My encounter with gods

I am a very god fearing person. I fear all the gods. They paralyze me. Coming from a staunch TamBrahm family I lived in eternal fear that people will find out that my knowledge about gods was zero. I had a tough time remembering the gods, their faces, their core identities, their various avatars, their weapons of mass destruction or construction, their respective mantras, their birth days and whether it's a Shaivite god or a Vaishnavite God or whatever.

To make things worse, a few more new gods from all parts of India were introduced every few months. I could not cope up.

One day I broke down. I thought "Why are all the gods not helping me remember them?". I them became an atheist because that was in vogue and majorly because I wanted to get out of this trauma. If someone asked me about gods and my favourite temples, I simply had to tell them "I'm an atheist.".
Things became very simple.

But then you secretly admire Ganesh-ji because he's so cute. He looks like you.. and he's captured the imagination of so many artists who do everything with Ganesha - from Punjabi ganesha to football ganesha. He's just cute - he and his mouse and his pettu.

Then, things changed in my life. There was a sense of desperation. It was at that point that I was advised by a well meaning person to visit Hanumanji every evening and recite the Hanuman Chalisa every night. I was once caught red handed coming out of the temple. My neighbour stared at me in shock. I confessed to my crime. It was a very low phase - emotionally and financially. I did not see light at the end of the tunnel.

That was the time that I had read about Hanumanji. I was astonished when I read that he also did not believe in his abilities. Someone had to sing Hanuman Chalisa for him to realize his strengths. This was a powerful story for me. All of us can suffer self esteem issues! I was viewing everything from the self esteem issue as that was no 1 priority for me then. My husband was totally ignorant of the fact that I was suffering so much inside. I was driving myself crazy with the constant blaming. He said "You've done some amazing job which most people can't do. Why not be proud of that?".
I never believed him. He's too kind to me. I thought he's trying to just cheer me.

But then, I did know that all my problems were self esteem issues. I did work on it mostly, whole of last year. I openly confessed to people that I had a low self esteem (and most people were shell shocked). I decided to be positive about myself. I patted myself in the back whenever I did something good or smart or efficient or useful. I found that I did have a lot of small good things. Maybe I was in the wrong field with the wrong kind of people, which dented my self esteem beyond repair but I was not bad at all. I worked slowly and I realized that people are not as "great" as I had pictured them to be. Everyone had flaws. Everyone had issues. Everyone had weaknesses which they did not want others to see. Most people hid their flaws. Most people only focus on what they can do well. They totally avoid the things they can't do. Many people didn't even make an effort to change. Many people did not know themselves. I saw people. I then learnt that all of us are bound together by our common fears and insecurities. You need to love your self and have some self worth and then work hard towards your goal. I accepted that I was not that bad. I had problems but so does everyone else.

So, slowly I think things have changed. I have become laidback. My days are quite chaotic and I do not like it. I sometimes don't read a single useful thing in a day. I waste time. I still have not set aims and goals to achieve in 1 year. I don't know what I am going to do, to find a job. All these questions lurk and I am not entirely happy with the way I am taking life.

But at the broad level, things have become positive. I can feel it. There is very less negativity. Even when people pass stinging remarks they do not hurt as much as it used to do. When we feel low about ourself, everything that anyone says will sting us. When we feel good about ourself we are more willing to forgive others for any of their rude remarks. I kind of feel more stable inside nowadays.

Over the last 2 years yoga - theoretical, happened. I learnt about GOD for the first time. The concept of a HINDU god. I read about Hinduism and spirituality. I was shocked. I was taken aback. So, this is the concept of GOD? Aham Brahmasmi. Naan Kadavul. So, I intellectually knew God. I felt redeemed. I felt my guilt of not knowing gods, vanish. I understood that most people, including the most ardent temple goers, did not know the concept of god. Unless they were bhakts, I was wondering how GOD could help them. So, when you place your trust in God, I think what essentially happens is you open doors inside you to your deepest intelligence. You operate from God's perspective. God operates through you - through that opening you made. It's you but you think it's god - some supernatural force. Anyway, as long as it works, good for you.

So, I lost and found GOD. Now, I no longer fear GODs. I want to find my own god within. That experiential realization - or atleast a hint of it, would be the best gift ever.

Words and identities

Part 1:
Words mean more than just words.. words are labels, identities, images, public opinion, stereotypes and more... So when people usually say "Oh, that's a woman" it means - bad driver, bad coder, bad at logic, bad at being to the point, bad at being objective, bad at controlling emotions and all these negative connotations.
Another peculiarly disgusting word is "housewife". It has "come" to mean one thing in India - "A useless person". Who on earth aspires to be useless? I want to know.

All of us casually use these words but because they have come to mean these things, its disgusting. I have seen people getting extremely hurt when these are words are used "on" them. These words (and many more) need rework.
I am writing this on behalf of a lot of people who get frustrated every single day due to these "words" thrown at them, diminishing their self worth because very few "housewives" are given an ego boost. Our jobs, titles, qualifications, salaries, incentives are all just ego boosters... Some people never get ego boosters and they do not know their self worth. So next time, let's be kind and give people an ego boost. Many jobs lack meaning and purpose and don't mean a thing. Having a job just means income. The people who make most of the money are located in Vegas and I am yet to figure out Vegas's contribution to the world. Even Wall Street.. What is Wall Street's contribution to the world? It's quite a fake world out there.
So, let's think what jobs truly mean. Let's stop categorizing the world based on that. I truly apologize to people on whom I have used those disgusting words, in my ignorance.

Part 2:
 It's extremely difficult to express a complex thing in words. I failed last time.
I'm just throwing a few points to ponder. Self worth - fragile ego- social pressure- identification. We cannot sensitize everyone about every issue/ word. Agreed. One needs to have a healthy self esteem - else in today's heavily connected world - every day would be a challenge.
1) The core issue we were talking of is one of self worth and self esteem.
It takes years to build; no book or quote can help. Even if I praise someone to death it will not increase their self worth unless they work on it. But one wrong word and they're doomed.
People with low self esteem drive themselves crazy for having made it to the Princeton doctoral program It gets that bad.

You could be at NASA with low self esteem or at your house with low self esteem and not just words - every possible thing will kill you.I picked the "housewife" case just due to its frequency.
2) Other images of words in "my" community:
a. "artist types" (bad in maths and science and can't earn a living)
b. "fashionable" (only aim in life is to dress). I secretly dread that no one finds out that I know Ellie Saab or Wendell Roddicks.
c. "one who drinks" (wife beater, lies inebriated in the streets )
d. "intelligent person" (one who saves money). - All through my life I so wanted to become that image of an intelligent woman. Have given up.
e. "software engineer" (earns a lot, spends a lot, wears bermuda to weddings, if he can't make it to the US - he's dull.). - I have cried in horror so many times when people ask "Why didn't you shift to the US?".
The iPhone we carry and the cars we drive are all connected to certain social images which we want to be identified with - not because of any intrinsic product value.
3) Earlier days housewife meant smart and efficient home maker. So many people were happy "being" that image. What we want to become is sometimes driven by society's perception of that job - rather than whether we really want to do it If 10 people ask a person "So, you're a XXXX?" then that person doubts whether he's doing the right thing. Self esteem issue but connected to society's poor perception of XXX job.
4) Excessive identification with job is something we can all introspect. So when you retire you really don't have to wear a badge like ex-chief justice of India wherever you go as if you're afraid that people will disrespect you if they didn't know your title. You don't have to wear your Amazon/ Google ID cards to every wedding party like an accessory. The fragile egos of such people is even more intriguing.
Food for thought. Not a debate. Not a sermon.


================================================================
Supporting text:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Eckhart-Tolle-on-How-to-Free-Yourself-from-Your-Ego-Armor

Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.

One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.

This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.

When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.

Observe Your Mind
The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."

Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"

Let Go of Limiting Stories
Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.

Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.

Lay Down Your Weapons
Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.

To learn more about the ego, overcoming adversity and creating inner peace and meaning in your life visit EckhartTolleTV.com.

More from Eckhart Tolle

• Watch Oprah's webcasts based on A New Earth
• The beauty of today
• 10 powerful insights to a happier you

—As told to Leigh Newman

Published 10/10/2011

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101 days ago

Aaziah

How To Get Rid of Your Ego
The ego is always on guard against any kind of perceived diminishment. Automatic ego ­repair mechanisms come into effect to restore the mental form of “me.” When someone blames or criticizes me, that to the ego is a diminishment of self, and it will immediately attempt to repair its diminished sense of self through self ­justification, defense, or blaming. Whether the other person is right or wrong is irrelevant to the ego.

It is much more interested in self ­preservation than in the truth. This is the preservation of the psychological form of “me.” Even such a normal thing as shouting something back when another driver calls you “idiot” is an automatic and unconscious ego ­repair mechanism. One of the most common ego­ repair mechanisms is anger, which causes a temporary but huge ego inflation. All repair mechanisms make perfect sense to the ego but are actually dysfunctional. Those that are most extreme in their dysfunction are physical violence ad self­ delusion in the form of grandiose fantasies.

A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it. I recommend that you experiment with this from time to time. For example, when someone criticizes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – Do Nothing.

Allow the self­ image to remain diminished and become alert to what that feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you had shrunk in size. Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive. You haven’t been diminished at all. In fact, you have expanded. You may then come to an amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non ­reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less,” you become more.

When you no longer defend or attempt to strengthen the form of yourself, you step out of identification with form, with mental self ­image. Through becoming less (in the ego’s perception), you in fact undergo an expansion and make room for Being to come forward. True power, who you are beyond form, can then shine through the apparently weakened form. this is what Jesus means when he says, “Deny yourself” or “Turn the other cheek.”

This does not mean, of course, that you invite abuse or turn yourself into a victim of unconscious people. Sometimes a situation may demand that you tell someone to “back off” in no uncertain terms. Without egoic defensiveness, there will be power behind your words, yet no reactive force. If necessary, you can also say not to someone firmly and clearly, and it will be what I call a “high­ quality no” that is free of all negativity.

If you are content with being nobody in particular, content not to stand out, you align yourself with the power of the universe. What looks like weakness to the ego is in fact the only true strength. This spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.

Instead of trying to be the mountain, teaches the ancient Tao Te Ching, “Be the valley of the universe.” In this way, you are restored to wholeness and so “All things will come to you.”

Similarly, Jesus, in one of his parables, teaches that “When you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place so that when your host comes, he may say to you, friend, move up higher. Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Another aspect of this practice is to refrain from attempting to strengthen the self by showing off, wanting to stand out, be special, make an impression, or demand attention.



It may include occasionally refraining from expressing your opinion when everybody is expressing his or hers, and seeing what that feels like.

Sadhguru:

Whenever your ego is satisfied, you are very peaceful. Wherever you go, in that place, if people are willing to support and boost your ego, in that place you are very peaceful. Only in those places where your ego takes a thrashing, that is where you are not peaceful, isn’t it?

Generally in the world, when people talk about peace of mind, it is only about somehow making their ego comfortable. Instead of being in a disturbed state, they wish to be comfortable. But the very process of trying to make your ego comfortable is the whole process of discomfort also. The more a person tries to be peaceful, he only loses his peace and goes off  

Generally the peace that you achieve is only about making yourself comfortable.

This peace is of no great significance. It is better to be disturbed because if you are disturbed, at least you will search. If you become peaceful you only become complacent. Complacence is the greatest enemy. Disturbance is not your enemy. Your complacence is the greatest enemy and this kind of peace will create only complacence.

Peace can also come out of achievement. When you have achieved something you feel very satisfied. You feel like you are complete, a whole being. This lasts just for a moment. This feeling of wholeness is not really wholeness. When your wishes are fulfilled, when your ambitions are fulfilled, or when everything is right for you, when the situation around you is comfortable for your ego and your body, these are the times when you feel peaceful generally. But this peace is not peace. Peace means nothingness.

P.S: Very interestingly, I remembered that long back I had read something about housewives in Preeti Shenoy's blog. I had not read this specific one, but it's such a coincidence that both of us have thought over the same things!
http://blog.preetishenoy.com/2007/10/renewal-writers-island-2.html

Perspectives on self esteem and job

It's a known fact that having a job gives you a sense of self.. self esteem, self worth and financial independence. Here's a lovely article linking self esteem to your job.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/kay/2013/08/31/at-work-self-esteem-depression
/2736083/

Here's a slightly different view point which says that you need not be your job.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/panic/2011/11/do-you-define-your-self-worth-through-your-job/

Reasoning and being sure

For the last few months I have contemplated quitting my philosophy classes as the classes don't make much sense to me. Also the delivery is not great.

So, we finally had a talk and I did tell them honestly that the others books that I am reading now are helping me more than the classes.

Along this introspection I realized that I crossed level 1 simply because I wanted to socialize and somehow my team was very helpful and close. We helped elevate each other. But that alone cannot be the reason for attending classes.

I realized that you can do some things just like that but for certain things you better have the right reasons. It's good to know why you're doing certain things or why you don't want to do certain things.

If you're strong and centered, you'll do things for the right reasons. There will be no compulsion or half hearted work or confusion. I realized that as I become more strong and centered I will make better choices.

Right at this time, I read this yday. Very appropriate.

"Only if you are an individual by yourself, you can hold a relationship. Otherwise, because of compulsive needs, you hang on to someone. That’s not really a relationship. This is just clinging. You would actually cling to anything. Right now it happens to be human beings. If you are not okay by yourself, if you are using the other person to fill in the gap, it will be constant trouble. If you really want to have absolutely fantastic relationships no matter where you go, first, you need to establish yourself as a joyful human being."

http://blog.ishafoundation.org/lifestyle/relationships/building-relationships/

Effect of meditation

I have been contemplating on the changes that have happened over the last 2 years.
I have definitely become calm and contemplative.
Specially over the last few months, I have started having better self esteem.
I have started to accept myself, with my weaknesses.
I have realized that "I" is all that I have, to bring about any change.
If you don't work on the I, you can never bring about changes.
And any work starts with acceptance. You cannot start a work in denial.. with resistance, with hatred. Can we?
So, somewhere, I started accepting myself. I let go of most of the things that I call "failure". The term itself is extremely discouraging. Just because we color things as success and failure, we suffer so much. If we just look at everything as an experience - without labelling anything, life seems much better.

Also, staying in the now - is happening a lot. It has prevented over analysis and un-necessary thoughts from seeping in.

Another thing is, I have overcome few of my limitations and it has freed me. I roamed around in local buses, in very hot weather and I did not care much about the bodily discomforts and the less I cared, the more free I felt. It let me experience things without getting irritated.

So, overall it looks like good progress. Today, while meditating I was thinking - is this the work of meditation? All the changes seem to be happening kind of naturally. I am not doing anything very specific. I read a lot and think about these things and I have resumed my meditation and it feels like change automatically happens.

During my walk around Lodhi garden, I was made to realize how intelligent and intuitive nature is. Every tree knows how it has to grow - vertical or horizontal, how it prepares for maximum water or sunlight, when it has to bloom, when it sheds leaves, etc.

If a tree had that much intelligence, won't a human have much more?
I believe that every human has a lot of intelligence and intuition to do the right things.
The society in which we grow, our wrong beliefs and ideologies, the fear that is instilled in us, etc make us wretched and miserable. These pruning activities prevent us from blooming and what yoga or meditation probably does is, open up some channels. It puts holes in us for the universal, divine energy to seep in..so that our natural intelligence and intuition can take us forward. So, slowly, the changes happen. We're calmer, peaceful and then the rest continues.

So, I am glad I took up this journey. Maybe this kind of jolt was required.
To handle today's complex and fast paced world, we all need to work on ourselves.
So, though I might have fallen back on my career, I am glad with this new improved self.

Change your lenses and filters to perceive a different world

Some fantastic words from Philippa Perry in How To Stay Sane.
Coutesy: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/02/05/how-to-stay-sane-philippa-perry/ 

We all like to think we keep an open mind and can change our opinions in the light of new evidence, but most of us seem to be geared to making up our minds very quickly. Then we process further evidence not with an open mind but with a filter, only acknowledging the evidence that backs up our original impression. It is too easy for us to fall into the rap of believing that being right is more important than being open to what might be.
If we practice detachment from our thoughts we learn to observe them as though we are taking a bird’s eye view of our own thinking. When we do this, we might find that our thinking belongs to an older, and different, story to the one we are now living.

          We need to look at the repetitions in the stories we tell ourselves [and] at the process of the       stories rather than merely their surface content. Then we can begin to experiment with changing the filter through which we look at the world, start to edit the story and thus regain flexibility where we have been getting stuck.

I am cuurently reading The Map by Collette Baron Reid. She probably read the above lines and has presented similar thoughts.

Your place is created by your perception. You see what you expect to see even though you're not fully aware that you are expecting that. The mind is wired very efficiently to look for evidence that you can apply what you've learned or experienced in the past to what you're seeing before your eyes in this moment. It's used to spotting the signs of danger and the potential for suffering. That's why it's difficult to break the patterns of thoughts and behaviour that may have served a protective purpose at some point in your life but which aren't working very well for you now. Your mind, like everyone else's is always filtering out the facts that contradict what you believe.

We have to evolve out of this limited way of looking at our lives. We need to become mindful of our filters and we need to change them. This way, we empower ourselves to make different choices and create new patterns and hence a new story.

Aren't these two very similar thoughts? Did they arise in two different minds independently or one was influenced by the other?

Nevertheless, the lesson is good. We use old filters. We need to keep changing our filters often, in fact every single day would be great. We will then 're-invent' ourselves and people can claim to see a new 'you'. That's what it's all about!

Mirror mirror on the wall...and the face....

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/08/mirrors-cameras-and-cultural-evolution.html

Mirrors, cameras and cultural evolution

It's safe to say that everyone reading this has seen an accurate reflection in a mirror. Everyone you know has seen their face in a mirror as well.
A thousand years ago (a nanosecond in evolutionary time) virtually no one had.
Mirrors are a big deal. Elephants and primates have been shown to be able to recognize themselves in a mirror, and the idea of self-image is one of the cornerstones of our culture. Hard to imagine walking through the world without knowing what you look like.
Fascinating aside: When we see a famous person in the mirror, our perception changes.
I hope we can agree that in 2013, anyone who gets uncomfortable around mirrors, who says mirrors aren't their thing, who tries to avoid a job where they might see a mirror--that person is a bit outside the mainstream.
Cameras are mirrors, but unlike the momentary glimpse of the traditional mirror, they are permanent, and now the web amplifies them. Do you see how many people pose for snapshots? The unnatural posture, the fake smile... there's anxiety here, and it's because unlike seeing ourselves in the mirror, we're being captured, forever. Multiply this fear by the million people who might see this photo on Instagram...
No one gets tense in front of mirrors any longer. Experienced professionals don't get tense in front of cameras, either.
It probably used to be okay to say, "mirrors freak me out," or to assert that they contained demons. No longer. It certainly wasn't uncommon for cultures to resist cameras at first, and to take the phrase, "take a picture," quite literally. This resistance is also dying out and almost gone.
And yet... And yet we still freeze up when someone takes a picture, we hold our breath before we go on stage, we give away our deepest insecurities when someone puts us on video...
Mirrors and cameras each took a generation or more to catch on as widespread foundations of our culture. It's not surprising, then, that so many people fear social media. It's about us, and when we're on the hook, in front of people we can't know or trust, we hold back.
For a while.
And then we don't.

=======================================================================
In Valparai I heard a group of guys saying "Magane, andha pic a mattum FB la potta.. Tholanja.. pona vattu jatty potta picture-a pottu manatha vangittaan da. My girlfriend also saw that".

I heard the same things from multiple people. I too fear FB photos. I don't want an ugly pic of mine sneaking there, for the whole world to see...  I haven't exactly portrayed to the world that I am a beauty but nevertheless I don't want my ugly pics to be seen by all. Why this fear? Why should I care what others think of my face? Do I fear losing some friends? Of course my closest ones love me the way I am.. but somewhere there is insecurity lurking.. somewhere I am not 100% confident...Except a few people others don't know me... they judge me by the looks.. feel I am too old.. old enough to be having a teenage son or daughter.. I feel bad.. that all the skills I have learnt are of no use. Sure, these people are not meant to be friends, nevertheless it hurts. I got hurt when a guy called me 'aunty' at work.. a guy who himself suffers from balding. Guys so casually remark about women as if they are not living things. In theatres and malls you can see scores of guys judging women's looks and assets and clothes...The term 'aunty' to refer to a woman in a derogatory sense is so unacceptable.. I don't know why this thing bothers me. I do spend a few CPU cycles every now and then, thinking abt this issue. Why should this affect me? I am not looking for a lover.. I am not a model.. why then should it affect me?

FB photos, given the number of people who can access is, makes everyone a sort of celebrity in their own way. Just like a celebrity cannot be caught offguard, without makeup, without well done hair, we too fret and worry about being caught in a bad pose, bad hair and soggy clothes. I think FB has unknowingly changed the laws and rules of friendship and more so of dating maybe.  We form a mental picture of people based on phone conversations or internet conversations. Many a times when we meet the person, we may feel a disconnect between the actual face and the imagined face. That may even alter our opinion about the person. The freckles, the tan, the weight gain, the balding hair, skintags, dark circles, grey hair, choice of clothes and shoes - nothing escapes our notice when we see a person. Sadhguru said that it's good that the dhyanalinga has no form - like him. Else we would start judging it by the way it sat or spoke or moved.

Can we get away with the face thing? I maybe selfish to want that because I am not endowed with external beauty. But, really, for something which we really do not control, is it worth the effort we put? So many people are denied many things because of their looks. Looks can kill.. yes, bad looks can get you killed.. if you don't fit the stereotype you have to live through many things. Is it worth it? What if we all have masks? If we wear burkas as I earlier suggested? Can we then start focussing on other things than the face? 

Why does a mirror make people unhappy? When we dream about us, do we we use the same face or use a face that we like? If all of us had the option to choose our own face, which face would you choose? I've thought of it a couple of times atleast... If I think about a face, will that face stick to me?

How are today's relations? Do todays teens let looks affect their relationships? I still believe that the beautiful girl or handsome guy gets to pick more.. but is everyone given a fair chance? Why should we call fair chance when fairness itself has led to great unfairness? It should be called dark chance...

http://www.forbes.com/sites/parmyolson/2013/06/07/how-the-human-face-might-look-in-100000-years/

Kwan stresses that 60,000 years from now, our ability to control the human genome will also make the effect of evolution on our facial features moot. As genetic engineering becomes the norm, “the fate of the human face will be increasingly determined by human tastes,” he says in a research document.

 Kwan believes the human face will reflect “total mastery over human morphological genetics. This human face will be heavily biased towards features that humans find fundamentally appealing: strong, regal lines, straight nose, intense eyes, and placement of facial features that adhere to the golden ratio and left/right perfect symmetry,” he says.

If we choose how we look, instead of nature deciding it for us, how will the planet look like? Will it have happier people than today? Then, we will find something else that is not in our control and fret and fume and then genetically modify that, maybe. Are we born to be discontented? Is discontentment the mother of future inventions?

Then we have this:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=you-are-less-beautiful-than-you-think

Inflated perceptions of one’s physical appearance is a manifestation of a general phenomenon psychologists call “self-enhancement.” Self enhancement is not the same as lying or deception. Lying takes a toll on the lier and people have negative emotions when they see people deceiving them. In self-enhancement people truly believe that they have desirable characteristics, they can promote themselves without having to lie. Self-enhancement also boosts confidence. Researchers have shown that confidence plays a role in determining whom people choose as leaders and romantic partners. Confident people are believed more and their advice is more likely to be followed.

 Why we cheat - especially through the internet or phone, is another heavy topic which I can read and blog about later.