another line and must find it, or miss its own fulfilment. This quest of the unattained is the great impulse in man which brings forth all his best creations. Man seems deeply to be aware of a separation at the root of his being, he cries to be led across it to a union; and somehow he knows that it is love which can lead him to a love which is final. 

Good habits and new problems

Your good habits help you in ordinary and familiar situations but may not suffice to guide you when a new problem arises. Then discrimination is necessary. Man is not an automaton, and therefore cannot always live wisely by simply following set rules and rigid moral precepts. In the great variety of daily problems and events, we find scope for the development of good judgment.
Paramahansa Yogananda

How lovely. Just yesterday I posted about how I reacted quite angrily when faced with a new and unexpected situation and today I see this.

Unpredictable outcomes

Extremely unpredictable outcomes; When we are run by our minds The way it processes events - prioritizes, cooks up stories, combines totally unrelated things, promises fancy futures, resurrects the dead past, ignores the truly amazing moments, etc is - truly outstanding. You maybe extremely capable Mr Mind, but thank you for your services. We're all better off without you. A few neurons and 128 MB memory are enough to experience life better...Reading Eckhart Tolle. Amazing. He makes self realization look like a piece of cake.

The mind is a strange thing and we don't seem to be in control of ourselves so many times. Last week I had a strange and difficult conversation with a certain A. I was asking A to talk to B and sort out some issue. A was stubborn and refused to do so. I was unable to understand what's the big deal.. why not just talk and sort out the issue. Somewhere along the conversation I lost my cool and shouted at A. It was totally uncalled for. I was surprised that I had lost my cool.

Nidhi had a baby the next day. Somehow my brain weighed this negative situation more important than that. I was not able to jump in joy...We were all so excited and anxious about Nidhi's baby.
So, why did the mind choose to stick to one situation than the other? It could have turned its attention to the happier of the 2 situations... I had no clue. It behaved so unpredictably. Also my cousin was getting engaged that day. It was only after I entered the hall and got lost among the people that I forgot this situation. I was definitely better equipped than before...I could see that. I freaked out less and was more in control. I was participating in other things as well.

So, it's surprising which events your mind gives importance to and decides to dwell on...There could be a lot of happiness happening around you but your mind chooses to dwell on so much negativity. That choice, sometimes, is not even yours. Maybe by being very aware, we could control the outcome most of the times.

I think I care a lot about people. So if I end up hurting someone or if there is a misunderstanding I get freaked out. I wouldn't be that freaked if I lost a million dollars. But, maybe for someone who loves money, losing a million dollars would be like losing their mind.

When we look at what kind of things the mind dwells on.. we can probably trace a pattern. People concerned with hurt and relations dwell there most of the times. This dwelling and this "time" allotted for such thinking, strengthens such thoughts more and make us more sticky to such things.
If we did not give much CPU time to such things, maybe it would be easy to handle these stuff. If some kinds of thoughts give us suffering, we should de-energize them or make them weak by giving them less CPU time. Earlier I used to do trivial stuff like making the Ciel Pur soap boxes whenever I was tense. I would do some trivial physical labour to drive away that sinking feeling. I think instead of viewing it as escapism we can consciously think that we're not giving CPU time for negative thoughts and emotions. We weaken them. Like a bad habit we need to weaken bad thoughts also.

I am reading a lot of books and articles on the mind. It is fascinating. From Is mind in the brain or everywhere in the body.. to subconscious. it's fascinating so far. The chitta, samskaras, skandhas, vasanas - how all of these affect one's constitution, emotions, behaviour patterns, etc. So, it does appear that we're not fully in control of ourselves and our personality. The karmic residues and previous births do have a say in who we are. So, let's accept and work around - starting with what we have, what we perceive as issues, realizing triggers, habits, etc.

The gazelle wisdom

Humans should learn from gazelles. Why? According to Oxford psychologist Mark Williams:
"Because they run when they need to run, and graze when they need to graze," he says. By contrast, we humans tend to get caught up in our regrets, what ifs and what could've beens - behaviours that lead to living life in what he calls an "eternal worry loop." Instead, we should reset to zero, and live in the now. That is the essence of mindfulness.

Use what you have...

Whatever you do in your life, you can only do it with what you have. You cannot do something with what you do not have. So whatever you have, use that.- Sadhguru

Aristotle and entelechy

Aristotle believed that everything on this planet possesses its own “entelechy” – or as he explained it, “having the ability to grow into one’s highest potential stored within it.”

Entelechy is a vital force that motivates and guides an organism toward its highest self-fulfillment.
Consider the mighty oak tree. Its journey to mighty greatness begins with a small acorn seed. Of course, the seed has to go through certain changes and stages of development in order to reach its full potential. But the potential is a constant: to become an oak tree.

Effect of meditation

I have been contemplating on the changes that have happened over the last 2 years.
I have definitely become calm and contemplative.
Specially over the last few months, I have started having better self esteem.
I have started to accept myself, with my weaknesses.
I have realized that "I" is all that I have, to bring about any change.
If you don't work on the I, you can never bring about changes.
And any work starts with acceptance. You cannot start a work in denial.. with resistance, with hatred. Can we?
So, somewhere, I started accepting myself. I let go of most of the things that I call "failure". The term itself is extremely discouraging. Just because we color things as success and failure, we suffer so much. If we just look at everything as an experience - without labelling anything, life seems much better.

Also, staying in the now - is happening a lot. It has prevented over analysis and un-necessary thoughts from seeping in.

Another thing is, I have overcome few of my limitations and it has freed me. I roamed around in local buses, in very hot weather and I did not care much about the bodily discomforts and the less I cared, the more free I felt. It let me experience things without getting irritated.

So, overall it looks like good progress. Today, while meditating I was thinking - is this the work of meditation? All the changes seem to be happening kind of naturally. I am not doing anything very specific. I read a lot and think about these things and I have resumed my meditation and it feels like change automatically happens.

During my walk around Lodhi garden, I was made to realize how intelligent and intuitive nature is. Every tree knows how it has to grow - vertical or horizontal, how it prepares for maximum water or sunlight, when it has to bloom, when it sheds leaves, etc.

If a tree had that much intelligence, won't a human have much more?
I believe that every human has a lot of intelligence and intuition to do the right things.
The society in which we grow, our wrong beliefs and ideologies, the fear that is instilled in us, etc make us wretched and miserable. These pruning activities prevent us from blooming and what yoga or meditation probably does is, open up some channels. It puts holes in us for the universal, divine energy to seep in..so that our natural intelligence and intuition can take us forward. So, slowly, the changes happen. We're calmer, peaceful and then the rest continues.

So, I am glad I took up this journey. Maybe this kind of jolt was required.
To handle today's complex and fast paced world, we all need to work on ourselves.
So, though I might have fallen back on my career, I am glad with this new improved self.