So, the last 2 months have been hectic, or I'd atleast like to think it was. I have been gymming pretty regularly. I do consume more (sugar) do to the sudden sugar cravings after gymming but I'd have like to see the weighing scale show a better picture. I've gained 2-3 kgs! Its unacceptable. I feel I'm doing my best but I'm not seeing results. The stress and desperation have made me extremely depressed and I can't sleep at night.
Last night it was horrible. I had severe leg pain and I was bitten by mosquitoes all over. I couldn't sleep till 3:30 AM. My mind was racing. I knew I was getting too stressed. So, this is worse, isn't it? I leave my job and sit and home, hoping to avoid stress and here I am, all stressed.
So -my weight, jobless state, the sky high cost of living, my husband's looong work hours, my dependence on super costly supplements for my impaired fasting, the absence of enquiries for our Hyderabad house, my consistent inability to do Shambavi.. all of it plays on me all day. It has seeped deep into my subconcious and I know that's the root cause of the stress and sleeplessness. The things we read, the things we see.. all of it enters our subconcious memory. I now understand it a bit.. All the negative thoughts we have.. also get stored in the subconcious and act wildly in different situations. So, it's important not to let negativity seep so much..But what I realized yesterday was, maybe this stress is what is causing my body to not respond to so much of exercise. How come I was happy last year? I do remember being so peaceful last year. The Isha rejuv had good and bad parts but it had helped me. I came back and led a peaceful life. I was giving lectures to so many people abt the usefulness of yoga and here I am.. a year later, unable to follow my yoga discipline and all wrecked and messed! So, anything can happen to anyone. I felt helpless...With a host of problems like PCOD, hypothyroidism, obesity, hypertension and insulin resistance.. all of which make losing weight all the more difficult, I am a slave of bad genes or bad physical makeup that happened due to a combination of genetic defects and poor lifestyle in my 20s ..
Are these reversible? I don't know. Will I ever lose weight to the point of feeling satisfied? Not sure at all....
But, what is it that I can do? Try and be happy. I've gone through so much that anyone else would have died long ago! I have managed to survive... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or stranger as the joker would have it. So, I shall try and be happy. That is the only thing that is in my hands.. stop worrying and be happy. It's ok to weigh this much and still be happy. It's ok to be insulin resistant and still be happy. It's ok to go mad in the mornings for food, and still be happy. But if you're not trying to be happy... and you weight this much.. and are hit by morning cravings.. you are doomed. That's what I let happen last 2 months. I chased so many other things that I only ended up being stressed. Happiness is the only thing worth chasing and it comes at a very low cost. So, I have decided to drop other things and just focus on being happy.
I will eat as clean as possible and exercise as much as possible.. and leave the rest to.. GOD or poor metabolism.. whatever is the strongest..and just focus on being happy.
Last night it was horrible. I had severe leg pain and I was bitten by mosquitoes all over. I couldn't sleep till 3:30 AM. My mind was racing. I knew I was getting too stressed. So, this is worse, isn't it? I leave my job and sit and home, hoping to avoid stress and here I am, all stressed.
So -my weight, jobless state, the sky high cost of living, my husband's looong work hours, my dependence on super costly supplements for my impaired fasting, the absence of enquiries for our Hyderabad house, my consistent inability to do Shambavi.. all of it plays on me all day. It has seeped deep into my subconcious and I know that's the root cause of the stress and sleeplessness. The things we read, the things we see.. all of it enters our subconcious memory. I now understand it a bit.. All the negative thoughts we have.. also get stored in the subconcious and act wildly in different situations. So, it's important not to let negativity seep so much..But what I realized yesterday was, maybe this stress is what is causing my body to not respond to so much of exercise. How come I was happy last year? I do remember being so peaceful last year. The Isha rejuv had good and bad parts but it had helped me. I came back and led a peaceful life. I was giving lectures to so many people abt the usefulness of yoga and here I am.. a year later, unable to follow my yoga discipline and all wrecked and messed! So, anything can happen to anyone. I felt helpless...With a host of problems like PCOD, hypothyroidism, obesity, hypertension and insulin resistance.. all of which make losing weight all the more difficult, I am a slave of bad genes or bad physical makeup that happened due to a combination of genetic defects and poor lifestyle in my 20s ..
Are these reversible? I don't know. Will I ever lose weight to the point of feeling satisfied? Not sure at all....
But, what is it that I can do? Try and be happy. I've gone through so much that anyone else would have died long ago! I have managed to survive... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or stranger as the joker would have it. So, I shall try and be happy. That is the only thing that is in my hands.. stop worrying and be happy. It's ok to weigh this much and still be happy. It's ok to be insulin resistant and still be happy. It's ok to go mad in the mornings for food, and still be happy. But if you're not trying to be happy... and you weight this much.. and are hit by morning cravings.. you are doomed. That's what I let happen last 2 months. I chased so many other things that I only ended up being stressed. Happiness is the only thing worth chasing and it comes at a very low cost. So, I have decided to drop other things and just focus on being happy.
I will eat as clean as possible and exercise as much as possible.. and leave the rest to.. GOD or poor metabolism.. whatever is the strongest..and just focus on being happy.
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