Part 1:
Words mean more than just words.. words are labels, identities, images, public opinion, stereotypes and more... So when people usually say "Oh, that's a woman" it means - bad driver, bad coder, bad at logic, bad at being to the point, bad at being objective, bad at controlling emotions and all these negative connotations.
Another peculiarly disgusting word is "housewife". It has "come" to mean one thing in India - "A useless person". Who on earth aspires to be useless? I want to know.
Words mean more than just words.. words are labels, identities, images, public opinion, stereotypes and more... So when people usually say "Oh, that's a woman" it means - bad driver, bad coder, bad at logic, bad at being to the point, bad at being objective, bad at controlling emotions and all these negative connotations.
Another peculiarly disgusting word is "housewife". It has "come" to mean one thing in India - "A useless person". Who on earth aspires to be useless? I want to know.
All of us casually use these words but because they have come to mean
these things, its disgusting. I have seen people getting extremely hurt
when these are words are used "on" them. These words (and many more)
need rework.
I am writing this on behalf of a lot of people who get frustrated every single day due to these "words" thrown at them, diminishing their self worth because very few "housewives" are given an ego boost. Our jobs, titles, qualifications, salaries, incentives are all just ego boosters... Some people never get ego boosters and they do not know their self worth. So next time, let's be kind and give people an ego boost. Many jobs lack meaning and purpose and don't mean a thing. Having a job just means income. The people who make most of the money are located in Vegas and I am yet to figure out Vegas's contribution to the world. Even Wall Street.. What is Wall Street's contribution to the world? It's quite a fake world out there.
So, let's think what jobs truly mean. Let's stop categorizing the world based on that. I truly apologize to people on whom I have used those disgusting words, in my ignorance.
Part 2:
It's extremely difficult to express a complex thing in words. I failed last time.
I'm just throwing a few points to ponder. Self worth - fragile ego- social pressure- identification. We cannot sensitize everyone about every issue/ word. Agreed. One needs to have a healthy self esteem - else in today's heavily connected world - every day would be a challenge.
1) The core issue we were talking of is one of self worth and self esteem.
It takes years to build; no book or quote can help. Even if I praise someone to death it will not increase their self worth unless they work on it. But one wrong word and they're doomed.
People with low self esteem drive themselves crazy for having made it to the Princeton doctoral program It gets that bad.
I am writing this on behalf of a lot of people who get frustrated every single day due to these "words" thrown at them, diminishing their self worth because very few "housewives" are given an ego boost. Our jobs, titles, qualifications, salaries, incentives are all just ego boosters... Some people never get ego boosters and they do not know their self worth. So next time, let's be kind and give people an ego boost. Many jobs lack meaning and purpose and don't mean a thing. Having a job just means income. The people who make most of the money are located in Vegas and I am yet to figure out Vegas's contribution to the world. Even Wall Street.. What is Wall Street's contribution to the world? It's quite a fake world out there.
So, let's think what jobs truly mean. Let's stop categorizing the world based on that. I truly apologize to people on whom I have used those disgusting words, in my ignorance.
Part 2:
It's extremely difficult to express a complex thing in words. I failed last time.
I'm just throwing a few points to ponder. Self worth - fragile ego- social pressure- identification. We cannot sensitize everyone about every issue/ word. Agreed. One needs to have a healthy self esteem - else in today's heavily connected world - every day would be a challenge.
1) The core issue we were talking of is one of self worth and self esteem.
It takes years to build; no book or quote can help. Even if I praise someone to death it will not increase their self worth unless they work on it. But one wrong word and they're doomed.
People with low self esteem drive themselves crazy for having made it to the Princeton doctoral program It gets that bad.
You could be at NASA with low self esteem or at your house with low
self esteem and not just words - every possible thing will kill you.I
picked the "housewife" case just due to its frequency.
2) Other images of words in "my" community:
a. "artist types" (bad in maths and science and can't earn a living)
b. "fashionable" (only aim in life is to dress). I secretly dread that no one finds out that I know Ellie Saab or Wendell Roddicks.
c. "one who drinks" (wife beater, lies inebriated in the streets )
d. "intelligent person" (one who saves money). - All through my life I so wanted to become that image of an intelligent woman. Have given up.
e. "software engineer" (earns a lot, spends a lot, wears bermuda to weddings, if he can't make it to the US - he's dull.). - I have cried in horror so many times when people ask "Why didn't you shift to the US?".
The iPhone we carry and the cars we drive are all connected to certain social images which we want to be identified with - not because of any intrinsic product value.
3) Earlier days housewife meant smart and efficient home maker. So many people were happy "being" that image. What we want to become is sometimes driven by society's perception of that job - rather than whether we really want to do it If 10 people ask a person "So, you're a XXXX?" then that person doubts whether he's doing the right thing. Self esteem issue but connected to society's poor perception of XXX job.
4) Excessive identification with job is something we can all introspect. So when you retire you really don't have to wear a badge like ex-chief justice of India wherever you go as if you're afraid that people will disrespect you if they didn't know your title. You don't have to wear your Amazon/ Google ID cards to every wedding party like an accessory. The fragile egos of such people is even more intriguing.
Food for thought. Not a debate. Not a sermon.
================================================================
Supporting text:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Eckhart-Tolle-on-How-to-Free-Yourself-from-Your-Ego-Armor
Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.
One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.
This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.
When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.
Observe Your Mind
The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."
Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"
Let Go of Limiting Stories
Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.
Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.
Lay Down Your Weapons
Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.
To learn more about the ego, overcoming adversity and creating inner peace and meaning in your life visit EckhartTolleTV.com.
More from Eckhart Tolle
—As told to Leigh Newman
P.S: Very interestingly, I remembered that long back I had read something about housewives in Preeti Shenoy's blog. I had not read this specific one, but it's such a coincidence that both of us have thought over the same things!
http://blog.preetishenoy.com/2007/10/renewal-writers-island-2.html
2) Other images of words in "my" community:
a. "artist types" (bad in maths and science and can't earn a living)
b. "fashionable" (only aim in life is to dress). I secretly dread that no one finds out that I know Ellie Saab or Wendell Roddicks.
c. "one who drinks" (wife beater, lies inebriated in the streets )
d. "intelligent person" (one who saves money). - All through my life I so wanted to become that image of an intelligent woman. Have given up.
e. "software engineer" (earns a lot, spends a lot, wears bermuda to weddings, if he can't make it to the US - he's dull.). - I have cried in horror so many times when people ask "Why didn't you shift to the US?".
The iPhone we carry and the cars we drive are all connected to certain social images which we want to be identified with - not because of any intrinsic product value.
3) Earlier days housewife meant smart and efficient home maker. So many people were happy "being" that image. What we want to become is sometimes driven by society's perception of that job - rather than whether we really want to do it If 10 people ask a person "So, you're a XXXX?" then that person doubts whether he's doing the right thing. Self esteem issue but connected to society's poor perception of XXX job.
4) Excessive identification with job is something we can all introspect. So when you retire you really don't have to wear a badge like ex-chief justice of India wherever you go as if you're afraid that people will disrespect you if they didn't know your title. You don't have to wear your Amazon/ Google ID cards to every wedding party like an accessory. The fragile egos of such people is even more intriguing.
Food for thought. Not a debate. Not a sermon.
================================================================
Supporting text:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Eckhart-Tolle-on-How-to-Free-Yourself-from-Your-Ego-Armor
Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.
One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.
This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.
When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.
Observe Your Mind
The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."
Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"
Let Go of Limiting Stories
Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.
Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.
Lay Down Your Weapons
Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.
To learn more about the ego, overcoming adversity and creating inner peace and meaning in your life visit EckhartTolleTV.com.
More from Eckhart Tolle
- Watch Oprah's webcasts based on A New Earth
- The beauty of today
- 10 powerful insights to a happier you
—As told to Leigh Newman
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101 days ago
Aaziah
How To Get Rid of Your Ego
The ego is always on guard against any kind of perceived diminishment. Automatic ego repair mechanisms come into effect to restore the mental form of “me.” When someone blames or criticizes me, that to the ego is a diminishment of self, and it will immediately attempt to repair its diminished sense of self through self justification, defense, or blaming. Whether the other person is right or wrong is irrelevant to the ego.
It is much more interested in self preservation than in the truth. This is the preservation of the psychological form of “me.” Even such a normal thing as shouting something back when another driver calls you “idiot” is an automatic and unconscious ego repair mechanism. One of the most common ego repair mechanisms is anger, which causes a temporary but huge ego inflation. All repair mechanisms make perfect sense to the ego but are actually dysfunctional. Those that are most extreme in their dysfunction are physical violence ad self delusion in the form of grandiose fantasies.
A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it. I recommend that you experiment with this from time to time. For example, when someone criticizes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – Do Nothing.
Allow the self image to remain diminished and become alert to what that feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you had shrunk in size. Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive. You haven’t been diminished at all. In fact, you have expanded. You may then come to an amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less,” you become more.
When you no longer defend or attempt to strengthen the form of yourself, you step out of identification with form, with mental self image. Through becoming less (in the ego’s perception), you in fact undergo an expansion and make room for Being to come forward. True power, who you are beyond form, can then shine through the apparently weakened form. this is what Jesus means when he says, “Deny yourself” or “Turn the other cheek.”
This does not mean, of course, that you invite abuse or turn yourself into a victim of unconscious people. Sometimes a situation may demand that you tell someone to “back off” in no uncertain terms. Without egoic defensiveness, there will be power behind your words, yet no reactive force. If necessary, you can also say not to someone firmly and clearly, and it will be what I call a “high quality no” that is free of all negativity.
If you are content with being nobody in particular, content not to stand out, you align yourself with the power of the universe. What looks like weakness to the ego is in fact the only true strength. This spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.
Instead of trying to be the mountain, teaches the ancient Tao Te Ching, “Be the valley of the universe.” In this way, you are restored to wholeness and so “All things will come to you.”
Similarly, Jesus, in one of his parables, teaches that “When you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place so that when your host comes, he may say to you, friend, move up higher. Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Another aspect of this practice is to refrain from attempting to strengthen the self by showing off, wanting to stand out, be special, make an impression, or demand attention.
It may include occasionally refraining from expressing your opinion when everybody is expressing his or hers, and seeing what that feels like.
The ego is always on guard against any kind of perceived diminishment. Automatic ego repair mechanisms come into effect to restore the mental form of “me.” When someone blames or criticizes me, that to the ego is a diminishment of self, and it will immediately attempt to repair its diminished sense of self through self justification, defense, or blaming. Whether the other person is right or wrong is irrelevant to the ego.
It is much more interested in self preservation than in the truth. This is the preservation of the psychological form of “me.” Even such a normal thing as shouting something back when another driver calls you “idiot” is an automatic and unconscious ego repair mechanism. One of the most common ego repair mechanisms is anger, which causes a temporary but huge ego inflation. All repair mechanisms make perfect sense to the ego but are actually dysfunctional. Those that are most extreme in their dysfunction are physical violence ad self delusion in the form of grandiose fantasies.
A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it. I recommend that you experiment with this from time to time. For example, when someone criticizes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – Do Nothing.
Allow the self image to remain diminished and become alert to what that feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you had shrunk in size. Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive. You haven’t been diminished at all. In fact, you have expanded. You may then come to an amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less,” you become more.
When you no longer defend or attempt to strengthen the form of yourself, you step out of identification with form, with mental self image. Through becoming less (in the ego’s perception), you in fact undergo an expansion and make room for Being to come forward. True power, who you are beyond form, can then shine through the apparently weakened form. this is what Jesus means when he says, “Deny yourself” or “Turn the other cheek.”
This does not mean, of course, that you invite abuse or turn yourself into a victim of unconscious people. Sometimes a situation may demand that you tell someone to “back off” in no uncertain terms. Without egoic defensiveness, there will be power behind your words, yet no reactive force. If necessary, you can also say not to someone firmly and clearly, and it will be what I call a “high quality no” that is free of all negativity.
If you are content with being nobody in particular, content not to stand out, you align yourself with the power of the universe. What looks like weakness to the ego is in fact the only true strength. This spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.
Instead of trying to be the mountain, teaches the ancient Tao Te Ching, “Be the valley of the universe.” In this way, you are restored to wholeness and so “All things will come to you.”
Similarly, Jesus, in one of his parables, teaches that “When you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place so that when your host comes, he may say to you, friend, move up higher. Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Another aspect of this practice is to refrain from attempting to strengthen the self by showing off, wanting to stand out, be special, make an impression, or demand attention.
It may include occasionally refraining from expressing your opinion when everybody is expressing his or hers, and seeing what that feels like.
Sadhguru:
Whenever your ego is satisfied, you are very peaceful. Wherever you go,
in that place, if people are willing to support and boost your ego, in
that place you are very peaceful. Only in those places where your ego
takes a thrashing, that is where you are not peaceful, isn’t it?
Generally in the world, when people talk about peace of mind, it is only
about somehow making their ego comfortable. Instead of being in a
disturbed state, they wish to be comfortable. But the very process of
trying to make your ego comfortable is the whole process of discomfort
also. The more a person tries to be peaceful, he only loses his peace
and goes off
Generally the peace that you achieve is only about making yourself comfortable.
This peace is of no great significance. It is better to be disturbed
because if you are disturbed, at least you will search. If you become
peaceful you only become complacent. Complacence is the greatest enemy.
Disturbance is not your enemy. Your complacence is the greatest enemy
and this kind of peace will create only complacence.
Peace can also come out of achievement. When you have achieved something
you feel very satisfied. You feel like you are complete, a whole being.
This lasts just for a moment. This feeling of wholeness is not really
wholeness. When your wishes are fulfilled, when your ambitions are
fulfilled, or when everything is right for you, when the situation
around you is comfortable for your ego and your body, these are the
times when you feel peaceful generally. But this peace is not peace.
Peace means nothingness.
http://blog.preetishenoy.com/2007/10/renewal-writers-island-2.html
