While attending the Week 2 lectures of the coursera course "A life of happiness and fulfillment" - I had to do one exercise.
I had to write a gratitude letter to someone who'd had a very positive influence in my life.
I was thinking who could it be?
Teachers? I had 2 school teachers who'd backed me quite a lot and supported me but that was a different influence. It did not make me a better person or whetever.
Parents - No.
Relatives - No.
Co-workers - No.
Spouse? - One very big influence I should say. I am a totally different person because of him.
His interests, patience, forgiveness, etc have rubbed off on me. I am experiencing a different life because of him. If I'd remained in my Tam Brahm family, I would not have turned this way.
Still - don't feel 100%.
Boss - Jayanthi ma'am has definitely been an inspiration at many levels but again, as a single biggest influence, no.
Then I quickly realized, how did I come out of depression?
3 years back, I was a bag of issues - low self esteem, too less emotional resilience, unable to handle relation hiccups, etc.
Today, I feel I am quite stable. I have become mature in dealing with people. I understand what I am and my limitations to quite an extent. I want to change a few things definitely but that can happen only when I completely accept who I am today.
Acceptance takes time and effort. It looks like the last 3 years I have literally wasted or learned just this - acceptance. Accepting I am not an IT kind of person. Accepting that I am not too self motivated. Accepting that I lack discipline and perseverance. Also, accepting that I have tried my best most of the times. There have been so many wars inside, so much turbulence.
It was so difficult to handle those days. Everything that I tried was failing. I was in deep depression. I could not get up. I could hardly do any work.
By then I had been to Isha and my spiritual journey began there. I read a lot of spiritual posts. I read Sadhguru, Osho, JK, Swami Sivananda, nithyananda, swami rama, buddhist psychology, etc. I slowly evolved. I cut off interacting with people whom I was not comfortable with. I slowly built a foundation for self esteem. I slowly accepted some of my limitations. I knew that I could not just keep pushing myself. Nobody could help me. I had to help myself. So I read a lot of self-help blogs and books.Whenever I read any spiritual thing I used to feel peaceful. The turbulence would stop for a while.
Slowly - very slowly, changes happened. I think right now I am out of depression.
A part of me chose to help the wounded part. That transcendental part is what helped me. It's a piece of god. A piece of heaven. Something that probably all of us share. That part, worked overtime to help me recover to whatever extent I have recovered. No other force has been this powerful in healing. But for many of us, we have no way to access it. I too don't know how to activate it. Maybe extreme happiness or extreme sadness activate it. I had slipped to rockbottom. So that process kicked in and I took the cues and started reading a lot, which helped me get better. So, that is what I am grateful for. It saved me. Atleast this time.
I had to write a gratitude letter to someone who'd had a very positive influence in my life.
I was thinking who could it be?
Teachers? I had 2 school teachers who'd backed me quite a lot and supported me but that was a different influence. It did not make me a better person or whetever.
Parents - No.
Relatives - No.
Co-workers - No.
Spouse? - One very big influence I should say. I am a totally different person because of him.
His interests, patience, forgiveness, etc have rubbed off on me. I am experiencing a different life because of him. If I'd remained in my Tam Brahm family, I would not have turned this way.
Still - don't feel 100%.
Boss - Jayanthi ma'am has definitely been an inspiration at many levels but again, as a single biggest influence, no.
Then I quickly realized, how did I come out of depression?
3 years back, I was a bag of issues - low self esteem, too less emotional resilience, unable to handle relation hiccups, etc.
Today, I feel I am quite stable. I have become mature in dealing with people. I understand what I am and my limitations to quite an extent. I want to change a few things definitely but that can happen only when I completely accept who I am today.
Acceptance takes time and effort. It looks like the last 3 years I have literally wasted or learned just this - acceptance. Accepting I am not an IT kind of person. Accepting that I am not too self motivated. Accepting that I lack discipline and perseverance. Also, accepting that I have tried my best most of the times. There have been so many wars inside, so much turbulence.
It was so difficult to handle those days. Everything that I tried was failing. I was in deep depression. I could not get up. I could hardly do any work.
By then I had been to Isha and my spiritual journey began there. I read a lot of spiritual posts. I read Sadhguru, Osho, JK, Swami Sivananda, nithyananda, swami rama, buddhist psychology, etc. I slowly evolved. I cut off interacting with people whom I was not comfortable with. I slowly built a foundation for self esteem. I slowly accepted some of my limitations. I knew that I could not just keep pushing myself. Nobody could help me. I had to help myself. So I read a lot of self-help blogs and books.Whenever I read any spiritual thing I used to feel peaceful. The turbulence would stop for a while.
Slowly - very slowly, changes happened. I think right now I am out of depression.
A part of me chose to help the wounded part. That transcendental part is what helped me. It's a piece of god. A piece of heaven. Something that probably all of us share. That part, worked overtime to help me recover to whatever extent I have recovered. No other force has been this powerful in healing. But for many of us, we have no way to access it. I too don't know how to activate it. Maybe extreme happiness or extreme sadness activate it. I had slipped to rockbottom. So that process kicked in and I took the cues and started reading a lot, which helped me get better. So, that is what I am grateful for. It saved me. Atleast this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment